RECAP AND CATCH UP

Hey kids,

Long time no see. My fault, I know. I've been a little MIA for the past, oh I dunno, 3 months. But I had this whole debacle happen with Skip and Eric and then some work drama and moving drama and moving away from New York drama and it just all got a little much.

But its still not fair. I promised debauchery! And things are a little different now so I don't know how much of that promise I'll be able to keep but by god I will try.

Let's catch up.

So Skip found out that I had hooked up with Eric and stopped talking to me.

I vowed never again to see Eric but then Skip still didn't talk to/ forgive me so when Eric invited me out for his birthday I went.

That "early night" turned into triple shots of jager and crawling back into Erics bed.

Eric, instead of being fun drunk, decided to get all deep and emotional and thats not really my thing so that was a buzzkill. He still tried to insist on birthday sex... and we sort of did but he was drunk and couldn't keep up so my birthday present to him was pretending it was good for me.

After that he started texting and calling me all the time. Started talking about how he knew all the guys I slept with. In a creepy he-remembers-better-than-I-do way. Told half the people I know that we were dating and the other half that we had soooo much sex.

This was a clingy situation and, frankly, not to my liking so I cut him from my roster.

Run into Skip a few days later and he's completely find with me. like no problem at all. Because he wasn't mad.. no of course not.. he was just busy with his new job. I mean... why would he be mad that I was hanging out with his best friend? Right?

Yeah...

That awkward answer led to him asking if I'd slept with Eric... it's a small town. People talk. I wasn't going to lie to him! So I told Skip the truth and then he was mad for real.

But whatever.

You can't sex breakup with me and then get mad when I sleep with your best friend! I mean I get that it was kind of slutty but it's not like I knew who he was when I met him. Gosh.

After that I took some detours along the slutty train to make out with some ex-coworkers and a boy in a hot tub.

Then I took a trip to uncharted territory.

I became a cougarette.

I was partying with some boys I know from high school and they had this hot guy I'd never seen before with them. And he gave me that look. The one that lets you know that they want to take you home. And they get what they want.

I wasn't used to being on the receiving end of such a look.

I swooned.

Now lemme paint you a little picture. This guy, looked like Josh Harnett, circa 2002, with blond hair and beautiful blue eyes.

Spitting image. 

Swoon with me this time kids.

So we start talking and its charged and sexual and he invites me to an afterparty where we make out until one of my old buddies from HS tells me exactly who I'm kissing.

This is Giles... Charlie's baby cousin. Who is 20. Who just turned 20. And is three years younger than me and related to my very serious ex.

I tell Giles this isnt a good idea but hey, he's young, they're second cousins and he's very persuasive.

So we go back to his apartment and I learn that some kids just don't know how to use what god gave them.

So disappointing.

But at least I got to look at that beautiful face while I was disappointed.

The next morning Giles tried to get my number so we could hang out and I laughed a little and  then told him I was leaving in two days. He was sad, but that's to be expected. Oh well.

Two days later Skip calls and wants to get together on my last night at home. I think we're gonna make up and... make up... but after a drink that I stretched a painful 2 hours and a rousing conversation about my big move he kissed me on the cheek and wished me well.

What the fuck?

You don't just call up a sex buddy that you aren't speaking to for drinks and then not sleep with them. It's just mean.

So being a child I instantly texted one of my guys friends, Austin, about my disappointing turn of events and he invited me over to remedy the situation.

Now... this was a little out of the blue. I mean I've known Austin since I was 14 and other than this one time when I was 15 where I made out with him for like 20 seconds I haven't had any interaction like that with him before. We're buddies. He helps me with my inability to fill motor vehicles with fuel and I provide witty commentary and banter.

But I was bored, super stressed about the move and 5 minutes from him so I threw on my sweat pants and went to Austins.

He greeted me in basketball shorts and a wifebeater, looking pretty fine, and then we just chilled out for 2 hours. We were sort of watching Transformers but that just turned into my ragging on Megan Fox and her bitchy cheekbones so after a while he turned it off and asked what I wanted to do.

Well... you know me..

Anyways I won't give you the details because this is just an overview, a quick catch up and it's getting pretty long, but I will say that it was the best fucking stress relief I've ever had. And Austin is fucking mad cool so I'm really hoping that we continue to... help each other out... whenever I'm home.

