BLOW OUT THE CANDLES

Today is my birthday.

Or at least it became my birthday 66 minutes ago.

It's 1:06 in the morning so I'll be going to sleep soon but when I wake up I will be going to work. I will be going to work where I purposefully did not tell them it was my birthday and did not ask for the day off. I will do the same mundane tasks I always do from 10am til 2pm when I'll get my first rush in. Then from 3-4:30 I'll go back to the mundane tasks. Maybe mix myself up an illegal cocktail before I get my 4:30 - 6pm happy hour rush and run my ass off.

This is my job.

And I love it.

I'm a bartender (I do god's work) and I love my regulars and I love my mundane tasks and I take pride in every single dollar I get to take home.  I love what I do so I'll be doing it tomorrow.

Because you know what I don't love?

My birthday.

I don't have a great track record with birthdays. When I was 6 I had a pool party with a funfetti cake (the best fucking cake in the history of all cakes) with funfetti icing (the best fucking icing in the history of all icings) and fake icing crayons on the sides and crayon candles. And the 6 random friends I thought to invite had a good time and someone got me the Berenstain board game and I LOVED the Berenstain Bears. So that was pretty awesome.

But even in all that awesomeness I still managed to throw up in the pool and on my dog.

Ever since then my birthdays have always been filled with hopes that this year will be better than last, this party the most epic, these memories the happiest.

And every time it is not so.

9 days before my 12th birthday a plane crashed into the building my dad was working in. Needless to say we did not celebrate that year. (He was okay in the end but it was a dark and scary time)
On my 16th birthday my boyfriend of a year and a half stopped talking to me and he broke up with me a week later.
On my 17th birthday my mom wasn't feeling well. Less than a month later we found out she had cancer.
9 days before my 18th birthday my mom died.
The day of my 18th birthday my boyfriend flew to new york where he then decided to leave me but then decided against it, choosing instead to just not talk to me all week.
On my 19th birthday I wished he had because I found out he was cheating on me.
On my 20th birthday I wanted to throw a huge bash but realized I didn't have any friends to invite so instead spent the night crying into a glass of vodka.
I celebrated my 21st birthday twice. Once at a bar where the boy I thought was my best friend in the whole world made me feel so judged that I went home early and slept on my couch and at my official birthday party, which only 6 of the 34 people invited showed up to. Oh and where that same "best friend" was such an asshole that I spent an hour crying in my bedroom.

...probably should have taken mugwug out my life long ago...




And now here I am at 22.
Brushing my hair and laying out my things for work tomorrow.

I don't tell you all this to be all woe-is-me. In fact I still love birthdays in theory. I love other peoples birthdays. I love throwing parties and buying gifts and getting gifts and having one day where I'm the special one.

But this year I'm not planning to feel special because if I plan to go out and wear a tiara and be fabulous I'll probably just end up at home with a bowl of popcorn watching greys anatomy reruns.
And that'll mean I spend ANOTHER birthday crying.

So instead I will go to work and do my mundane little tasks and make small talk with my regulars and tease the cook and take pride in every dollar I make and leave at the end of the day content with my life.

But it is still my birthday... so send me some good juju if you get a chance.

:)



In semi-related news the reason you haven't heard from me much lately is because of the job. I get home and am so brain dead and tired that all I can do is sit and eat a sandwich while watching mindless tv.

I love the job but I hate how tired I am after. I don't have the motivation to do anything let alone update the blog.
But I will try.
Because working as a bartender has opened my life up to a whole new hilarious and drama filled cast of characters that really need to be shared with the world.

Goodnight.

xxKK