After the whole MainSqueeze thing blew up in my face I vowed that I would never again let my heart live in my vagina.
I admit I've had some set backs in the whole heart in the crotch department. I've grown attached to some of my men over the years but nothing as delusional as that first real man-stake with MainSqueeze.
Now I'd like to say that it's been a wonderful world of detached sex but it's had its ups and downs. I mean on one hand you're already playing the chance game of one night stands but then you also have the bedroom politics. Some men don't like a woman who plays the emotionless sex game. God forbid you scream their names at night then leave without a kiss goodbye in the morning.
But if you ask for a number then you're needy.
Oh sweet jesus let me just bask in the hypocrisy that is men.
I'm getting off track. Where were we? Oh yes, detached sex and not letting my chatch rule my heart.
Sometimes it gets lonely. Sometimes I just want someone to talk to and tell them how my day went. Some days I wake up and wish that I had more to look forward to with my partner than a morning orgasm.
Other days I just want the orgasm.
See, I'm not completely heartless. I do want to find a boyfriend. Hell I'd even like to find a husband before I reach 30. But I'm also aware that pining over one night stands and secret bad boy flings doesn't get me anywhere closer to that pipe dream.
It is brutally obvious that when I'm only in town for 2 weeks, the guy I take home from the bar won't be my soulmate. Hell, even when I'm in town for 2 years that guy still probably isn't the one I want to spend rainy sunday mornings with.
So why, WHY DEAR GOD, am I starting to harbor feelings for a fling?
It's not even a plausible one. It's not like I'm in love with Mr. FancyPants Sebastian and his high school diploma, who at least lives in the same country as me. Nope. I've gone and developed wibbly girly feelings for a guy that lives a world away. I dunno if I should even say which of my escapades I'm referring to because it's just so implausible.
We have nothing in common, we barely ever talk and it's doubtful we'll ever be in the same location for very long.
Yet here I am, sitting up at night, thinking about him.
Someone shoot me, I think I have a crush.
It's just... despite not having anything in common with him and barely ever talking he is the guy that I want to spent rainy sunday mornings with. I think we'd be happy spending a night together where all of our clothes stay on. I believe he'd find my love of water gun fights endearing and sexy.
My day dreams often involve water gun fights.
None of this changes that it's ridiculous and stupid and could never work.
Also this doesn't take into account that, while I do think he enjoyed screwing me, I have no idea if he even sees me like that. I gotta figure out a way to shake this.
No, the answer is not to get over him by getting under someone else. I've already done that. It doesn't work. So if you have any useful advice for me, please send it my way. Because I feel like a right idiot.
Stoopid Vagina
xxKK
Showing posts with label Man Problems. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Man Problems. Show all posts
Monday, September 24, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
THOUGHTS ON DOUBLE STANDARDS
Todays post is going to be a little different than my usual foray into manventures. I was talking this morning to one of my guy friends about his various lady problems and I was giving him some advice about how to drop a summer fling and how to avoid being friend zoned. Somewhere in the mix I said how I would have made such a better man than a girl.
And I do believe that on some level. I always end up hanging out with the guys and I've had way more close guy friends in my life than girl friends. I've always been attracted to the more masculine things in life. I like video games and taking apart electronics and football etc, etc.
And I often lump sex into that.
That's a problem. It's a double standard. I'm basically saying that it's more acceptable for guys to be sexually experienced. And yeah, sometimes I make poor decisions and I don't always have the best judgement when it comes to partners but does that mean I should be looked at as a slut or be given a bad reputation? If I were a guy I might get a little judgement for the quality of ass that I pulled but it wouldn't be seen as slutty or wrong.
How can I agree with that? When did I start letting other people tell me how I should live my life? Do I think I've made mistakes? Yes. Have some of those been sexual? Yes. But in the grand scheme of things does it make me a worse person?
No.
It doesn't. I enjoy sex and in my perfect world I would have a boyfriend who gave it to me regularly but just because I don't have the boyfriend doesn't mean I can't have the sex.
I have regrets but most of those revolve around the times that I've hurt someone. It's not like "oh no! I slept with someone else and am not immoral and slutty and stupid and I hate myself." No. It's usually "oh no... I didn't realize the effect that would have on that person I care about. I feel horrible that I hurt them."
So I'm taking back what I said to my friend this morning. I do still think my life would be easier if I were a man (I mean... no more cramps would be nice) but easier doesn't mean better. And being a girl I get to do things I wouldn't as a man... like give birth or wear high heels or change the double standard that comes with sexual experience.
I'm a girl. One who likes sex and has a lot of it. And I'm a goddamn fucking lady. And I refuse to let anyone, including myself, tell me otherwise.
I'm taking a stand and taking back my sexual identity. This is my body and these are my choices and I'm going to continue to make mistakes but I'm also going to continue enjoying my life and living by my terms.
xxKK
And I do believe that on some level. I always end up hanging out with the guys and I've had way more close guy friends in my life than girl friends. I've always been attracted to the more masculine things in life. I like video games and taking apart electronics and football etc, etc.
And I often lump sex into that.
That's a problem. It's a double standard. I'm basically saying that it's more acceptable for guys to be sexually experienced. And yeah, sometimes I make poor decisions and I don't always have the best judgement when it comes to partners but does that mean I should be looked at as a slut or be given a bad reputation? If I were a guy I might get a little judgement for the quality of ass that I pulled but it wouldn't be seen as slutty or wrong.
How can I agree with that? When did I start letting other people tell me how I should live my life? Do I think I've made mistakes? Yes. Have some of those been sexual? Yes. But in the grand scheme of things does it make me a worse person?
No.
It doesn't. I enjoy sex and in my perfect world I would have a boyfriend who gave it to me regularly but just because I don't have the boyfriend doesn't mean I can't have the sex.
I have regrets but most of those revolve around the times that I've hurt someone. It's not like "oh no! I slept with someone else and am not immoral and slutty and stupid and I hate myself." No. It's usually "oh no... I didn't realize the effect that would have on that person I care about. I feel horrible that I hurt them."
So I'm taking back what I said to my friend this morning. I do still think my life would be easier if I were a man (I mean... no more cramps would be nice) but easier doesn't mean better. And being a girl I get to do things I wouldn't as a man... like give birth or wear high heels or change the double standard that comes with sexual experience.
I'm a girl. One who likes sex and has a lot of it. And I'm a goddamn fucking lady. And I refuse to let anyone, including myself, tell me otherwise.
I'm taking a stand and taking back my sexual identity. This is my body and these are my choices and I'm going to continue to make mistakes but I'm also going to continue enjoying my life and living by my terms.
xxKK
Saturday, September 15, 2012
RECAP AND CATCH UP
Hey kids,
Long time no see. My fault, I know. I've been a little MIA for the past, oh I dunno, 3 months. But I had this whole debacle happen with Skip and Eric and then some work drama and moving drama and moving away from New York drama and it just all got a little much.
But its still not fair. I promised debauchery! And things are a little different now so I don't know how much of that promise I'll be able to keep but by god I will try.
Let's catch up.
So Skip found out that I had hooked up with Eric and stopped talking to me.
I vowed never again to see Eric but then Skip still didn't talk to/ forgive me so when Eric invited me out for his birthday I went.
That "early night" turned into triple shots of jager and crawling back into Erics bed.
Eric, instead of being fun drunk, decided to get all deep and emotional and thats not really my thing so that was a buzzkill. He still tried to insist on birthday sex... and we sort of did but he was drunk and couldn't keep up so my birthday present to him was pretending it was good for me.
After that he started texting and calling me all the time. Started talking about how he knew all the guys I slept with. In a creepy he-remembers-better-than-I-do way. Told half the people I know that we were dating and the other half that we had soooo much sex.
This was a clingy situation and, frankly, not to my liking so I cut him from my roster.
Run into Skip a few days later and he's completely find with me. like no problem at all. Because he wasn't mad.. no of course not.. he was just busy with his new job. I mean... why would he be mad that I was hanging out with his best friend? Right?
Yeah...
That awkward answer led to him asking if I'd slept with Eric... it's a small town. People talk. I wasn't going to lie to him! So I told Skip the truth and then he was mad for real.
But whatever.
You can't sex breakup with me and then get mad when I sleep with your best friend! I mean I get that it was kind of slutty but it's not like I knew who he was when I met him. Gosh.
After that I took some detours along the slutty train to make out with some ex-coworkers and a boy in a hot tub.
Then I took a trip to uncharted territory.
I became a cougarette.
I was partying with some boys I know from high school and they had this hot guy I'd never seen before with them. And he gave me that look. The one that lets you know that they want to take you home. And they get what they want.
I wasn't used to being on the receiving end of such a look.
I swooned.
Now lemme paint you a little picture. This guy, looked like Josh Harnett, circa 2002, with blond hair and beautiful blue eyes.
Swoon with me this time kids.
So we start talking and its charged and sexual and he invites me to an afterparty where we make out until one of my old buddies from HS tells me exactly who I'm kissing.
This is Giles... Charlie's baby cousin. Who is 20. Who just turned 20. And is three years younger than me and related to my very serious ex.
I tell Giles this isnt a good idea but hey, he's young, they're second cousins and he's very persuasive.
So we go back to his apartment and I learn that some kids just don't know how to use what god gave them.
So disappointing.
But at least I got to look at that beautiful face while I was disappointed.
The next morning Giles tried to get my number so we could hang out and I laughed a little and then told him I was leaving in two days. He was sad, but that's to be expected. Oh well.
Two days later Skip calls and wants to get together on my last night at home. I think we're gonna make up and... make up... but after a drink that I stretched a painful 2 hours and a rousing conversation about my big move he kissed me on the cheek and wished me well.
What the fuck?
You don't just call up a sex buddy that you aren't speaking to for drinks and then not sleep with them. It's just mean.
So being a child I instantly texted one of my guys friends, Austin, about my disappointing turn of events and he invited me over to remedy the situation.
Now... this was a little out of the blue. I mean I've known Austin since I was 14 and other than this one time when I was 15 where I made out with him for like 20 seconds I haven't had any interaction like that with him before. We're buddies. He helps me with my inability to fill motor vehicles with fuel and I provide witty commentary and banter.
But I was bored, super stressed about the move and 5 minutes from him so I threw on my sweat pants and went to Austins.
He greeted me in basketball shorts and a wifebeater, looking pretty fine, and then we just chilled out for 2 hours. We were sort of watching Transformers but that just turned into my ragging on Megan Fox and her bitchy cheekbones so after a while he turned it off and asked what I wanted to do.
Well... you know me..
Anyways I won't give you the details because this is just an overview, a quick catch up and it's getting pretty long, but I will say that it was the best fucking stress relief I've ever had. And Austin is fucking mad cool so I'm really hoping that we continue to... help each other out... whenever I'm home.
He's one of like... 3 people I talk to regularly from home.
Well.
That was summer back home. I have one story from my brief visit back to New York and a load of stuff to tell you about my new home but for now I'll just bid you adieu and say I've missed you and I hope that you're still checking in every now and then, even if I did desert you for a few months.
Love love love.
xxKK
Long time no see. My fault, I know. I've been a little MIA for the past, oh I dunno, 3 months. But I had this whole debacle happen with Skip and Eric and then some work drama and moving drama and moving away from New York drama and it just all got a little much.
But its still not fair. I promised debauchery! And things are a little different now so I don't know how much of that promise I'll be able to keep but by god I will try.
Let's catch up.
So Skip found out that I had hooked up with Eric and stopped talking to me.
I vowed never again to see Eric but then Skip still didn't talk to/ forgive me so when Eric invited me out for his birthday I went.
That "early night" turned into triple shots of jager and crawling back into Erics bed.
Eric, instead of being fun drunk, decided to get all deep and emotional and thats not really my thing so that was a buzzkill. He still tried to insist on birthday sex... and we sort of did but he was drunk and couldn't keep up so my birthday present to him was pretending it was good for me.
After that he started texting and calling me all the time. Started talking about how he knew all the guys I slept with. In a creepy he-remembers-better-than-I-do way. Told half the people I know that we were dating and the other half that we had soooo much sex.
This was a clingy situation and, frankly, not to my liking so I cut him from my roster.
Run into Skip a few days later and he's completely find with me. like no problem at all. Because he wasn't mad.. no of course not.. he was just busy with his new job. I mean... why would he be mad that I was hanging out with his best friend? Right?
Yeah...
That awkward answer led to him asking if I'd slept with Eric... it's a small town. People talk. I wasn't going to lie to him! So I told Skip the truth and then he was mad for real.
But whatever.
You can't sex breakup with me and then get mad when I sleep with your best friend! I mean I get that it was kind of slutty but it's not like I knew who he was when I met him. Gosh.
After that I took some detours along the slutty train to make out with some ex-coworkers and a boy in a hot tub.
Then I took a trip to uncharted territory.
I became a cougarette.
I was partying with some boys I know from high school and they had this hot guy I'd never seen before with them. And he gave me that look. The one that lets you know that they want to take you home. And they get what they want.