He's one of like... 3 people I talk to regularly from home.

Well.

That was summer back home. I have one story from my brief visit back to New York and a load of stuff to tell you about my new home but for now I'll just bid you adieu and say I've missed you and I hope that you're still checking in every now and then, even if I did desert you for a few months.

Love love love.

xxKK

LIGHT ME UP LIKE A GLOW STICK, BABY.

After the injuries of last week I decided I needed to a) not hook up with vag breakers anymore b) probably find a new playmate and c) rave the pain away.

Success on all counts.

A) I saw Grant at happy hour and, despite the fact that I basically walked into a trashcan, I managed to play it cool and just give him a friendly wave. 

B) While out on Thursday night I found myself in VIP with bottle service with some old coworkers and  I met two new hot boy friends. One, who right now doesn't really matter, and Eric. A blue eyed bad boy with a wicked smile and sense of humor. He worked pretty hard to keep my attention and, not only did he ask for my number, but he also used it. He used it to send me sweet nothings and make plans for the next night.

C) About that next night. There was a rave at one of the bars so after I went to happy hour, dinner and drinks with Marie, I met up with Eric and my girls and went down, dressed in a blindingly neon green shirt and sunglasses. Because I wear sunglasses at night. Because I'm a douchebag. 

Now, for the record, I haven't been to a rave since I went through my... precarious party phase in New York. And I don't really rage like that anymore so I went thinking I'd have a few drinks, dance under the strobe light, head home early. 

NOT THE CASE.

I had a few drinks, danced under the strobe light, fell down some stairs, raged like a true raver, ended up on stage at some point, got yelled at by the bouncer and, at around 2:30, blitzed out of my mind, left with Eric. 

First we went back to Eric's friends house to listen to a really weird mix of music and do vodka shots and be weird. Left around 6 am. Went to Eric's where I promptly demanded to be horizontal and opted out of a shower so I could climb into bed. 

Probably a bad idea. I was so dirty. 

I had god only knows what in my hair, I was sweaty, covered in booze and neon paint and I looked worse than I've looked in a loooong time. But when Eric got back from his shower none of that dirtiness stopped him from jumping right into bed with me. At first, respecting the post rave exhaustion, he just cuddled and rubbed my back. Once I'd slept a while we began to play. 

No sex but a lot of fun. 

In the morning we realized that, having left his bike in town we had no trans so Eric starts to text his nearby friends to see if anyone will give us a ride. And we're snuggling and I can see him texting and I notice that he's talking to someone named Skip.

Yup.

Skip.

My Skipper.

And here Eric is... asking him to come pick us up. So I mention that maybe, just maybe, that's not the greatest idea. Because I know him.

In the biblical sense.

And this it hits me. This is Eric. This is Skipper's best friend Eric. Who Skip has told me about in detail. HIS BEST FRIEND. So of course immediately Eric tells Skip that he's with me.

Radio Silence.

Apparently Skipper didn't want to sleep with me anymore... but he also didn't want his friends to either...

Oops.

I mean... what's the protocol for something like this? What does whore etiquette dictate for accidental best friend seducing?

The good news is that being Eskimo buddies with Skip doesn't seem to bother Eric.
We ended up calling a cab and I got redressed in my neon green dress, looked at myself in the mirror and tried, in vain, to pull myself together into some semblance of normalcy. Because I looked like shit. On top of the previous nights mess I now had bed head and some serious pillow marks.

Plus you know how after you've raged you wake up with everything looking different. Like your eyes are dull and your skin is gross looking and you smell like death.

Yeah.

That.

So I threw on some emergency makeup, tried to tame my hair into a bun and walked out in a slutty slutty rave outfit.

Neon Walk Of Shame.

When I stopped to get cash out it was mortifying. I'm dressed like a fucking highlighter and everybody is staring at me. A bright light of shame. Or game. Either one.

Anyways, I think it might have been worth the shame because I found a fun playmate for, hopefully, the rest of the summer. I thought that, like most boys, he would just sort of disappear. That once I was out of sight I'd be out his thoughts too. But no. It's Sunday and ever since I left his side yesterday I've had a constant stream of lovely messages from him and he has been quite convincing in trying me to come over. I mean he promised me a back massage! Thats some serious willpower kryptonite. But luckily for my dignity I have no trans. I'm trying to make him work for it.

