LEARNING TO LOVE LETTUCE

So if you've read this blog for any substantial period of time or if you know me then you know that I have a strange love of all things airport. 

It's a weird love. 

I just love how self contained they are.

If you're bored, boom entertainment. Hungry? Grab any number of options. Cuticles looking a little mangled? Go get a mother fucking manicure at the airport spa. 

Mother fucking airport SPA. 

I mean… you can't really go wrong. 

However… this love is pretty much only for big airports. JFK, LAX, MIA… the bigger ones just have SO MUCH TO LOVE.. 

My small time hometown? Not so much. 

Only two very small food places… both of them serve the same thing. 

No internet connection (I'm writing this in text edit to upload later) 

And the only shop is a clothing store that sells fucking lame T shirts that say things like "I heart my Hometown" "I survived swimming with the sharks!" "But why is the rum gone?" 

I mean… come on. What you think you're NYC?? You didn't even fucking swim with sharks… maybe a mantaray but there is no fucking way you swam with sharks. And lets be honest… if you ran out of run that's you own damn fault. That's why you buy a case when you arrive for your 6 day trip. Can't be risking that shit, man. 

Okay hold on a minute… this wasn't supposed to turn into an airport rant… let's get back on track. 

The whole point of that was that if I were in NY right now I'd be feasting on delicious snacks, cuddled up with the movie I was streaming online and enjoying a goddamn pedicure. 

Okay that last part was a lie. I have ticklish feet… 

I would be in comfort and bliss. But instead I am sitting in a wireless cold ass airport eating a withered chef salad because its the only thing that didn't look like someone ran it over or left it swimming in oil for three days. 

And while I'm eating this mediocre salad I realized that after destroying all the toppings (mmmm meat and cheese) I'd just left all the lettuce. That the lettuce had gone from an ingredient to a holding platter.

A bit of decorative greenery. 

And then I wonder why I'm still fat…. 

So maybe my resolution for 2012 should be simply this: Learn to Love Lettuce. 

Because if I could enjoy a salad for the lettuce instead of just the toppings then maybe I'd stop eating such "salads" (like a cheese and meat salad) and start eating more actual salads and then maybe I could lose a bit of fat. Like I've started… I'm at the annoying between sizes thing right now where my pants fall off when I walk but the next size down makes me feel like a pig being turned into a sausage. 

While still alive. 

So… dear 2012… I vow to try my very very best to eat better, eat more lettuce and less chocolate/cheese/bread and hit the gym at least twice a week. If not more. I vow to venture out of my neighborhood more and see things that astound me. To spend my non existent money on bettering myself or learning new things instead of only on booze. And I vow to have a lot more sex because that counts as exercise. 

So full of resolution, hope and mediocre salad I go off into the world….

xxKK 

aw shit I'm still in this motherfucking airport….

FUNNY STORY....

So I started this tiny blog with promises of daily witicisms and intelligent, funny posts.

I kept lists of blog ideas.
I'd be on the subway and I'd think of something funny and I'd write it down in the margin of my book or take a note in my blackberry.
OR
I'd be walking down the street and I'd see some sort of moral travesty and I'd think, wow, I bet I could write about this in such a captivating way that people will actually put down their iPad, turn off the reality shows and listen.

Here comes the funny part....

I forgot.

Oops, My B.

And I'm not kidding about the notes in my books and blackberry... but then I lost my page and put my blackberry through the washer.

Curses.

Anyways, I'm at the airport heading home for xmas break and since that's sort of the same situation as I was in when I started this blog I figure thats a promising re-start.

Right?

Ugh.

I REALLY LOVE AIRPORTS

I made a comment in the last post about how much I enjoy being at airports and I feel I should explain this properly.

You see, to me, the airport is the perfect place. It's always air-conditioned so you'll never be too hot and if you get too cold you can buy a small, but effective, fleece blanket at your nearest EuroNews. Equally, they sell them at Hudson News too. Such options, such variety, such happiness.

They have every kind of food imaginable... you want some sushi? done. You want some pizza? done. You want pretzels stuffed, covered with and dunked in all assortments of deliciousness?

DONE!

It's an incredible place.

And the people are so interesting that you could never get bored. Like seriously I could write a whole series of books entitled "the weird people I observe/judge/talk to at airports"

Okay... I would probably need a better name than that but still. People watching is like one of my all time favorite past times. I like to give them names and little back stories and create drama and turmoil and strife in their possibly peaceful existences.

I get some of my best ideas in airports.

Also, it's just so damn convenient. You want a new shirt? Boom. You are wearing a new I heart New York shirt... they even sell normal non-touristy shirts. Like no joke... they have a Lacoste at the airport. Get your prep on before the flight. And if you aren't feeling glamorous enough you can buy some serious bling. I'm talking Serious Bling. I watched a woman drop about three grand on a diamond snake bracelet AT THE AIRPORT. Like thats awesome.

Seriously.

And if the people get boring you can set up in the corner and watch some sweet movies and play some sweet games that you bought at the nearest entertainment shack.

There really is no end to the possibilities.

So I could definitely live at the airport. Shower in the lounges, eat three balanced meals a day plus snacks, jog the entire circuit a couple times, write about the weirdos in my free time and spend the night with my fleece blanket staring out at the night sky through the massive expanse of window.

Amazing.

...but that would be weird so I will refrain... I really don't want small children to start calling me the weird airport cat lady...

I'm jet lagged and tired as hell so I'm gonna sign off. Much love to you all.

xx KK