I wasn't used to being on the receiving end of such a look.
I swooned.
Now lemme paint you a little picture. This guy, looked like Josh Harnett, circa 2002, with blond hair and beautiful blue eyes.
Spitting image.
Swoon with me this time kids.
So we start talking and its charged and sexual and he invites me to an afterparty where we make out until one of my old buddies from HS tells me exactly who I'm kissing.
This is Giles... Charlie's baby cousin. Who is 20. Who just turned 20. And is three years younger than me and related to my very serious ex.
I tell Giles this isnt a good idea but hey, he's young, they're second cousins and he's very persuasive.
So we go back to his apartment and I learn that some kids just don't know how to use what god gave them.
So disappointing.
But at least I got to look at that beautiful face while I was disappointed.
The next morning Giles tried to get my number so we could hang out and I laughed a little and then told him I was leaving in two days. He was sad, but that's to be expected. Oh well.
Two days later Skip calls and wants to get together on my last night at home. I think we're gonna make up and... make up... but after a drink that I stretched a painful 2 hours and a rousing conversation about my big move he kissed me on the cheek and wished me well.
What the fuck?
You don't just call up a sex buddy that you aren't speaking to for drinks and then not sleep with them. It's just mean.
So being a child I instantly texted one of my guys friends, Austin, about my disappointing turn of events and he invited me over to remedy the situation.
Now... this was a little out of the blue. I mean I've known Austin since I was 14 and other than this one time when I was 15 where I made out with him for like 20 seconds I haven't had any interaction like that with him before. We're buddies. He helps me with my inability to fill motor vehicles with fuel and I provide witty commentary and banter.
But I was bored, super stressed about the move and 5 minutes from him so I threw on my sweat pants and went to Austins.
He greeted me in basketball shorts and a wifebeater, looking pretty fine, and then we just chilled out for 2 hours. We were sort of watching Transformers but that just turned into my ragging on Megan Fox and her bitchy cheekbones so after a while he turned it off and asked what I wanted to do.
Well... you know me..
Anyways I won't give you the details because this is just an overview, a quick catch up and it's getting pretty long, but I will say that it was the best fucking stress relief I've ever had. And Austin is fucking mad cool so I'm really hoping that we continue to... help each other out... whenever I'm home.
He's one of like... 3 people I talk to regularly from home.
Well.
That was summer back home. I have one story from my brief visit back to New York and a load of stuff to tell you about my new home but for now I'll just bid you adieu and say I've missed you and I hope that you're still checking in every now and then, even if I did desert you for a few months.
Love love love.
xxKK
Sunday, July 29, 2012
LIGHT ME UP LIKE A GLOW STICK, BABY.
After the injuries of last week I decided I needed to a) not hook up with vag breakers anymore b) probably find a new playmate and c) rave the pain away.
Success on all counts.
A) I saw Grant at happy hour and, despite the fact that I basically walked into a trashcan, I managed to play it cool and just give him a friendly wave.
B) While out on Thursday night I found myself in VIP with bottle service with some old coworkers and I met two new hot boy friends. One, who right now doesn't really matter, and Eric. A blue eyed bad boy with a wicked smile and sense of humor. He worked pretty hard to keep my attention and, not only did he ask for my number, but he also used it. He used it to send me sweet nothings and make plans for the next night.
C) About that next night. There was a rave at one of the bars so after I went to happy hour, dinner and drinks with Marie, I met up with Eric and my girls and went down, dressed in a blindingly neon green shirt and sunglasses. Because I wear sunglasses at night. Because I'm a douchebag.
Now, for the record, I haven't been to a rave since I went through my... precarious party phase in New York. And I don't really rage like that anymore so I went thinking I'd have a few drinks, dance under the strobe light, head home early.
NOT THE CASE.
I had a few drinks, danced under the strobe light, fell down some stairs, raged like a true raver, ended up on stage at some point, got yelled at by the bouncer and, at around 2:30, blitzed out of my mind, left with Eric.
First we went back to Eric's friends house to listen to a really weird mix of music and do vodka shots and be weird. Left around 6 am. Went to Eric's where I promptly demanded to be horizontal and opted out of a shower so I could climb into bed.
Probably a bad idea. I was so dirty.
I had god only knows what in my hair, I was sweaty, covered in booze and neon paint and I looked worse than I've looked in a loooong time. But when Eric got back from his shower none of that dirtiness stopped him from jumping right into bed with me. At first, respecting the post rave exhaustion, he just cuddled and rubbed my back. Once I'd slept a while we began to play.
No sex but a lot of fun.
In the morning we realized that, having left his bike in town we had no trans so Eric starts to text his nearby friends to see if anyone will give us a ride. And we're snuggling and I can see him texting and I notice that he's talking to someone named Skip.
Yup.
Skip.
My Skipper.
And here Eric is... asking him to come pick us up. So I mention that maybe, just maybe, that's not the greatest idea. Because I know him.
In the biblical sense.
And this it hits me. This is Eric. This is Skipper's best friend Eric. Who Skip has told me about in detail. HIS BEST FRIEND. So of course immediately Eric tells Skip that he's with me.
Radio Silence.
Apparently Skipper didn't want to sleep with me anymore... but he also didn't want his friends to either...
Oops.
I mean... what's the protocol for something like this? What does whore etiquette dictate for accidental best friend seducing?
The good news is that being Eskimo buddies with Skip doesn't seem to bother Eric.
We ended up calling a cab and I got redressed in my neon green dress, looked at myself in the mirror and tried, in vain, to pull myself together into some semblance of normalcy. Because I looked like shit. On top of the previous nights mess I now had bed head and some serious pillow marks.
Plus you know how after you've raged you wake up with everything looking different. Like your eyes are dull and your skin is gross looking and you smell like death.
Yeah.
That.
So I threw on some emergency makeup, tried to tame my hair into a bun and walked out in a slutty slutty rave outfit.
Neon Walk Of Shame.
When I stopped to get cash out it was mortifying. I'm dressed like a fucking highlighter and everybody is staring at me. A bright light of shame. Or game. Either one.
Anyways, I think it might have been worth the shame because I found a fun playmate for, hopefully, the rest of the summer. I thought that, like most boys, he would just sort of disappear. That once I was out of sight I'd be out his thoughts too. But no. It's Sunday and ever since I left his side yesterday I've had a constant stream of lovely messages from him and he has been quite convincing in trying me to come over. I mean he promised me a back massage! Thats some serious willpower kryptonite. But luckily for my dignity I have no trans. I'm trying to make him work for it.
Wish me luck, lovelies.
xxKK
Yup.
Skip.
My Skipper.
And here Eric is... asking him to come pick us up. So I mention that maybe, just maybe, that's not the greatest idea. Because I know him.
In the biblical sense.
And this it hits me. This is Eric. This is Skipper's best friend Eric. Who Skip has told me about in detail. HIS BEST FRIEND. So of course immediately Eric tells Skip that he's with me.
Radio Silence.
Apparently Skipper didn't want to sleep with me anymore... but he also didn't want his friends to either...
Oops.
I mean... what's the protocol for something like this? What does whore etiquette dictate for accidental best friend seducing?
The good news is that being Eskimo buddies with Skip doesn't seem to bother Eric.
We ended up calling a cab and I got redressed in my neon green dress, looked at myself in the mirror and tried, in vain, to pull myself together into some semblance of normalcy. Because I looked like shit. On top of the previous nights mess I now had bed head and some serious pillow marks.
Plus you know how after you've raged you wake up with everything looking different. Like your eyes are dull and your skin is gross looking and you smell like death.
Yeah.
That.
So I threw on some emergency makeup, tried to tame my hair into a bun and walked out in a slutty slutty rave outfit.
Neon Walk Of Shame.
When I stopped to get cash out it was mortifying. I'm dressed like a fucking highlighter and everybody is staring at me. A bright light of shame. Or game. Either one.
Anyways, I think it might have been worth the shame because I found a fun playmate for, hopefully, the rest of the summer. I thought that, like most boys, he would just sort of disappear. That once I was out of sight I'd be out his thoughts too. But no. It's Sunday and ever since I left his side yesterday I've had a constant stream of lovely messages from him and he has been quite convincing in trying me to come over. I mean he promised me a back massage! Thats some serious willpower kryptonite. But luckily for my dignity I have no trans. I'm trying to make him work for it.
Wish me luck, lovelies.
xxKK
Friday, July 27, 2012
SCREWING AROUND / HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN AGAIN?
WARNING: This contains some graphic, not so sexy, images. If you are squeemish you might want to skip this post. You've been warned.
So I promised you some sexytime stories and it may have taken me longer than I like to get down to it but, don't worry, I got in the field and I did some dirty work for y'all.
But unfortunately this isn't all sunshine and unicorn giggles.
Well... that wouldn't be my idea of a good time anyways. But thats besides the point. The point is that while I rejoice a sexual encounter I expect it to be a pleasant and pain-free experience. And sometimes my expectations are not met. But usually even when my experiences are total failures (see EMT guy, Ken, Jay.. and 85% of the other boys) I usually don't feel broken after. Except for that one time with Billy.
But I swore after Billy I'd never ever let a man break me like that again. I mean.. we are talking ice pack to the vag broken.
Not pretty.
Anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself.
I'm out in town with some friends and I'm drinking and dancing and doing the usual social mingle. And I have decided that I'm going to have sex. Because honestly, this shit is getting ridiculous. I have been home for almost a month, seen basically everyone of my past sex buddies and not a single person has propositioned me yet. That's insanity! I always get laid when I'm home. This is upsetting. So I'm going to have sex.
Well the whole freaking night goes by and nothing.
Except that I ran into a kid I used to babysit at the bar. Nothing makes you feel older than some tiny skinny girl in a crop top and tiny shorts bouncing around as you reminisce over babysitting adventures.
Ugh.
So my crew decides they want to leave and I run into Grant, my neighbor.
Now Grant and I have a bit of a past. See when I was regularly sleeping with Main Squeeze we had our share of... problems.
Secrecy, infidelity, lying, confusion. Etc. Anyways once I realize that our secrecy was because of the infidelity and his lying about having other girlfriends I may have gotten a liiiitle mad and gone on a sex spree.
This was all before I had this blog so you can't be mad that I didn't tell you about it. Anyways in one week I slept with a geek, a d-bag and I blew my next door neighbor... Grant.
But see, in the middle of blowing Grant two things happened. I realized that, having been finished off first, I wasn't that invested in Grant having an orgasm and Main Squeeze texted me asking me to come over.
MS was my first crush after Charlie crushed my heart. He was my first bad boy. So sexy and despite the aforementioned issues as soon as he texted I mumbled some excuse to Grant, left him there with a hard on and drove my drunken ass to MS's to have some crazy hate/love sex.
The next time I saw him we split a cab home with another girl and somehow all three of us ended up drinking wine by his pool and with the two of them dating.
Third time he tried to feel me up in a cab and I drunkenly gave him a talking to because I am clearly not that kind of woman and how dare he disrespect me.
Except clearly I'm totally that kind of woman
So this time I was shocked when everything was going fairly normally. We got to our neighborhood. We'd already been poured on so it wasn't so hard to jump in the pool. Naked of course.
We started to play and I definitely thought he was going to drown when he started to give me oral underwater. Literally.. it was such a weird sensation and I definitely was enjoying myself but I was also worried that at any minute he was going to run out of air and die. And do you realize how awkward that would be?
I mean. Clearly I'd have to call 911. And wake up his family. And explain how he'd managed to drown in the shallow end of their pool. And why he was naked. And why I was there. And why I was wet. OMG and then I'd be that girl who'd killed a girl with her vagina. I'd be in a pool, naked, with a corpse.
Oh wow. Where's that klonopin?
We're on the fast track to anxiety-ville.
Anyways he didn't die.
Huzzah!
We finish up in the pool and it's fucking freezing by this point so I'm looking forward to the warmth of a comfy bed and lots of body heat and sexiness.
Wrong again!
He tells me that his room is right between his darling sister and his parents so thats probably a bad idea. So we head to the sauna... the scene of our first encounter. More touching and playing and joking and I grab some condoms and then he's like... "Kitty... we're just having fun, right?"
WAY TO KILL THE MOOD DUDE.
Like come on. Look at me. I'm fucking naked in your sauna for the second time, drenched from a goddamn naked midnight swim in your porn-y friggin' pool. Do I look like I'm trying to marry you? NO. Shut up and get in me.
So we go at it for a bit. And then the wonders of drunkery get to him and we have some equipment malfunctions. He tries to make up for it and by this point I'm tired, uncomfortable (have you ever tried to fuck in a sauna? It's all wood and no cushions.) and I just want to be done already. But noooooo! He's a man and he has to prove himself.
So he's going for it and I'm enjoying it and whatever and then suddenly it's kind of painful and I brush it off because I often have this problem. Frictions a bitch, yo. So he's still going and right as I'm like stop, I'm done he stops and he's like "oh my god, I'm so sorry." So I look down and his arm is covered in blood.