Wish me luck, lovelies.

xxKK

AYE AYE SKIPPER

So I landed back home and I get to work on my social calls and keeping myself busy. And then my girls NP and Shiv come to visit and we have a sweet ass bitchin' time. And that keeps me busy too. And then Skip gets back.

And I'm like YAY! Playmate in the house! Woot woot! Sexy time!

So I see him out and I give him a big hug and he's drunk and I'm drinking and I get some kisses and he's holding my hand and it's great. It's New York funtime but back home! How great is this?!

So he and his bros move to another bar and he's all "come with me, come on baby" but I'd just ordered a drink the size of my head so I decided to meet up with him later.

He leaves, gives me a nice kiss good bye and goes.
I drink my big drink. And another. And, oops, one more.

Then I go to track him down. And track him down I have to. Because he's not where he said he'd be. So I, like a fucking crazy person go to two more bars before I find him.

I find him and he's fucking shit faced. Like... deadly amounts of alcohol had been consumed. So I of course cuddle right up to him and start making out. Because I like my boyfriends blackout.
And we're kissing and cuddling and it's all good stuff. Then suddenly he starts talking about how we don't make sense and how theres only two months left together so really its a waste of time to be together.

Wait.

I know I just said I like my boyfriends blackout but that doesn't mean I actually think you're my boyfriend! Ew no! We're just having fun and frankly the fact that we have a near approaching expiration date is one of my favorite things about us.

We argued for a bit and then eventually I realized that I was drunk, he was drunk and there was no point to arguing any further. Went our separate ways.

But I'm not giving up. I'm going to get my sexbuddy back. Especially since my dad is going away next week ;)

xxKK

ON FUCKING UP A GOOD THING

So remember that Skipper character I was telling you about?

Of course you do, I only introduced him 2 posts ago.

Anyways as previously stated he was being pretty awesome to me. We were hanging out all the time and not always in a sexual way. Like he's not just in it for the sex.

Clearly this is a good thing.

Right?

Wrong.

When presented with something wonderful instead of seeing the glass half full I see a challenge to destroy the glass.

I dunno if I mentioned this before but part of the reason I've been missing in action is because I was in the process of being kicked out of New York.
Well... out of America actually.

So in fine Kitty Kat fashion I decided to celebrate/mourn my departure in the best way I know how: Drunkly.

I decided to throw a party! I spent all this time planning and making it, in my head, sound awesome. I, in my nervous angsty state, tell everyone for 6 weeks how awesome this party is going to be. We're going to drink at my place and then go on a drunken scavenger hunt and get wasted and stupid and make it a night that we can't remember.

Well.

That didn't happen.

There was some drama with people not wanting to participate which sent me in a downward spiral of anxiety and led to some preemptive drinking. Which led to me running out of time and deciding to nix the scavenger hunt that I'd been talking about for so long. Which led to more anxiety and more drinking.

So when 8 rolled around and Skip showed up I was half in the bag and having a bit of a breakdown.

So sexy.

We end up hanging out for two hours just the two of us so I get drunk and crazy, I'm jumping on furniture and giving kisses and singing along to pandora like a mad woman. And he's just taking it all in with a smile.

Explain to me then why I decided that night to get belligerent and do something stupid?

After 2 hours of anxious waiting my friends and coworkers showed up. Including my work husband slash best guy friend, Jay.

Now I love Jay in a purely platonic way, despite our previous... encounter.

But I do love the kid. And I'm very sad to be leaving him. I'm a drunk and hes Italian. So clearly we like to mourn with our mouths.

And I'm not talking about talking...

We're being playful the whole time that we're at my house and more people are arriving and somewhere between drink 4 and 14 I kind of lose sight of Skipper and I'm dancing with people and Jay's holding me up and we're sharing a cigarette on the fire escape and having heart to hearts and thats when it hits me... I'm leaving!

Like... the country.
And all my friends and the people who have become my family.

And I start to have another break down. And Jay is there to comfort me and soon I'm suggesting that we all head to a bar. And I grab Skip and give him a kiss but then I'm off, arm in arm with Jay. Get to the bar and its all downhill. I'm getting free drinks and shots and I can't tell which way is up.

