100 WEIRD THINGS THAT I'VE DONE/DO

To be fair I'd like to point out that the majority of these weird things probably involve other people. Hence I am not alone in my weirdness.

Here goes nothing.

You're Welcome. 

1) Read an entire thesaurus. Don't ask why. It's a long story.
2) Keeping with the reading theme: Read all of the Redwall books in order of publishing, reverse order, in chronological order (by book topic not publishing date) and I made a family tree showing all the characters and how they're related.
3) Went through a phase where I thought I was a designer and I made bracelets and crappy purses out of cut up jeans. Many a good jean was lost to my misplaced dreams.
4) Sometimes I force Liz to play footdance with me. It's where we put our feet together and dance.
5) To this day my favorite candy is york peppermint patty on top of a Reese's peanut butter cup.
6) Eat pizza backwards.
7) I own 3 bibles. 1 is pink and gold. 1 has both Latin and English translations. 1 has extensive notes. Oh and I don't believe in God.
8) When I get really stressed or nervous my nose bleeds. Sometimes it gushes and sometimes it trickles. It always is gross,
9) Worked out a very elaborate mathematical equation to make sense of the LOST numbers. In the end it turned out there was no sense to be had and I was very upset. Fucking magnetic polar bear shit.
10) My best friend in high school once convinced me Advil were chewable. So I chewed one. DEATH.
11) When no one is around I talk as if there are so that neighbors/delivery guys won't think I'm a sad and lonely person.
12) When I forget to act normal and I am alone I make little noises that are not quite song nor speech but more of a secret communication that only stuffed animals and imaginary friends can understand.
13) Learnt sign language from a book.
14) I can say dinosaurs fucking and Bitch, make me a sandwich in sign language. Oh and Harmony.
15) Made a boy cry in a particularly brutal field hockey match. I was 12.
16) On occasion me and my band of cohorts have been known to adopt fake accents, names and persona's. I'd like to say it's the actor in us but really we just crazy.
17) I have been known, on occasion, to dissect ravioli and take the cheese out of the middle before eating the pasta.
18) When I was a child I had 3 imaginary friends.
19) I named them Andrew, Sandy and Rocko. (It was a love triangle. Even at 5 years old I understood where my love life was headed)
20) When I'm drunk I like to hide in closets/bushes/under stairwells to see if anyone will miss me and try to find me.
21) Always take a journal in my carry on luggage.
22) Never write in it.
23) Been hiccuping for 7 years.
24) I made my barbies go to 4th base before I did (waaay before [barbie was a slut])
25) I'm extremely OCD about doorknobs. I cant touch one without touching something else first.
26) Talk to my dog as if she were a real person.
27) Get mad if someone talks to her in baby talk. (It demeans her intelligence)
28) Went Vegan.
29) Sleeping standing up.
30) Take a GMAT practice test for fun.
31) Put everything onto a post it note.
32) Always carry a sharpie.
33) Draw on EVERYTHING with said sharpie.
34) Forced a suitor to fill out an application to be my boyfriend. He passed (barely). It was a brief affair.
35) Take pictures any injury that bleeds.
36) Did THIS.
37) Drank out of THESE 
38) Commented on a facebook status 208 times in 30 minutes. Lizzie has a lot to do with this one.
39) Bought Mario PJ pants
40) And pink cat pants.
41) Rarely wear any pants.
42) Drunkenly impersonate a french bulldog.
43) Name everything Bob. Everything.
44) Purr.
45) Installed red lighting in my bedroom. What can I say. I'm inspired by the red light district?
46) On the same theme: I may or may not have under bed restraints.
47) Holographic Jesus FTW.
48) Bought and played with Lego. At age 22.
49) Had a band. We called ourselves Plaid. We had two great songs. I was 5.
50) I was given a poster of Lord of the Rings and had to tape over Orlando Blooms eyes because I was convinced he was watching me. And that he was so mad that I liked Aragon better than Legolas.
51) Made up my own language. (Sort of)
52) Learnt Elvish
53) Wrote my diary in Latin.
54) Wore 3 watches. At the same time. One of them was a Minnie Mouse watch. I was 16.
55) Give fake names at Pinkberry.
56) Started an anonymous blog.
57) Then only let my friends read it....
58) Eat plain seaweed right out of the bag.
59) Eat uncooked oatmeal.
60) Wrote a musical on time travel. The number about Christopher Columbus was my best work to date.
61) Assumed the personality of a french doomsday weather man.
62) Watched How To Train Your Dragon twice in a row.
63) Cried every single time that Hiccup gets hurt.
64) Solo dance party!
65) Turned my livingroom into a Dharma Bunker for a Lost party.
66) Slept in Lizzies yard with Will when we were 16. It rained.
67) Named a collection of left over beers. They became a little beer family. Until the fateful day that Candi drank Fredrick. Sad times.
68) Cry at weddings. Doesn't matter whose it is. I just start bawling.
69) Nutella & Goldfish. Nuff said.
70) Slept in my living room for several months because I saw a roach heading in the general direction of my bedroom.
71) Grafittied a hedgehog on a skateboard onto every desk and locker I've ever been assigned.
72) Entered a healthy lunchbox competition. Won.
73) Started painting what I was sure was my epic masterpiece. Never finished. Hung the drop cloth on the wall instead.
74) Whistle like a bird.
75) Can't snap
76) Pretended to be allergic to onions.
77) Turned out to actually be allergic to onions.
78) Lip sync to Pandora when I'm at work.
79) Ditto for *subtle* chair dancing. Sometime I just gotta jam, man.
80) Type in rhythm to whatever I'm listening to. Sorry coworkers.
81) Got cracked out on caffeine pills and didn't sleep for 3 days.
82) EVERYTHING I DID THOSE THREE DAYS
83) Ordered a grilled cheese to get delivered to a hospital when I was injured and hungover.
84) Railed off of night club seat. Not sanitary at all.
85)I always sleep on the same side of the bed. Despite how difficult it may to get into that side.
86) Photoshopped a picture of a male friend to make him look like a drag queen/
87) Used a rainbow glow in the dark condom.
88) bought a 4XL Hockey Jersey from a high school league.
89) Stripper pole in my living room.
90) Drank a prairie oyster. Look it up. Most disgusting shot ever.
91) Broke my wrist playing beerpong
92) Play with David's Bridal online wedding planner despite not being engaged.
93) Pretended to be fatally ill (complete with costume and makeup) to avoid inviting a boy into my messy house.
94) Cream Cheese & Vanilla Ice Cream. It was a low point.
95) "Fixed my shower." .. with packing tape and zip ties.
96) Collected bottle caps. Did nada with them.
97) Am 22 years old and still regularly buy board games.
98) I once had a ghost
99) I named him Bradley. We were tight, yo.
100) I acted so much like a cat that it became a my nickname and the inspiration for this blog.