Like... Looks like he was on the fucking set of Grey's Anatomy. And I realize he's apologizing because that blood is coming out of me.
WHAT THE FUCK.
Clearly we have to stop. Because I've managed to get blood all over him, me, the floor and the wooden seat of the sauna. Fuck. My. Life.
So he suggests we jump back in the pool. A brief swim and a mortifying experience of washing my blood off the floor later and we're heading to my house. Which is a few doors down from his so it wasn't a difficult commute. Just uncomfortable considering the wet clothes, the cold air and the blood on my legs.
I can't say I've ever been quite so mortified in my life.
Before I leave he makes a joke about how clearly this means we shouldn't try again since the world has it against us. So there goes that potential sex buddy.
Which I'm okay with since, you know, he broke my vagina and all. But still. It's sort of depressing to know that you might only get one one-night-stand during the whole 2 month vacation home.
Well I haven't had to put an ice pack on this time but this was definitely more upsetting than Billy. Hey Billy was gay, married and had a tiny penis. I didn't really care about not seeing him again but Grant is my neighbor! Who I've managed to be naked with quite a few times. Oh my god. I wonder if he's as scarred by that image as I am. Because seriously... it was like a horror movie.
I'm dying of embarrassment. And now that I have shared that embarrassment with all of the interwebs I think I shall retire to my bed and bury my head far far far under a pillow and a pile of blankets.
Please feel free to send me any comforting words or perhaps a mortifying story of your own to ease my wounded soul.
xxKK
So I promised you some sexytime stories and it may have taken me longer than I like to get down to it but, don't worry, I got in the field and I did some dirty work for y'all.
But unfortunately this isn't all sunshine and unicorn giggles.
Well... that wouldn't be my idea of a good time anyways. But thats besides the point. The point is that while I rejoice a sexual encounter I expect it to be a pleasant and pain-free experience. And sometimes my expectations are not met. But usually even when my experiences are total failures (see EMT guy, Ken, Jay.. and 85% of the other boys) I usually don't feel broken after. Except for that one time with Billy.
But I swore after Billy I'd never ever let a man break me like that again. I mean.. we are talking ice pack to the vag broken.
Not pretty.
Anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself.
I'm out in town with some friends and I'm drinking and dancing and doing the usual social mingle. And I have decided that I'm going to have sex. Because honestly, this shit is getting ridiculous. I have been home for almost a month, seen basically everyone of my past sex buddies and not a single person has propositioned me yet. That's insanity! I always get laid when I'm home. This is upsetting. So I'm going to have sex.
Well the whole freaking night goes by and nothing.
Except that I ran into a kid I used to babysit at the bar. Nothing makes you feel older than some tiny skinny girl in a crop top and tiny shorts bouncing around as you reminisce over babysitting adventures.
Ugh.
So my crew decides they want to leave and I run into Grant, my neighbor.
Now Grant and I have a bit of a past. See when I was regularly sleeping with Main Squeeze we had our share of... problems.
Secrecy, infidelity, lying, confusion. Etc. Anyways once I realize that our secrecy was because of the infidelity and his lying about having other girlfriends I may have gotten a liiiitle mad and gone on a sex spree.
This was all before I had this blog so you can't be mad that I didn't tell you about it. Anyways in one week I slept with a geek, a d-bag and I blew my next door neighbor... Grant.
But see, in the middle of blowing Grant two things happened. I realized that, having been finished off first, I wasn't that invested in Grant having an orgasm and Main Squeeze texted me asking me to come over.
MS was my first crush after Charlie crushed my heart. He was my first bad boy. So sexy and despite the aforementioned issues as soon as he texted I mumbled some excuse to Grant, left him there with a hard on and drove my drunken ass to MS's to have some crazy hate/love sex.
The next time I saw him we split a cab home with another girl and somehow all three of us ended up drinking wine by his pool and with the two of them dating.
Third time he tried to feel me up in a cab and I drunkenly gave him a talking to because I am clearly not that kind of woman and how dare he disrespect me.
Except clearly I'm totally that kind of woman
So this time I was shocked when everything was going fairly normally. We got to our neighborhood. We'd already been poured on so it wasn't so hard to jump in the pool. Naked of course.
We started to play and I definitely thought he was going to drown when he started to give me oral underwater. Literally.. it was such a weird sensation and I definitely was enjoying myself but I was also worried that at any minute he was going to run out of air and die. And do you realize how awkward that would be?
I mean. Clearly I'd have to call 911. And wake up his family. And explain how he'd managed to drown in the shallow end of their pool. And why he was naked. And why I was there. And why I was wet. OMG and then I'd be that girl who'd killed a girl with her vagina. I'd be in a pool, naked, with a corpse.
Oh wow. Where's that klonopin?
We're on the fast track to anxiety-ville.
Anyways he didn't die.
Huzzah!
We finish up in the pool and it's fucking freezing by this point so I'm looking forward to the warmth of a comfy bed and lots of body heat and sexiness.
Wrong again!
He tells me that his room is right between his darling sister and his parents so thats probably a bad idea. So we head to the sauna... the scene of our first encounter. More touching and playing and joking and I grab some condoms and then he's like... "Kitty... we're just having fun, right?"
WAY TO KILL THE MOOD DUDE.
Like come on. Look at me. I'm fucking naked in your sauna for the second time, drenched from a goddamn naked midnight swim in your porn-y friggin' pool. Do I look like I'm trying to marry you? NO. Shut up and get in me.
So we go at it for a bit. And then the wonders of drunkery get to him and we have some equipment malfunctions. He tries to make up for it and by this point I'm tired, uncomfortable (have you ever tried to fuck in a sauna? It's all wood and no cushions.) and I just want to be done already. But noooooo! He's a man and he has to prove himself.
So he's going for it and I'm enjoying it and whatever and then suddenly it's kind of painful and I brush it off because I often have this problem. Frictions a bitch, yo. So he's still going and right as I'm like stop, I'm done he stops and he's like "oh my god, I'm so sorry." So I look down and his arm is covered in blood.
Like... Looks like he was on the fucking set of Grey's Anatomy. And I realize he's apologizing because that blood is coming out of me.
WHAT THE FUCK.
Clearly we have to stop. Because I've managed to get blood all over him, me, the floor and the wooden seat of the sauna. Fuck. My. Life.
So he suggests we jump back in the pool. A brief swim and a mortifying experience of washing my blood off the floor later and we're heading to my house. Which is a few doors down from his so it wasn't a difficult commute. Just uncomfortable considering the wet clothes, the cold air and the blood on my legs.
I can't say I've ever been quite so mortified in my life.
Before I leave he makes a joke about how clearly this means we shouldn't try again since the world has it against us. So there goes that potential sex buddy.
Which I'm okay with since, you know, he broke my vagina and all. But still. It's sort of depressing to know that you might only get one one-night-stand during the whole 2 month vacation home.
Well I haven't had to put an ice pack on this time but this was definitely more upsetting than Billy. Hey Billy was gay, married and had a tiny penis. I didn't really care about not seeing him again but Grant is my neighbor! Who I've managed to be naked with quite a few times. Oh my god. I wonder if he's as scarred by that image as I am. Because seriously... it was like a horror movie.
I'm dying of embarrassment. And now that I have shared that embarrassment with all of the interwebs I think I shall retire to my bed and bury my head far far far under a pillow and a pile of blankets.
Please feel free to send me any comforting words or perhaps a mortifying story of your own to ease my wounded soul.
xxKK
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
SO ABOUT HOW I'M HATABLE....
So since I've been back I've been working at rekindling my friendships with various hometown buddies.
Getting my girlfriends back, my tan back, my drink back and my boys back.
Including Ninja. Because despite all the twisty turn-y angst that that boy has caused my soul I still consider him a good friend. Like at the heart of the issue all I want is for him to be happy. Happy with his wife, as painful as that may some times be, is still happy. So I support that. And I support him. Isn't that enough?
Well so far it seemed to be going pretty good. We've been texting - back to the usual sarcastic banter etc.
So then I run into him on friday night after I'd had a few drinks. And when I drink I'm friendly. And he and I are friends so I was friendly.
But not like... overly. Just friendly.
And I'm dancing with his friends and joking with everyone and having an awesome time and he's joking with me and gives me hugs and playfully pinching me and it's just a fun night. And I leave pretty early and everything seems great. I didn't flirt, I didn't do anything inappropriate. I just had an awesome night with one of my best friends.
So cut to a week later - why is it that when I run into him and Tori at a street fair he doesn't even stop to speak? Like.. I say hello and slow down and he just keeps walking.
She didn't even acknowledge that I was there.
Like... what the hell?
We're either friends or we aren't and if we aren't then lets just stop. Because I can't do this shit. I honestly can't. I'm so sick of being someones secret.
First it was Ninja, then Main Squeeze, then I dunno... every fucking boy I've ever been with.
This sucks.
And then I come home and bemoan my woes to Marie and she pretty much makes it clear that despite my good intentions (my words, not hers) I'm still wrong.
Because at the end of the day Ninja is married. And I'm just a blimp from his past. And Tori has a reason to hate me. I'm hatable. There is someone who actively hates me.
And I deserve it.
According to Marie if I were any kind of decent I would just walk away from Ninja and never look back. No more texting, no more talking, no more hanging out. Just get rid of the friendship. But I'm clearly not decent. I'm clearly a shitty fucking hatable person.
She's right. I should just resign myself to the fact that even if all I want is for him to be happy that I'm still the adulterous cunt in this situation. I've fucked up too much. I'm a fuck up.
Ugh I didn't mean for this to turn into a pity party. Just makes me sad. Because I'm either a bitch and friends with him or sad without him.
Off to bed.
xxKK
Monday, July 23, 2012
AYE AYE SKIPPER
So I landed back home and I get to work on my social calls and keeping myself busy. And then my girls NP and Shiv come to visit and we have a sweet ass bitchin' time. And that keeps me busy too. And then Skip gets back.
And I'm like YAY! Playmate in the house! Woot woot! Sexy time!
So I see him out and I give him a big hug and he's drunk and I'm drinking and I get some kisses and he's holding my hand and it's great. It's New York funtime but back home! How great is this?!
So he and his bros move to another bar and he's all "come with me, come on baby" but I'd just ordered a drink the size of my head so I decided to meet up with him later.
He leaves, gives me a nice kiss good bye and goes.
I drink my big drink. And another. And, oops, one more.
Then I go to track him down. And track him down I have to. Because he's not where he said he'd be. So I, like a fucking crazy person go to two more bars before I find him.
I find him and he's fucking shit faced. Like... deadly amounts of alcohol had been consumed. So I of course cuddle right up to him and start making out. Because I like my boyfriends blackout.
And we're kissing and cuddling and it's all good stuff. Then suddenly he starts talking about how we don't make sense and how theres only two months left together so really its a waste of time to be together.
Wait.
I know I just said I like my boyfriends blackout but that doesn't mean I actually think you're my boyfriend! Ew no! We're just having fun and frankly the fact that we have a near approaching expiration date is one of my favorite things about us.
We argued for a bit and then eventually I realized that I was drunk, he was drunk and there was no point to arguing any further. Went our separate ways.
But I'm not giving up. I'm going to get my sexbuddy back. Especially since my dad is going away next week ;)
xxKK
And I'm like YAY! Playmate in the house! Woot woot! Sexy time!
So I see him out and I give him a big hug and he's drunk and I'm drinking and I get some kisses and he's holding my hand and it's great. It's New York funtime but back home! How great is this?!
So he and his bros move to another bar and he's all "come with me, come on baby" but I'd just ordered a drink the size of my head so I decided to meet up with him later.
He leaves, gives me a nice kiss good bye and goes.
I drink my big drink. And another. And, oops, one more.
Then I go to track him down. And track him down I have to. Because he's not where he said he'd be. So I, like a fucking crazy person go to two more bars before I find him.
I find him and he's fucking shit faced. Like... deadly amounts of alcohol had been consumed. So I of course cuddle right up to him and start making out. Because I like my boyfriends blackout.
And we're kissing and cuddling and it's all good stuff. Then suddenly he starts talking about how we don't make sense and how theres only two months left together so really its a waste of time to be together.
Wait.
I know I just said I like my boyfriends blackout but that doesn't mean I actually think you're my boyfriend! Ew no! We're just having fun and frankly the fact that we have a near approaching expiration date is one of my favorite things about us.
We argued for a bit and then eventually I realized that I was drunk, he was drunk and there was no point to arguing any further. Went our separate ways.
But I'm not giving up. I'm going to get my sexbuddy back. Especially since my dad is going away next week ;)
xxKK
Thursday, July 19, 2012
ON FUCKING UP A GOOD THING
So remember that Skipper character I was telling you about?
Of course you do, I only introduced him 2 posts ago.
Anyways as previously stated he was being pretty awesome to me. We were hanging out all the time and not always in a sexual way. Like he's not just in it for the sex.