To be fair at this point I got very flirty with everyone... Skip, Jay, Shiv, Bobby the bouncer... the walls..

And I tried to get Skip up and dancing. I'm pulling at him and purring in his ear and he is just not budging from his barstool. So I move on to all of my coworkers.. dancing and singing and playing and the oh whoops my mouth is on Jays.

And then Jay and I are kissing.

It starts with a simple kiss. A peck. We're talking about how close we're going to stay and Jay's telling me how much I mean to him and it's just a kiss. A goodbye kiss.

And another.
And another..
And another....

And thus the night goes. I get drunker and it's not long before I've halfway mounted Jay in the hallway and we're making out pretty hard core.

Oops?

We return to the main bar and I'm off again, singing karaoke and saying my goodbyes to everyone.

So many tears.

The night comes to a close, and so does the bar so we head off into the night.
More goodbyes
More tears.

Skipper is comforting Siobhan as she has an epic breakdown and I love him for that.

So Jay and the other coworkers disappear into the night and I grab my man Skip and we head home.

He helps me out of my shoes, which I've managed to break, and feeds me a sandwich and a few glasses of water. Gets me undressed and puts me to bed.

He even lets me get frisky and play with him.

Now I'm not completely oblivious... I'm aware that he was pretty quite all night but I figure he was fine with the events because he still took me home. In my head it totally makes sense that he'd understand that the business with Jay was just goodbye kisses... right?

Ugh I'm not good at this shit.

At least I went out with a bang.

Can you imagine the shit that would have gone down if Mitch had shown up? Oh lordy.

More drams later..

xxKK

ON HOW I'M A BAD BLOGGER... AND OTHER THINGS

So wow... apparently there's this blog that I'm supposed to be writing.

Oops.

But I promised an update and here it is.

The fact of the matter is that the last month has been a hellhole of stress, emotions and poor decisions. All the things needed to make a great blog, I know, but where's the time??

And with everything going on I never know how to proceed with the backlog. Whether it makes sense to just write one giant post and tell you everything or stagger it in a time-lapse sort of format.

Arg.

I supposed I have enough drama to spread out into multiple posts.

Lets go back in time a bit.

So after my run in with a radioactive mosquito and a pain in the ass Joey I returned to the city to nurse my wounds (literally) and drank away the memory of inconsiderate boys I found myself back into the city routine.

Work, drink, sleep, work.

Then things got a little shaken up. See my long lost hometown friend showed up in New York.

Lets call him Skipper. He's ex-navy so the name fits. Plus it seems appropriate for a boy I knew as a trickster when I was 16.

So Skip had told me he was coming to NY for the month of June so, despite the potential awkwardness that might result from a 3 year past drunken hookup, I decide we should definitely meet up.

A saturday afternoon, some soccer and 6 pints later we're making out.

Eh.

Should have expected this.

He's a good looking hometown hookup in New York. Why not?

So we drink and kiss and drink and kiss and wind up knackered at  my house far earlier than normal.

I'm thinking this is great! I'm about to head home fore 3 months and he's heading back after a month in NY. Temporary boy toy! Who wouldn't love that?

So from then onward I was seeing Skip fairly regularly. Hanging out with my friends, getting drunk, getting tattoos. The usual.

But here's the catch. We barely are hooking up. We're doing a lot of kissing and holding hands and going on adventures but not a lot of naked adventures. So I'm having fun but am a little confused about what we are.

So this gets more confusing one night when he and I get into a spat at a bar.

He's being obnoxious and I'm being a bitch because I'm hangry and tired. So after we quip at each other for a few hours he surprises me. Because he doesn't just pull some macho male BS and make this situation worse. He actually looks at me and realizes that I'm just hungry and bitchy and suggests we go get dinner. After he buys me a delicious meal and digs me up some asprin he takes me home, tucks me in and watches a movie with me, rubbing my back until I fall asleep.

Oh shit.

This ones a good one.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?..

I'm used to the boys I screw being in it for the screwing. Not for the rubbing of backs and cuddling and things.

This could be dangerous.

Anyways this renewal of blogging has really taken it out of me so I think it's time to retire to my oh so strenuous life of leisure*.


* Oh yah I don't have a job anymore. More on that later.

xxKK