Clearly this is a good thing.
Right?
Wrong.
When presented with something wonderful instead of seeing the glass half full I see a challenge to destroy the glass.
I dunno if I mentioned this before but part of the reason I've been missing in action is because I was in the process of being kicked out of New York.
Well... out of America actually.
So in fine Kitty Kat fashion I decided to celebrate/mourn my departure in the best way I know how: Drunkly.
I decided to throw a party! I spent all this time planning and making it, in my head, sound awesome. I, in my nervous angsty state, tell everyone for 6 weeks how awesome this party is going to be. We're going to drink at my place and then go on a drunken scavenger hunt and get wasted and stupid and make it a night that we can't remember.
Well.
That didn't happen.
There was some drama with people not wanting to participate which sent me in a downward spiral of anxiety and led to some preemptive drinking. Which led to me running out of time and deciding to nix the scavenger hunt that I'd been talking about for so long. Which led to more anxiety and more drinking.
So when 8 rolled around and Skip showed up I was half in the bag and having a bit of a breakdown.
So sexy.
We end up hanging out for two hours just the two of us so I get drunk and crazy, I'm jumping on furniture and giving kisses and singing along to pandora like a mad woman. And he's just taking it all in with a smile.
Explain to me then why I decided that night to get belligerent and do something stupid?
After 2 hours of anxious waiting my friends and coworkers showed up. Including my work husband slash best guy friend, Jay.
Now I love Jay in a purely platonic way, despite our previous... encounter.
But I do love the kid. And I'm very sad to be leaving him. I'm a drunk and hes Italian. So clearly we like to mourn with our mouths.
And I'm not talking about talking...
We're being playful the whole time that we're at my house and more people are arriving and somewhere between drink 4 and 14 I kind of lose sight of Skipper and I'm dancing with people and Jay's holding me up and we're sharing a cigarette on the fire escape and having heart to hearts and thats when it hits me... I'm leaving!
Like... the country.
And all my friends and the people who have become my family.
And I start to have another break down. And Jay is there to comfort me and soon I'm suggesting that we all head to a bar. And I grab Skip and give him a kiss but then I'm off, arm in arm with Jay. Get to the bar and its all downhill. I'm getting free drinks and shots and I can't tell which way is up.
To be fair at this point I got very flirty with everyone... Skip, Jay, Shiv, Bobby the bouncer... the walls..
And I tried to get Skip up and dancing. I'm pulling at him and purring in his ear and he is just not budging from his barstool. So I move on to all of my coworkers.. dancing and singing and playing and the oh whoops my mouth is on Jays.
And then Jay and I are kissing.
It starts with a simple kiss. A peck. We're talking about how close we're going to stay and Jay's telling me how much I mean to him and it's just a kiss. A goodbye kiss.
And another.
And another..
And another....
And thus the night goes. I get drunker and it's not long before I've halfway mounted Jay in the hallway and we're making out pretty hard core.
Oops?
We return to the main bar and I'm off again, singing karaoke and saying my goodbyes to everyone.
So many tears.
The night comes to a close, and so does the bar so we head off into the night.
More goodbyes
More tears.
Skipper is comforting Siobhan as she has an epic breakdown and I love him for that.
So Jay and the other coworkers disappear into the night and I grab my man Skip and we head home.
He helps me out of my shoes, which I've managed to break, and feeds me a sandwich and a few glasses of water. Gets me undressed and puts me to bed.
He even lets me get frisky and play with him.
Now I'm not completely oblivious... I'm aware that he was pretty quite all night but I figure he was fine with the events because he still took me home. In my head it totally makes sense that he'd understand that the business with Jay was just goodbye kisses... right?
Ugh I'm not good at this shit.
At least I went out with a bang.
Can you imagine the shit that would have gone down if Mitch had shown up? Oh lordy.
More drams later..
xxKK
Of course you do, I only introduced him 2 posts ago.
Anyways as previously stated he was being pretty awesome to me. We were hanging out all the time and not always in a sexual way. Like he's not just in it for the sex.
Clearly this is a good thing.
Right?
Wrong.
When presented with something wonderful instead of seeing the glass half full I see a challenge to destroy the glass.
I dunno if I mentioned this before but part of the reason I've been missing in action is because I was in the process of being kicked out of New York.
Well... out of America actually.
So in fine Kitty Kat fashion I decided to celebrate/mourn my departure in the best way I know how: Drunkly.
I decided to throw a party! I spent all this time planning and making it, in my head, sound awesome. I, in my nervous angsty state, tell everyone for 6 weeks how awesome this party is going to be. We're going to drink at my place and then go on a drunken scavenger hunt and get wasted and stupid and make it a night that we can't remember.
Well.
That didn't happen.
There was some drama with people not wanting to participate which sent me in a downward spiral of anxiety and led to some preemptive drinking. Which led to me running out of time and deciding to nix the scavenger hunt that I'd been talking about for so long. Which led to more anxiety and more drinking.
So when 8 rolled around and Skip showed up I was half in the bag and having a bit of a breakdown.
So sexy.
We end up hanging out for two hours just the two of us so I get drunk and crazy, I'm jumping on furniture and giving kisses and singing along to pandora like a mad woman. And he's just taking it all in with a smile.
Explain to me then why I decided that night to get belligerent and do something stupid?
After 2 hours of anxious waiting my friends and coworkers showed up. Including my work husband slash best guy friend, Jay.
Now I love Jay in a purely platonic way, despite our previous... encounter.
But I do love the kid. And I'm very sad to be leaving him. I'm a drunk and hes Italian. So clearly we like to mourn with our mouths.
And I'm not talking about talking...
We're being playful the whole time that we're at my house and more people are arriving and somewhere between drink 4 and 14 I kind of lose sight of Skipper and I'm dancing with people and Jay's holding me up and we're sharing a cigarette on the fire escape and having heart to hearts and thats when it hits me... I'm leaving!
Like... the country.
And all my friends and the people who have become my family.
And I start to have another break down. And Jay is there to comfort me and soon I'm suggesting that we all head to a bar. And I grab Skip and give him a kiss but then I'm off, arm in arm with Jay. Get to the bar and its all downhill. I'm getting free drinks and shots and I can't tell which way is up.
To be fair at this point I got very flirty with everyone... Skip, Jay, Shiv, Bobby the bouncer... the walls..
And I tried to get Skip up and dancing. I'm pulling at him and purring in his ear and he is just not budging from his barstool. So I move on to all of my coworkers.. dancing and singing and playing and the oh whoops my mouth is on Jays.
And then Jay and I are kissing.
It starts with a simple kiss. A peck. We're talking about how close we're going to stay and Jay's telling me how much I mean to him and it's just a kiss. A goodbye kiss.
And another.
And another..
And another....
And thus the night goes. I get drunker and it's not long before I've halfway mounted Jay in the hallway and we're making out pretty hard core.
Oops?
We return to the main bar and I'm off again, singing karaoke and saying my goodbyes to everyone.
So many tears.
The night comes to a close, and so does the bar so we head off into the night.
More goodbyes
More tears.
Skipper is comforting Siobhan as she has an epic breakdown and I love him for that.
So Jay and the other coworkers disappear into the night and I grab my man Skip and we head home.
He helps me out of my shoes, which I've managed to break, and feeds me a sandwich and a few glasses of water. Gets me undressed and puts me to bed.
He even lets me get frisky and play with him.
Now I'm not completely oblivious... I'm aware that he was pretty quite all night but I figure he was fine with the events because he still took me home. In my head it totally makes sense that he'd understand that the business with Jay was just goodbye kisses... right?
Ugh I'm not good at this shit.
At least I went out with a bang.
Can you imagine the shit that would have gone down if Mitch had shown up? Oh lordy.
More drams later..
xxKK
Monday, July 16, 2012
ON MY WORK HUSBAND, JAY
So I never really talk about my work. Mainly because I try not to do anything blog worthy at work.
Also because in the extensive list of things that make me anxious -
(including, but not limited to, eating foods I don't like, driving too close to others, encountering bees, potential allergic reactions, bathing suits, the sniffles potentially being a serious disease, dirty laundry, a warm bedroom, over sleeping, not completing an assigned task, moving, talking to strangers, picking out a movie to watch, making any kind of decision and buying jewelry I never wear)
- I try not to add "my coworkers found out about my blog"
Well I briefly mentioned somewhere in the twittersphere that I had stopped bartending in November but I never really talked about where I went after.
I assure you I haven't just been drinking. I do work.
I joined a small production company as a lowly intern slash assistant. And when I first started I recognized one of the other interns from a project I did with MugWug freshman year of college.
This Intern is named Jay. We spent a few days freshman year in a sound booth making a cartoon dub for one of their classes. I remember him so clearly so the first day he gets introduced to me and I'm like "hey!" and he's like "..."
Jay did not remember Kitty.
Embarrassed.
I mean, to be fair, when he first met me I was a size 6, had crazy fucking zebra striped hair and dressed like a slutty slob. Now I'm definitely not a size 6, my hair is mostly one color and I dress like a classy slut.
Anyways. After about a month I finally told him who I was and went to working on making him my friend.
I succeeded.
Jay does a lot of field work while I was pretty strictly on the office side of things so everyday that he was in I would linger by his door making small chat, offering up interesting factoids and basically weaseling my way into conversations. Wasn't long before he was my biffle.
Days that he was in the field were sad because I had one less person to chat with and bother.
One day the whole office when to a party together and from then on it was party central all the time.
I find drinking to be a great bonding experience.
So between work and play I got pretty close with Jay. I knew all about his girl problems, he heard endlessly about my boy problems, we bonded over career aspirations and tried to hang out as much as possible with such a busy schedule.
Perfect Work Husband.
But you know what you aren't supposed to do with a work husband?
Anything you would do with a real husband.
So explain to me why on my last week at the company I threw a mini party and it ended with Jay and I in bed?
Now you already know I'm basically seeing Skip already. But he was in Connecticut for the night and I had a few work friends over for drinks. After the girls left it was just Jay and I left drinking and talking and bonding. And Jay is getting closer and closer and I'm like... oh no. So then he starts asking me what I want to do and I'm like "well we could go out?" So I start to get ready to go out and hes goes "or we could just hang out for a while... then go out"
This already sounds like sex.
So we throw on some music and start awkward dancing in my living room.
Then he suggests we watch a movie.
In my bedroom.
His reasoning? He likes to lie down while watching movies.
So we put Bring It On - Again on and lie down. I'm like falling off my bed I'm trying so hard to not touch him. Because I know where this is going.
And sure enough 10 mins into the movie hes like... "I think we should make out"
And I sort of, kind of, maybe lost it just a little... I start rattling off why its a bad idea and how we shouldnt and how my house is a mess and I'm not prepared, like not lady prepared for all that jazz. And he's like "no, I promise we won't have sex but I like making out."
Sound innocent right?
WRONG.
Making out leads to feeling me up leads to him trying to put his hands down my pants. I nearly jumped out of my skin. And the whole time I'm laughing because this is Jay! We don't do this, this is most definitely not us. And it's not that Jay isn't attractive, like he is, and if he wasn't my friend and wasn't my Jay I would have signed up for this ages ago but I just never even concidered it. I mean... it's Jay! Hence the laughing.
Do you know how hard it is to kiss while you're laughing hysterically? It's not easy.
Well... Jay is very convincing and he persuaded me into things that I wasn't prepared for. Emotionally or physically if you get my drift. But I guess he was true to his word in that we didnt have sex. I think he realized what a mess I was though because he spent the whole night after cuddling on me and rubbing my back in a calming way.
...this is starting to be a pattern, isn't it?..
In the morning I expect him to be super awkward but nope.. Jay wakes up and he's cuddly and affectionate and I end up doing something I haven't done since high school... I gave him a bloody handjob. And he seemed to really enjoy himself there... lol
Good to know I'm still a stroker of genius.
Anyways I think it's totally going to be super awkward now but nope. He leaves. And life goes on and then its back to friendship normalcy. All that stress and it turned out to be A-okay.
On the upside I still have a really good friend in Jay. And we had fun and who cares, right?
On the downside.. I have no willpower.
Eh.
Well that's your intro to Jay. Next you'll get to learn about Mitch.
...Jay's boss...
xxKK
Also because in the extensive list of things that make me anxious -
(including, but not limited to, eating foods I don't like, driving too close to others, encountering bees, potential allergic reactions, bathing suits, the sniffles potentially being a serious disease, dirty laundry, a warm bedroom, over sleeping, not completing an assigned task, moving, talking to strangers, picking out a movie to watch, making any kind of decision and buying jewelry I never wear)
- I try not to add "my coworkers found out about my blog"
Well I briefly mentioned somewhere in the twittersphere that I had stopped bartending in November but I never really talked about where I went after.
I assure you I haven't just been drinking. I do work.
I joined a small production company as a lowly intern slash assistant. And when I first started I recognized one of the other interns from a project I did with MugWug freshman year of college.
This Intern is named Jay. We spent a few days freshman year in a sound booth making a cartoon dub for one of their classes. I remember him so clearly so the first day he gets introduced to me and I'm like "hey!" and he's like "..."
Jay did not remember Kitty.
Embarrassed.
I mean, to be fair, when he first met me I was a size 6, had crazy fucking zebra striped hair and dressed like a slutty slob. Now I'm definitely not a size 6, my hair is mostly one color and I dress like a classy slut.
Anyways. After about a month I finally told him who I was and went to working on making him my friend.
I succeeded.
Jay does a lot of field work while I was pretty strictly on the office side of things so everyday that he was in I would linger by his door making small chat, offering up interesting factoids and basically weaseling my way into conversations. Wasn't long before he was my biffle.
Days that he was in the field were sad because I had one less person to chat with and bother.
One day the whole office when to a party together and from then on it was party central all the time.
I find drinking to be a great bonding experience.
So between work and play I got pretty close with Jay. I knew all about his girl problems, he heard endlessly about my boy problems, we bonded over career aspirations and tried to hang out as much as possible with such a busy schedule.
Perfect Work Husband.
But you know what you aren't supposed to do with a work husband?
Anything you would do with a real husband.
So explain to me why on my last week at the company I threw a mini party and it ended with Jay and I in bed?
Now you already know I'm basically seeing Skip already. But he was in Connecticut for the night and I had a few work friends over for drinks. After the girls left it was just Jay and I left drinking and talking and bonding. And Jay is getting closer and closer and I'm like... oh no. So then he starts asking me what I want to do and I'm like "well we could go out?" So I start to get ready to go out and hes goes "or we could just hang out for a while... then go out"
This already sounds like sex.
So we throw on some music and start awkward dancing in my living room.
Then he suggests we watch a movie.
In my bedroom.
His reasoning? He likes to lie down while watching movies.
So we put Bring It On - Again on and lie down. I'm like falling off my bed I'm trying so hard to not touch him. Because I know where this is going.
And sure enough 10 mins into the movie hes like... "I think we should make out"
And I sort of, kind of, maybe lost it just a little... I start rattling off why its a bad idea and how we shouldnt and how my house is a mess and I'm not prepared, like not lady prepared for all that jazz. And he's like "no, I promise we won't have sex but I like making out."
Sound innocent right?
WRONG.
Making out leads to feeling me up leads to him trying to put his hands down my pants. I nearly jumped out of my skin. And the whole time I'm laughing because this is Jay! We don't do this, this is most definitely not us. And it's not that Jay isn't attractive, like he is, and if he wasn't my friend and wasn't my Jay I would have signed up for this ages ago but I just never even concidered it. I mean... it's Jay! Hence the laughing.
Do you know how hard it is to kiss while you're laughing hysterically? It's not easy.
Well... Jay is very convincing and he persuaded me into things that I wasn't prepared for. Emotionally or physically if you get my drift. But I guess he was true to his word in that we didnt have sex. I think he realized what a mess I was though because he spent the whole night after cuddling on me and rubbing my back in a calming way.
...this is starting to be a pattern, isn't it?..
In the morning I expect him to be super awkward but nope.. Jay wakes up and he's cuddly and affectionate and I end up doing something I haven't done since high school... I gave him a bloody handjob. And he seemed to really enjoy himself there... lol
Good to know I'm still a stroker of genius.
Anyways I think it's totally going to be super awkward now but nope. He leaves. And life goes on and then its back to friendship normalcy. All that stress and it turned out to be A-okay.
On the upside I still have a really good friend in Jay. And we had fun and who cares, right?
On the downside.. I have no willpower.
Eh.
Well that's your intro to Jay. Next you'll get to learn about Mitch.
...Jay's boss...
xxKK
Monday, April 2, 2012
WEEKEND GETAWAY / THE POST-SEX BREAKDOWN THAT WAS
I promise that I will tell you the rest of the Niko story soon but if I try to write this blog in a strictly chronological order then it may never get told. Lets face it. I have the attention span of a goldfish.
Anyways. I came home this weekend. Not for any particular reason, just because my father offered to pay for it and who am I to turn down free airfare? And I'm so used to coming home and raging my face off and seeing a million different people and sleeping with a little less than a million people and just having an awesome me-centered time.
Well, I didn't really tell anyone I was coming home and then I got back and expected to be like "surprise! love me!" but instead it was sort of lame. Like I still raged my face off. But it wasn't what I expected. I spent my first 7 hours at home lying on my bed and singing along to Josh Groban. Finally got to dinner with a friend... one drink turned into 5 and then the night really began. Hit a pre-drink where a rousing game of Never Have I Ever revealed to everyone that there is very little I've never done. 2 bottles of vodka later we roll into town and it's like... dead.
That doesn't stop us from grabbing some drinks and some shots and moving to another bar where it isn't so dead. And I'm wasted and smiley and everything is good when I see one of my guy friends who does know I'm home. I see he's with a little group of our friends so I run over and give him a huge hug and when I step back I see the 4th person in the group.
Ninja.
Who then asks me where his hug is.
So I give it to him but I feel like I've been hit with a sledgehammer. Like... he's never out. Ever. I didn't expect this. So a bit of my drunk slips away.
Can't let that happen.
More shots, more drinks, double fisting. All the way, baby.
So at this point I'm sort of toying with the line between fun drunk and emotional drunk. And Ninja, being the wonderful man he can be asks whats wrong and is being so nice and I find out that the earlier upset we had was pretty much all in my head. That he didn't realize how upset I was. That I'm basically a big baby. So that's good. And we're good. It's all good. And then his wife pops up.
Death.
5 mins later he's grinding up on her and I'm sucking back my drink and someone else's as well.
This inevitably leads to me telling crying in public and telling two people who don't even know me that well that I'm in love with Ninja. Mortifying. One can only hope they were as drunk as me and forget. So I cry. Drink. Cry more. Then start my journey home. Which is where I run into the guy I hugged before (and thus he shall be called Ken) And Ken wants to hang out. SO we are going to go back to his place but our ride is really wasted so we walked to a nearby house instead. As soon as the tenants of the house go to bed I fuck Ken on the living room floor.
By fuck I mean we tried but being as intoxicated as we were it was more of an awkward messy bump'n'grind.
Wake up fully dressed next to a naked Ken a few hours later. I'm fucking freezing, I can't believe I've slept with him and I'm about on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Ken wakes up and is sober enough to go grab his bike to drive us home. The whole way I'm blabbering like an idiot and I can't tell if its the breakdown or if I'm still drunk or if maybe I'm just a fucking crazy person.
He drops me at home and I am literally acting like a fucking nutbag. I'm all "I hope you still respect me, I hope I'm not pregnant, please don't tell anyone, are you ashamed of me??" and Ken's laughter is slowly turning from haha (you're funny) to haha (you might kill me in a minute)
Got home. Cried for an hour. Sent overly dramatic facebook messages to Lizz and Shiv. Finally get to sleep at 8am. Wake up at 10 am, FUCK NO. Wake up at 12 and finally shower off all the vodka and scrub off the smell of condoms.
Honestly.. those fucking things like permeate your skin. I swear I thought my dad was going to be able to smell the sex on me.
I calm down a little bit.
See... I wasn't really upset about having sex with Ken. Let's be honest, I've made worse decisions before. But I just never thought of him that way and I was so upset about Ninja, to then go fuck his friend. Ugh. He's never going to love me if I keep being such a giant whore.
Not that he'd love me regardless.
But still.
I don't think I was emotionally stable for sex with someone that I didn't have that sort of relationship with. On one hand I was like haha I don't need Ninja I can get anyone to have sex with me! And on the other hand it was like.... Omg... I'll have sex with anyone...
Arg oh well.
PBA helped me get over it the next night.
But lets save that tidbit of gossip for another time ;)...
xxKK
Anyways. I came home this weekend. Not for any particular reason, just because my father offered to pay for it and who am I to turn down free airfare? And I'm so used to coming home and raging my face off and seeing a million different people and sleeping with a little less than a million people and just having an awesome me-centered time.
Well, I didn't really tell anyone I was coming home and then I got back and expected to be like "surprise! love me!" but instead it was sort of lame. Like I still raged my face off. But it wasn't what I expected. I spent my first 7 hours at home lying on my bed and singing along to Josh Groban. Finally got to dinner with a friend... one drink turned into 5 and then the night really began. Hit a pre-drink where a rousing game of Never Have I Ever revealed to everyone that there is very little I've never done. 2 bottles of vodka later we roll into town and it's like... dead.
That doesn't stop us from grabbing some drinks and some shots and moving to another bar where it isn't so dead. And I'm wasted and smiley and everything is good when I see one of my guy friends who does know I'm home. I see he's with a little group of our friends so I run over and give him a huge hug and when I step back I see the 4th person in the group.
Ninja.
Who then asks me where his hug is.
So I give it to him but I feel like I've been hit with a sledgehammer. Like... he's never out. Ever. I didn't expect this. So a bit of my drunk slips away.
Can't let that happen.
More shots, more drinks, double fisting. All the way, baby.
So at this point I'm sort of toying with the line between fun drunk and emotional drunk. And Ninja, being the wonderful man he can be asks whats wrong and is being so nice and I find out that the earlier upset we had was pretty much all in my head. That he didn't realize how upset I was. That I'm basically a big baby. So that's good. And we're good. It's all good. And then his wife pops up.
Death.
5 mins later he's grinding up on her and I'm sucking back my drink and someone else's as well.
This inevitably leads to me telling crying in public and telling two people who don't even know me that well that I'm in love with Ninja. Mortifying. One can only hope they were as drunk as me and forget. So I cry. Drink. Cry more. Then start my journey home. Which is where I run into the guy I hugged before (and thus he shall be called Ken) And Ken wants to hang out. SO we are going to go back to his place but our ride is really wasted so we walked to a nearby house instead. As soon as the tenants of the house go to bed I fuck Ken on the living room floor.
By fuck I mean we tried but being as intoxicated as we were it was more of an awkward messy bump'n'grind.
Wake up fully dressed next to a naked Ken a few hours later. I'm fucking freezing, I can't believe I've slept with him and I'm about on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Ken wakes up and is sober enough to go grab his bike to drive us home. The whole way I'm blabbering like an idiot and I can't tell if its the breakdown or if I'm still drunk or if maybe I'm just a fucking crazy person.
He drops me at home and I am literally acting like a fucking nutbag. I'm all "I hope you still respect me, I hope I'm not pregnant, please don't tell anyone, are you ashamed of me??" and Ken's laughter is slowly turning from haha (you're funny) to haha (you might kill me in a minute)
Got home. Cried for an hour. Sent overly dramatic facebook messages to Lizz and Shiv. Finally get to sleep at 8am. Wake up at 10 am, FUCK NO. Wake up at 12 and finally shower off all the vodka and scrub off the smell of condoms.
Honestly.. those fucking things like permeate your skin. I swear I thought my dad was going to be able to smell the sex on me.
I calm down a little bit.
See... I wasn't really upset about having sex with Ken. Let's be honest, I've made worse decisions before. But I just never thought of him that way and I was so upset about Ninja, to then go fuck his friend. Ugh. He's never going to love me if I keep being such a giant whore.
Not that he'd love me regardless.
But still.
I don't think I was emotionally stable for sex with someone that I didn't have that sort of relationship with. On one hand I was like haha I don't need Ninja I can get anyone to have sex with me! And on the other hand it was like.... Omg... I'll have sex with anyone...
Arg oh well.
PBA helped me get over it the next night.
But lets save that tidbit of gossip for another time ;)...
xxKK
Friday, January 13, 2012
WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE GOOD?
The last time we spoke I was all ooh yay! happy shiny bright and a motherfucking sunshine out my ass.
Clearly... this is not the case today.
And it's not that I've given up on the life of positivity that I had planned out it's just that it's like the whole world is on my ass today.
Okay that's over dramatic.
But I've had a stressful few days at work due to so many phone calls and trying to make big girl decisions and being trusted to make said decisions despite the fact that I'm only 22 freaking years old and I'm kinnnnd of freaking out about this whole thing.
So as my new work friends and Liz can attest... I've been a little.. moody/bitchy/sad/stressed/angry/snacky/snarky/just plain mean... for the past 3 days.
This was not helped by the drama of family and friends.
Or the fact that it's been a year since I spent time with Marie and I miss the shit out of her.
Or the fact that I feel like I don't get enough sleep and when I do sleep I wake up sore. Or the...
...you get the point...
And then on top of it all for the second day in a row Will pops up on facebook just to say hi. ]
Like... says hi, asks what's up and then... nothing. Like... you avoiding having to see or really talk to me while I was home, you didn't answer my texts and you blow me off all the time. And then you want to just say hi? Like go away... be my friend or don't be my friend. And those are the only options now because honestly I'm not interested in playing the "I have a girlfriend but I want to flirt with you" game anymore. I've played it too much. I'm a goddamn master at it. It's not fun anymore.
Ugh maybe I'm just bitchy.. maybe I shouldn't be allowed to have nice people, who just say hi because they want to, in my life.
Maybe I need a drink. Or just some sleep.
Maybe this is just a rush of messy emotions and feelings because my period is just around the riverbend. I mean... I cried during Jersey Shore tonight.. clearly something is not right with me.
Alright... I have a super busy day tomorrow so I'm gonna get some shut eye but I hope you're all out there sending me some good juju so I can get outta the funk and back onto my annoyingly positive horse.
xxKK
Clearly... this is not the case today.
And it's not that I've given up on the life of positivity that I had planned out it's just that it's like the whole world is on my ass today.
Okay that's over dramatic.
But I've had a stressful few days at work due to so many phone calls and trying to make big girl decisions and being trusted to make said decisions despite the fact that I'm only 22 freaking years old and I'm kinnnnd of freaking out about this whole thing.
So as my new work friends and Liz can attest... I've been a little.. moody/bitchy/sad/stressed/angry/snacky/snarky/just plain mean... for the past 3 days.
This was not helped by the drama of family and friends.
Or the fact that it's been a year since I spent time with Marie and I miss the shit out of her.
Or the fact that I feel like I don't get enough sleep and when I do sleep I wake up sore. Or the...
...you get the point...
And then on top of it all for the second day in a row Will pops up on facebook just to say hi. ]
Like... says hi, asks what's up and then... nothing. Like... you avoiding having to see or really talk to me while I was home, you didn't answer my texts and you blow me off all the time. And then you want to just say hi? Like go away... be my friend or don't be my friend. And those are the only options now because honestly I'm not interested in playing the "I have a girlfriend but I want to flirt with you" game anymore. I've played it too much. I'm a goddamn master at it. It's not fun anymore.
Ugh maybe I'm just bitchy.. maybe I shouldn't be allowed to have nice people, who just say hi because they want to, in my life.
Maybe I need a drink. Or just some sleep.
Maybe this is just a rush of messy emotions and feelings because my period is just around the riverbend. I mean... I cried during Jersey Shore tonight.. clearly something is not right with me.
Alright... I have a super busy day tomorrow so I'm gonna get some shut eye but I hope you're all out there sending me some good juju so I can get outta the funk and back onto my annoyingly positive horse.
xxKK
Sunday, January 1, 2012
STARTING THE YEAR OUT RIGHT
So in 2010 I wrote 73 blog posts.
In 2011 I wrote 37.
Instead of reversing the numbers this year I think I should aim to just add them together. Lets aim for 110 blog posts! After all... without a regular update (like the past few months) y'all might just forget about me. We obviously can't let that happen.
So far it looks like this year will be just as equally disappointing and dramatic as before.
Last year I ended my new year eve shoeless, boyless and classless. Just envision a hot mess in lace with mascara dripping off her face.
Dat wuz me.
This year I manages not to lose my shoes or dignity (completely) and I didn't cry.
Still boyless though.
Although.
Sort of. In the most depressing way.
You see. Last night I was approached by THREE separate men.
They went on about how sexy I am, how much fun I am, how they wish they could be with me, how it sucks that I'm only home a few weeks a year, etc etc.
Sounds nice, right?
WRONG.
All of these guys have girlfriends.
All of them.
So all of their "you're so sexy" came with a "but.... I'm dating someone"
Like, really??
What was the point of this?
Like why bother telling me all of these things if you can't deliver.
Like this lady doesn't run on would-of, could-of, should-of's.
The first one was sort of sweet in a misguided drunkery way.
Then came numero dos... who decided that after he showered me with compliments and what-ifs that he would then bemoan having a girlfriend... because he loves her, he truly does, but he just wishes that you and him could have your shot.
Oh! But wait! He has a great idea! "We" should convince his girlfriend to let us ALL hook up and have fun together!
Yah. That's not happening buddy.
But my all time favorite was the third one. Who pretty much rehashed everything from the second guy and THEN went on to try to pump me up. "Oh you're going to find a guy who sees you like I do. Someone who deserves you/appreciates you/etc etc." Like... a 20 minute fucking love pep talk.
Ugh things I don't want to hear when I'm drunk and lonely.
Like, I realize that one day I'll find someone but that doesn't help me right now... that doesn't help with my problem of getting involved in douchebags who are definitely short term.
Urg. Anyways I'd flush this out with more snark but frankly I'm tired and I'm rushing to get this posted before it is no longer the first day of 2012.
Now I'm off to clear out the glitter covered golden seahorse that I found in my purse last night.
xxKK
In 2011 I wrote 37.
Instead of reversing the numbers this year I think I should aim to just add them together. Lets aim for 110 blog posts! After all... without a regular update (like the past few months) y'all might just forget about me. We obviously can't let that happen.
So far it looks like this year will be just as equally disappointing and dramatic as before.
Last year I ended my new year eve shoeless, boyless and classless. Just envision a hot mess in lace with mascara dripping off her face.
Dat wuz me.
This year I manages not to lose my shoes or dignity (completely) and I didn't cry.
Still boyless though.
Although.
Sort of. In the most depressing way.
You see. Last night I was approached by THREE separate men.
They went on about how sexy I am, how much fun I am, how they wish they could be with me, how it sucks that I'm only home a few weeks a year, etc etc.
Sounds nice, right?
WRONG.
All of these guys have girlfriends.
All of them.
So all of their "you're so sexy" came with a "but.... I'm dating someone"
Like, really??
What was the point of this?
Like why bother telling me all of these things if you can't deliver.
Like this lady doesn't run on would-of, could-of, should-of's.
The first one was sort of sweet in a misguided drunkery way.
Then came numero dos... who decided that after he showered me with compliments and what-ifs that he would then bemoan having a girlfriend... because he loves her, he truly does, but he just wishes that you and him could have your shot.
Oh! But wait! He has a great idea! "We" should convince his girlfriend to let us ALL hook up and have fun together!
Yah. That's not happening buddy.
But my all time favorite was the third one. Who pretty much rehashed everything from the second guy and THEN went on to try to pump me up. "Oh you're going to find a guy who sees you like I do. Someone who deserves you/appreciates you/etc etc." Like... a 20 minute fucking love pep talk.
Ugh things I don't want to hear when I'm drunk and lonely.
Like, I realize that one day I'll find someone but that doesn't help me right now... that doesn't help with my problem of getting involved in douchebags who are definitely short term.
Urg. Anyways I'd flush this out with more snark but frankly I'm tired and I'm rushing to get this posted before it is no longer the first day of 2012.
Now I'm off to clear out the glitter covered golden seahorse that I found in my purse last night.
xxKK
Thursday, December 29, 2011
OOPS. NO WILLPOWER
OH MAN.
SO much to catch you up on.
But lets just talk about last night. And then we'll go back in time in another post.
Anyways. It's been a few months since you heard from me and I'm back home celebrating the holidays and I've realized something.
Boys are just so much easier back home!
Maybe it's me being a brief visitor, only being home 2 of every 52 weeks, or the fact that I probably have quite the easy reputation here but honestly, it's just so much fun.
Anyways. The day I got home this kid I've known for a while starts texting and it goes from "hey how was your flight?" to "ya lookin sexy, come over to my house???" real fast.
And at first i was like SCREEEECH... pump the brakes.
But after a few days of wooing and lots of texting I gave in because... let face it... I have no willpower.
At all.
Ever.
So I went over last night. And at first I was so confused. Because when he said to come over and "watch tv" with him.. I didn't think that he actually meant that. But sure enough we watched two episodes of californication before he even started flirting. But once that second episode was over BOOM.
Sexy time.
It took him two hours to make a move but only 4 minutes to get from couch to bed to naked.
And normally I would be craving a little more effort... a little more set up time... but there was no need. I went over knowing what I wanted to happen and what was probably going to happen so really it worked out for everyone.
Plus skipping to the good part means we missed out all the less than fun stuff in between. Like blowjobs. Sorry guys but if a girl tells you she likes giving head then shes lying.
Or crazy. In which case you should hold on to that gem for as long as you fuckin can.
And to be perfectly frank I got way more than I bargained for. I expected some fumbling, groping and a quickie on the couch but I got quite gloriously laid.
I even stayed the night.
Which is usually a big no-no for me. Unless I like you or I'm stranded I don't want to sleep with you after I... sleep with you...
But it was pretty early, I had my moped and he literally lives 5 minutes from me. But when he asked me to stay I just wanted to. I did tell him that if he expected to stay that he'd have to have another showing in the morning.
He may have taken that a little too seriously... ha I was still half asleep when he rolled me over.
But not too fast buddy! I wasn't quite asleep enough to forget to grab a condom from his night stand (oooh how I love a prepared man)
Anyways last night was fun.
This morning was fun too heehee.
But there is a little kink in my rendevous with... Joey.
You see... Joey knows Marie. My sister. Who also reads this blog (hi Marie!)
The combination of that friendship, his other friendships and how small this town is means that I'm pretty sure Marie (who is living in England right now) will probably know by tomorrow that I'm sleeping with Joey. Which means pretty much everyone else will know too.
Which is fine, whatever. Don't let the sleeping over thing fool you, this is just a winter hookup. I'd love it to be a repeat hook up because I had fun but I'm not looking for a long distance boyfriend anytime soon. And I do plan on leaving this tiny town after new years and going back to my big city life.
It's just... less than ideal for any other winter hookup I might wish to start... or continue haha.
Anyways. I'm off to be at least a little productive.
xxKK
SO much to catch you up on.
But lets just talk about last night. And then we'll go back in time in another post.
Anyways. It's been a few months since you heard from me and I'm back home celebrating the holidays and I've realized something.
Boys are just so much easier back home!
Maybe it's me being a brief visitor, only being home 2 of every 52 weeks, or the fact that I probably have quite the easy reputation here but honestly, it's just so much fun.
Anyways. The day I got home this kid I've known for a while starts texting and it goes from "hey how was your flight?" to "ya lookin sexy, come over to my house???" real fast.
And at first i was like SCREEEECH... pump the brakes.
But after a few days of wooing and lots of texting I gave in because... let face it... I have no willpower.
At all.
Ever.
So I went over last night. And at first I was so confused. Because when he said to come over and "watch tv" with him.. I didn't think that he actually meant that. But sure enough we watched two episodes of californication before he even started flirting. But once that second episode was over BOOM.
Sexy time.
It took him two hours to make a move but only 4 minutes to get from couch to bed to naked.
And normally I would be craving a little more effort... a little more set up time... but there was no need. I went over knowing what I wanted to happen and what was probably going to happen so really it worked out for everyone.
Plus skipping to the good part means we missed out all the less than fun stuff in between. Like blowjobs. Sorry guys but if a girl tells you she likes giving head then shes lying.
Or crazy. In which case you should hold on to that gem for as long as you fuckin can.
And to be perfectly frank I got way more than I bargained for. I expected some fumbling, groping and a quickie on the couch but I got quite gloriously laid.
I even stayed the night.
Which is usually a big no-no for me. Unless I like you or I'm stranded I don't want to sleep with you after I... sleep with you...
But it was pretty early, I had my moped and he literally lives 5 minutes from me. But when he asked me to stay I just wanted to. I did tell him that if he expected to stay that he'd have to have another showing in the morning.
He may have taken that a little too seriously... ha I was still half asleep when he rolled me over.
But not too fast buddy! I wasn't quite asleep enough to forget to grab a condom from his night stand (oooh how I love a prepared man)
Anyways last night was fun.
This morning was fun too heehee.
But there is a little kink in my rendevous with... Joey.
You see... Joey knows Marie. My sister. Who also reads this blog (hi Marie!)
The combination of that friendship, his other friendships and how small this town is means that I'm pretty sure Marie (who is living in England right now) will probably know by tomorrow that I'm sleeping with Joey. Which means pretty much everyone else will know too.
Which is fine, whatever. Don't let the sleeping over thing fool you, this is just a winter hookup. I'd love it to be a repeat hook up because I had fun but I'm not looking for a long distance boyfriend anytime soon. And I do plan on leaving this tiny town after new years and going back to my big city life.
It's just... less than ideal for any other winter hookup I might wish to start... or continue haha.
Anyways. I'm off to be at least a little productive.
xxKK
Saturday, October 15, 2011
SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP IT ALL AWAY...
He never showed up.
I knew he wouldn't so I shouldn't be surprised.
But despite knowing that he wasn't going to I still stayed up till 3 am last night doing laundry and dishes and cleaning my house and waxing/shaving/beautifying every inch of my frigging body. I still picked out what I was going to wear and bought condoms.
I guess somewhere in the back of my head I thought that maybe there was still a chance that he'd follow through this time. I guess it's because when I asked him, not 48 hours ago, if he was coming he told me yes. Will told me not to take any extra shifts at work or make plans.
So I sat on my bed all day long waiting.
How pathetic is that?
I haven't eaten, haven't left the house. Haven't done anything. My head hurts and my stomach is grumbling so I think it's best if I just go back to sleep now. The idea of picking out something to eat or seeing people is just so exhausting so I'll just sleep until Monday comes and I'm back at work, too busy to feel so stupid.
Because it's not just that I feel unwanted, unbeautiful and truly stupendeously idiotic. It's that one of my best friends made me feel that way and frankly if that's how my best guy friend makes me feel then really what's the hope of me ever finding anyone ever again....
Pretty slim.
xxKK
I knew he wouldn't so I shouldn't be surprised.
But despite knowing that he wasn't going to I still stayed up till 3 am last night doing laundry and dishes and cleaning my house and waxing/shaving/beautifying every inch of my frigging body. I still picked out what I was going to wear and bought condoms.
I guess somewhere in the back of my head I thought that maybe there was still a chance that he'd follow through this time. I guess it's because when I asked him, not 48 hours ago, if he was coming he told me yes. Will told me not to take any extra shifts at work or make plans.
So I sat on my bed all day long waiting.
How pathetic is that?
I haven't eaten, haven't left the house. Haven't done anything. My head hurts and my stomach is grumbling so I think it's best if I just go back to sleep now. The idea of picking out something to eat or seeing people is just so exhausting so I'll just sleep until Monday comes and I'm back at work, too busy to feel so stupid.
Because it's not just that I feel unwanted, unbeautiful and truly stupendeously idiotic. It's that one of my best friends made me feel that way and frankly if that's how my best guy friend makes me feel then really what's the hope of me ever finding anyone ever again....
Pretty slim.
xxKK
Friday, October 14, 2011
ON FEELING LONELY...
Recap: Ninja got married, Charlie is off being happy with his wilderness barbie girlfriend and now Will is blowing me off.
Like... I know that I can be over bearing and paranoid sometimes.
But this is not one of those times...
The sudden drop off in conversation, the lack of interest and the definite lack of plans all point to him blowing me off.
And that's really not cool because I asked him if he didn't want to come. I asked point blank if he didn't think he was going to make it and if there was a reason he wasn't talking to me.
AND HE SAID NO. He said No he wasn't "not talking to me" and Yes he was still coming.
WELL THAT'S SUPPOSEDLY TOMORROW. and I have no idea when his flight gets in, what train he's taking to the city, if he's taking a train, where he wants to meet, when he needs to leave.. NOTHING.
It's tomorrow.
And I've tried. I've tried to BBM him all day long and he hasn't even bothered to read them.
So I should take a hint and not bother cleaning up my living room or going over to NP's in the morning to get her to strap me into the super sexy corset I bought. I shouldn't bother washing my hair tonight and I shouldn't have bothered to pick up condoms.
I just shouldn't ever bother.
He's blowing me off and that's fine I guess... I with he had taken the out I offered him instead of just disappearing but whatever.
I just thought that for 8 hours of my only day off in a week that I could maybe feel like someone wanted me. That there was a possibility that anyone would ever want or love me again. But maybe I left that all behind. Maybe it's better to get used to being alone. Maybe I'm not supposed to get married and have a big family and a bushel of pets. Run PTA meetings and drive my kids to soccer practice. Maybe I'm just meant to be... a bartender... who lives alone in the city and drinks to much.
My future is totally awesome.
xxKK
Saturday, August 6, 2011
CONVERSATIONS WITH THE ENEMY
So a while back PBA missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime...
By which I mean having sex with me.
But c'est la vie. Life goes on. Sexless and boring but it goes on.
Anyways when he blew off in NYC to run around and be boring with other people I decided it was the last straw. After I realized that for the one millionth time he would NOT be following through on his promises of great sex and days spent in beds with handcuffs and soft sheets and lovely lovely dirty things, after that I decided that it was time to cut off PBA. No more Mr. I-really-would-love-to-see-you-and-do-dirty-things-to-you-but-WHOOPS-too-lazy-or-stupid-or-"busy"- to-actually-see-you-and-do-dirty-things
Sorry. That was an over use of the dash.
But seriously. For YEARS now he and I have been talking and talking and talking and I am tired of talking so I cut him off. No more sexy skype sessions, no more empty promises. No More.
So why did I just spend an hour talking to him on facebook? After months of being wary and careful and staying off of the skype when drunk and horny he pops up on facebook chat.
"hey sexy"
Oh no. Oh no... in two words I went from getting on with my own life to being sucked right back in.
Sucked back into sexy talk and promises of what we're gonna get up to when he stops over in NY on his way to LA. How we're gonna tear it up next summer all sexy and wonderful.
Now before you go and get all "you're an idiot Kitty!" just know that I let him make all the plans. I didn't agree to any of them and I didnt add to any of them. I just didn't say no either... And you don't have to tell me I'm an idiot. I already know.
So now we've had one conversation which could either lead to more... and that might be bad. Or it could lead to no more... which could also be bad because I might get all girly and emotional about him not talking to me.
I hate when that happens.
Anyways. I have been holding on to so many stories to tell you guys because I'm lazy and stupid. But I thought I'd get on and rant a bit about PBA. More stories later. If I can stop being lazy and stupid.
xxKK
By which I mean having sex with me.
But c'est la vie. Life goes on. Sexless and boring but it goes on.
Anyways when he blew off in NYC to run around and be boring with other people I decided it was the last straw. After I realized that for the one millionth time he would NOT be following through on his promises of great sex and days spent in beds with handcuffs and soft sheets and lovely lovely dirty things, after that I decided that it was time to cut off PBA. No more Mr. I-really-would-love-to-see-you-and-do-dirty-things-to-you-but-WHOOPS-too-lazy-or-stupid-or-"busy"- to-actually-see-you-and-do-dirty-things
Sorry. That was an over use of the dash.
But seriously. For YEARS now he and I have been talking and talking and talking and I am tired of talking so I cut him off. No more sexy skype sessions, no more empty promises. No More.
So why did I just spend an hour talking to him on facebook? After months of being wary and careful and staying off of the skype when drunk and horny he pops up on facebook chat.
"hey sexy"
Oh no. Oh no... in two words I went from getting on with my own life to being sucked right back in.
Sucked back into sexy talk and promises of what we're gonna get up to when he stops over in NY on his way to LA. How we're gonna tear it up next summer all sexy and wonderful.
Now before you go and get all "you're an idiot Kitty!" just know that I let him make all the plans. I didn't agree to any of them and I didnt add to any of them. I just didn't say no either... And you don't have to tell me I'm an idiot. I already know.
So now we've had one conversation which could either lead to more... and that might be bad. Or it could lead to no more... which could also be bad because I might get all girly and emotional about him not talking to me.
I hate when that happens.
Anyways. I have been holding on to so many stories to tell you guys because I'm lazy and stupid. But I thought I'd get on and rant a bit about PBA. More stories later. If I can stop being lazy and stupid.
xxKK
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
SEEKING: CASUAL STRESS RELIEF SEX
So I slipped in that PBA was coming to town a few posts back.
Well he gets here today.
So PBA is the man who has a reputation for suggesting sex and then failing to follow through. And I had totally sworn him off for good but as always he's found a way to waltz back into my life...
...it usually occurs when I'm drunk and horny and have access to Skype... might be time to set a new drunk-proof password.
Anyways so we've been sometimes talking lately and the other day we were just talking about mundane things and he slips in that he's coming to NYC on business next week (which is now this week) and that we should meet up and have some casual stress relief sex.
Just that like that.
Slips it in between his flight plans and what he had for lunch.
Just a little casual stress relief sex. No big deal.
So I'm like... okay. Sure. And I start to think about how it wouldn't be so bad to have a little quality human interaction this week. Even if he has been a D-bag in the past.
So after we agree that at some point we're going to meet up and have sex suddenly he starts pulling those promises back in again... The excuses start pouring out of his mouth.
"But I do have to go to Boston one of those days so it's not like I can be there every day..."
"I have to see my business partner too you know, I'm not just free all the time"
"This is a business trip not a social one"
"I'd like to actually see New York as well you know"
I'm like... slow the fuck down. I'm not some rapist who carries around sheets pre-moistened with chloroform to knock out her victims and take advantage of them. I'm not going to chain you down and refuse to let you leave. In fact I'm not even going to call you. Because past experience has shown me that you're the kind of man who wants what he can't have and as soon as I'm all "omg I want you!" you're gonna be like "meh no thanks"
Don't bring up sex and then immediately back pedal. I don't need your excuses, I don't need your dick (though it would be nice) and I don't need you to look out for my feelings. I get that you don't want to sleep over and make me breakfast and be my boyfriend.
Newsflash: I never wanted that from you either.
So while I still do hope that I'm getting laid this week I will be completely unfazed and unshocked if PBA decides to crawl into a hole and not bother calling me. He may think that it makes him sexy to be so unavailable but it's really just annoying. And he may think he has the power in this relationship but hey... if he's a disappointment then I'll just throw on my Fuck-Me dress and go to a bar and find a real man to make me happy.
Sorry PBA, I'd love to play but you are not the be-all or end-all. There are plenty of people on sexcations looking for some sexcapades with a girl like me. So enjoy your business... Maybe I'll hear from you, maybe I won't. Either way I'm still going to have an awesome week.
xxKK
Well he gets here today.
So PBA is the man who has a reputation for suggesting sex and then failing to follow through. And I had totally sworn him off for good but as always he's found a way to waltz back into my life...
...it usually occurs when I'm drunk and horny and have access to Skype... might be time to set a new drunk-proof password.
Anyways so we've been sometimes talking lately and the other day we were just talking about mundane things and he slips in that he's coming to NYC on business next week (which is now this week) and that we should meet up and have some casual stress relief sex.
Just that like that.
Slips it in between his flight plans and what he had for lunch.
Just a little casual stress relief sex. No big deal.
So I'm like... okay. Sure. And I start to think about how it wouldn't be so bad to have a little quality human interaction this week. Even if he has been a D-bag in the past.
So after we agree that at some point we're going to meet up and have sex suddenly he starts pulling those promises back in again... The excuses start pouring out of his mouth.
"But I do have to go to Boston one of those days so it's not like I can be there every day..."
"I have to see my business partner too you know, I'm not just free all the time"
"This is a business trip not a social one"
"I'd like to actually see New York as well you know"
I'm like... slow the fuck down. I'm not some rapist who carries around sheets pre-moistened with chloroform to knock out her victims and take advantage of them. I'm not going to chain you down and refuse to let you leave. In fact I'm not even going to call you. Because past experience has shown me that you're the kind of man who wants what he can't have and as soon as I'm all "omg I want you!" you're gonna be like "meh no thanks"
Don't bring up sex and then immediately back pedal. I don't need your excuses, I don't need your dick (though it would be nice) and I don't need you to look out for my feelings. I get that you don't want to sleep over and make me breakfast and be my boyfriend.
Newsflash: I never wanted that from you either.
So while I still do hope that I'm getting laid this week I will be completely unfazed and unshocked if PBA decides to crawl into a hole and not bother calling me. He may think that it makes him sexy to be so unavailable but it's really just annoying. And he may think he has the power in this relationship but hey... if he's a disappointment then I'll just throw on my Fuck-Me dress and go to a bar and find a real man to make me happy.
Sorry PBA, I'd love to play but you are not the be-all or end-all. There are plenty of people on sexcations looking for some sexcapades with a girl like me. So enjoy your business... Maybe I'll hear from you, maybe I won't. Either way I'm still going to have an awesome week.
xxKK
Thursday, April 28, 2011
NUNCHUK TO THE HEART
So ever since he roundhouse kicked his way back into my heart Ninja has been a ball of confusion. We talked for two days straight for hours on end. We talked about what we've been up to, how scary/exciting graduation will be, what we're planning on doing after said graduation, his upcoming wedding to Tori, their potential offspring, whether we should have to give up our dreams for the people who are important to us. And then I grew some lady balls (but only because Siobhan made me) and I asked him why he had contacted me.
The answer was thoroughly underwhelming... He just noticed I was missing from his facebook and wanted to know why.
That's it.
No ground breaking love story. No desire to see what I was up to and if he still had a chance. Just a random encounter and god given curiosity.
MugWug was right... Ninja doesn't still love me he's just a decent human being who was being nice.
But that doesn't stop me from dreaming. You see he never actually said that he loves his bride to be. He said that choosing between her and his dreams was extremely difficult because since she had been in his life so long she had become important to him. They've been together for almost 8 years and he can't say that he chose her because he loves her? I mean... he was willing to leave her for me after 4 years with her and 4 days with me. He told me he loved me before we'd ever even kissed.
This is a bad bad road I'm going down.
Mina and Coley, who have never been mentioned because we don't get into very much trouble together but who do know me well and spend far too much time with me, are happily plotting my breaking up of his engagement. They're convinced I should be actively pursuing him despite the ring he put on Tori. And boy am I tempted. But I'm not.
Partly because I want him to choose me without prompting. I don't want to break them up I just want to be there when they do break up....
I want him to be happy. Don't get me wrong. I love him, still.. four years later I know I love him, but I love him so much that I want him to be happy even if it's not with me. So, yes, I want him to leave her for me. But more importantly I want him to leave her because he doesn't seem to be happy... And if I'm wrong... if he really really is happy with her then I wish him all the best and I'll quietly dream of an alternative world where he says "I don't" and comes back to me.
Ugh let me stop thinking about this and go do some real work. The kind of work that is giving me a 24-7 headache and stealing all my sleeping time away from me.
xxKK
The answer was thoroughly underwhelming... He just noticed I was missing from his facebook and wanted to know why.
That's it.
No ground breaking love story. No desire to see what I was up to and if he still had a chance. Just a random encounter and god given curiosity.
MugWug was right... Ninja doesn't still love me he's just a decent human being who was being nice.
But that doesn't stop me from dreaming. You see he never actually said that he loves his bride to be. He said that choosing between her and his dreams was extremely difficult because since she had been in his life so long she had become important to him. They've been together for almost 8 years and he can't say that he chose her because he loves her? I mean... he was willing to leave her for me after 4 years with her and 4 days with me. He told me he loved me before we'd ever even kissed.
This is a bad bad road I'm going down.
Mina and Coley, who have never been mentioned because we don't get into very much trouble together but who do know me well and spend far too much time with me, are happily plotting my breaking up of his engagement. They're convinced I should be actively pursuing him despite the ring he put on Tori. And boy am I tempted. But I'm not.
Partly because I want him to choose me without prompting. I don't want to break them up I just want to be there when they do break up....
I want him to be happy. Don't get me wrong. I love him, still.. four years later I know I love him, but I love him so much that I want him to be happy even if it's not with me. So, yes, I want him to leave her for me. But more importantly I want him to leave her because he doesn't seem to be happy... And if I'm wrong... if he really really is happy with her then I wish him all the best and I'll quietly dream of an alternative world where he says "I don't" and comes back to me.
Ugh let me stop thinking about this and go do some real work. The kind of work that is giving me a 24-7 headache and stealing all my sleeping time away from me.
xxKK
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
A BIT ABOUT "PBA"
So... I sort of brought up the general topic of PBAs (Penis By Appointment) the sort of in-between of One Night Stands and Fuck Buddies.
And I sort of mentioned that PBA, as far as the rest of this blog goes, unless otherwise stated, is actually a new person of interest. I mentioned that right? Somewhere in tiny font in a post script?
So really by bringing the idea of PBA to your attention I was actually trying to introduce a new character....
Can I call him a character? I mean all the people I write about are real people.. including PBA. But their lives are only interesting to write about when they pertain to the focus of this blog: Me.
(I did admit in the very first post of KKC that blogging is extremely narcissistic.)
So in someways he is just a character. Because just like selective honesty is the same as lying, selective storytelling is sort of like fictionalizing.
But it's not fiction. It's my life.
Anyways. So PBA and I decided to become... well... Penis By Appointment friends. We rarely hang out and when we do it always turns to talk of sex and I'm not getting any and He's not getting any so why not use each other in times of need?
Right?
Wrong.
So we decide this and we talk about it ALL THE TIME when I'm in NYC and he's in the fucking UK. And we finally get home for winter break after talking about it for weeks and then... nothing.
We occasionally talk on skype but he's usually heading out and I'm usually feeding the dog or sleeping when he calls (because he calls at 3 in the goddamn morning!) So we keep missing each other. Then it comes time for him to leave but lo and behold his flight gets cancelled and pushed back a week.
It's like God wants me to get laid.
But then he like disappears into his house like a fucking rat and I don't hear from him until last night.
And last night he only spoke to me to remind me that he only had one day left before he left (which makes it tomorrow now) and he was surprised he hadn't seen me at his house yet...
Excuse me?
Dear PBA,
You live an hour away from me, which is as far as you can possibly get from one another on this tiny island) and it's been windy as hell, I only have a motorcycle license and frankly I'm not going to drive for an hour in gale force winds on a lark, hoping to run into you at your house that I'm not actually sure if you're at or not because YOU NEVER TELL ME WHEN YOU ARE HOME.
Also, if you can't pick up the phone and call me to say "hi", let alone "lets fuck", then I honestly don't have the energy to put into the commute let alone the sex.
Love, Kitty.
So he calls, wants to see me BUT (shocker) he's busy alllllllll day hanging out with his grandpa. Maybe at night we can finally meet up and sex in the back of the bar he owns.
Romantic, I know.
So I agree, hell why not? I've got nothing better to do with my Tuesday nights. So I spend the day chilling and being awesome like usual and then around 8pm I change into my Kitty PJs (yes I own pajamas with cats on them...two pairs in fact. These ones are pink) because I figure that the only way that he could possibly even think of calling me is if it is the most inconvenient time. Like if I was in my PJs halfway to passed out watching a really good movie on cable.
But apparently even playing against the odds won't help this Kat get some.
It's now 9:36. If I don't hear from him by 10 it's a no go. First, who hangs out with their Grandpa til 10pm the day/night before they fly away from all their friends for 6 months. Second, if you don't call me by 10 then I won't get there till 11 (and that's driving in the dark with wind and rain) and then, if you're worth your stuff, we won't be done til 12 and I won't get home til 1 am. I try to be off my motorcycle by midnight. Any later and I take a cab... its safety first. And lastly, if I am the last thing to do (literally) on your pre-flight checklist then you honestly don't deserve to have me. I should have been the first thing.
Because while I know we aren't going to fall in love and runaway together or any of that crap I do know that I am awesome in bed. Even in the back room of your bar.
So I'm ending this transaction of penis for lady parts.
But you've earned the nickname PBA, you little manslut, so that stays.
Yours,
Kitty.
xxKK
And I sort of mentioned that PBA, as far as the rest of this blog goes, unless otherwise stated, is actually a new person of interest. I mentioned that right? Somewhere in tiny font in a post script?
So really by bringing the idea of PBA to your attention I was actually trying to introduce a new character....
Can I call him a character? I mean all the people I write about are real people.. including PBA. But their lives are only interesting to write about when they pertain to the focus of this blog: Me.
(I did admit in the very first post of KKC that blogging is extremely narcissistic.)
So in someways he is just a character. Because just like selective honesty is the same as lying, selective storytelling is sort of like fictionalizing.
But it's not fiction. It's my life.
Anyways. So PBA and I decided to become... well... Penis By Appointment friends. We rarely hang out and when we do it always turns to talk of sex and I'm not getting any and He's not getting any so why not use each other in times of need?
Right?
Wrong.
So we decide this and we talk about it ALL THE TIME when I'm in NYC and he's in the fucking UK. And we finally get home for winter break after talking about it for weeks and then... nothing.
We occasionally talk on skype but he's usually heading out and I'm usually feeding the dog or sleeping when he calls (because he calls at 3 in the goddamn morning!) So we keep missing each other. Then it comes time for him to leave but lo and behold his flight gets cancelled and pushed back a week.
It's like God wants me to get laid.
But then he like disappears into his house like a fucking rat and I don't hear from him until last night.
And last night he only spoke to me to remind me that he only had one day left before he left (which makes it tomorrow now) and he was surprised he hadn't seen me at his house yet...
Excuse me?
Dear PBA,
You live an hour away from me, which is as far as you can possibly get from one another on this tiny island) and it's been windy as hell, I only have a motorcycle license and frankly I'm not going to drive for an hour in gale force winds on a lark, hoping to run into you at your house that I'm not actually sure if you're at or not because YOU NEVER TELL ME WHEN YOU ARE HOME.
Also, if you can't pick up the phone and call me to say "hi", let alone "lets fuck", then I honestly don't have the energy to put into the commute let alone the sex.
Love, Kitty.
So he calls, wants to see me BUT (shocker) he's busy alllllllll day hanging out with his grandpa. Maybe at night we can finally meet up and sex in the back of the bar he owns.
Romantic, I know.
So I agree, hell why not? I've got nothing better to do with my Tuesday nights. So I spend the day chilling and being awesome like usual and then around 8pm I change into my Kitty PJs (yes I own pajamas with cats on them...two pairs in fact. These ones are pink) because I figure that the only way that he could possibly even think of calling me is if it is the most inconvenient time. Like if I was in my PJs halfway to passed out watching a really good movie on cable.
But apparently even playing against the odds won't help this Kat get some.
It's now 9:36. If I don't hear from him by 10 it's a no go. First, who hangs out with their Grandpa til 10pm the day/night before they fly away from all their friends for 6 months. Second, if you don't call me by 10 then I won't get there till 11 (and that's driving in the dark with wind and rain) and then, if you're worth your stuff, we won't be done til 12 and I won't get home til 1 am. I try to be off my motorcycle by midnight. Any later and I take a cab... its safety first. And lastly, if I am the last thing to do (literally) on your pre-flight checklist then you honestly don't deserve to have me. I should have been the first thing.
Because while I know we aren't going to fall in love and runaway together or any of that crap I do know that I am awesome in bed. Even in the back room of your bar.
So I'm ending this transaction of penis for lady parts.
But you've earned the nickname PBA, you little manslut, so that stays.
Yours,
Kitty.
xxKK
Monday, November 1, 2010
WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?
So sometimes I make bad judgement calls...
...like that one time I slept with a 30yr old dressed up like Justin Beiber on halloween...
and sometimes I make bad life decisions...
...like skipping the only class I really care about and love in order to hang out with a boy who is, by definition, a douchetard.
I mean... serious douchetardiness. In case you're curious we are indeed talking about the one formerly known as Main Squeeze. He's here in the city I call home with several of his closest douchtardy friends (including Joe Blow and a few I may have had uhhh interactions with....) and despite the fact that he has a girlfriend (not that that's stopped us in the past) and the fact that our last interaction involved him duping me into coming over and then suggesting we call a cab before we started anything so that I wouldn't be stuck on his doorstep when he was finished.
Claaaaaaassy.
Despite that I am still not in my favorite class and not at home cleaning or at the gym or doing ANYTHING productive.
I am downtown like a little bitch waiting for this bitch to call me.
I didn't want to wait for him to call to head down because then I might be late and clearly I wouldn't want to miss out on anytime with such a stand up bloke. So I came downtown. Far Downtown.
No call.
Just waiting.
Sitting in a starbucks nursing a chai tea and hoping that I'm not a pathetic loser whose getting stood up but instead just a pathetic needy loser with thing for bad boys.
Oooh. And he is bad in all the right ways.
No! Stop it Kitty! No bad boys for you!
Must resist the lure of his sexy tattoos and sexy grin and sexy laugh and sexy sexiness.
Not to mention the blow your mind sexy sex.
Must resist!
Although... the more pathetic I am and the more trouble I get in the more material I'll have for this blog... so really I'm thinking of you, my readers, when I consider going down the street, into his hotel, knocking on the door (kicking his roommate out) and taking full advantage of the two hours he has left in my city.
Clearly just thinking of the good of you guys.
Clearly.
Okay... its 1pm. They probably won't call. And I probably already knew that, deep down inside, when I made the journey here.
Sad Kitty.
xxKK
...like that one time I slept with a 30yr old dressed up like Justin Beiber on halloween...
and sometimes I make bad life decisions...
...like skipping the only class I really care about and love in order to hang out with a boy who is, by definition, a douchetard.
I mean... serious douchetardiness. In case you're curious we are indeed talking about the one formerly known as Main Squeeze. He's here in the city I call home with several of his closest douchtardy friends (including Joe Blow and a few I may have had uhhh interactions with....) and despite the fact that he has a girlfriend (not that that's stopped us in the past) and the fact that our last interaction involved him duping me into coming over and then suggesting we call a cab before we started anything so that I wouldn't be stuck on his doorstep when he was finished.
Claaaaaaassy.
Despite that I am still not in my favorite class and not at home cleaning or at the gym or doing ANYTHING productive.
I am downtown like a little bitch waiting for this bitch to call me.
I didn't want to wait for him to call to head down because then I might be late and clearly I wouldn't want to miss out on anytime with such a stand up bloke. So I came downtown. Far Downtown.
No call.
Just waiting.
Sitting in a starbucks nursing a chai tea and hoping that I'm not a pathetic loser whose getting stood up but instead just a pathetic needy loser with thing for bad boys.
Oooh. And he is bad in all the right ways.
No! Stop it Kitty! No bad boys for you!
Must resist the lure of his sexy tattoos and sexy grin and sexy laugh and sexy sexiness.
Not to mention the blow your mind sexy sex.
Must resist!
Although... the more pathetic I am and the more trouble I get in the more material I'll have for this blog... so really I'm thinking of you, my readers, when I consider going down the street, into his hotel, knocking on the door (kicking his roommate out) and taking full advantage of the two hours he has left in my city.
Clearly just thinking of the good of you guys.
Clearly.
Okay... its 1pm. They probably won't call. And I probably already knew that, deep down inside, when I made the journey here.
Sad Kitty.
xxKK
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