I know that some of these are super lame but I defy you to make a list of 100 things about yourselves! This shit is hard. Also my life is super shamble-y right now so I'm sure I'll get a good post up soon.

xxKK

16 EVERYDAY GROOMING MADE DIFFICULT BY BEING DRUNK

1) showering. It is mad hard to hold on to that wine glass when you're drunk. and wet.

2) painting nails. what do you mean this doesn't belong on my face? 


3) Straightening hair. so burned. so so so burned.

4) clothing. i'd rather be naked.

5) MIRRORS ARE OPTICAL ILLUSIONS

56) choosing perfume. all i smell is sangria.

7) lipstick. go without.

8) time management. I'm supposed to do all of the above in less than 4 hours??

9) Hair brushing. Shit hurts, yo.

10) walking in heels. or walking at all.

11) earrings are tiny knives.

12) moisturizer? in ma eyes.

13) liquid eyeliner.... yeahhhh. no. just no.

14) bronzer. oops now I look like a guido.

15) blush. oops now I look like a guido with rosacea.

16) any hair styling at all. after hours of washing and straightening and pulling and brushing I still walk out looking like Ke$ha after a night of drinking in a hurricane.

..or maybe just normal Ke$ha hair... 

SICK AS A DOG BUT STILL A KITTY KAT

Let me let you know how this week has been going so far:

Monday: Go to work in morning. Normal stress and life loathing. Mid morning I start having some weird heart palpitations. Got very lightheaded. Convinced myself I was having a heart attack. Start freaking the fuck out. Text Lizz to tell her I'm dying (I had to let her know I wanted a mulitmedia presentation at my funeral... it's the classy thing to do) And then I webMD my symptoms. Usually this means I end up with a proclaimation of cancer or DEATH but this time it said that I was probably having a panic attack. And considering the origin of the disorder I didn't think it was totally unlikely. So I chalk it up to me being a crazy and go back to work. Heart keeps pounding a little crazy but whatevs. Then we get lunch and suddenly I feel completely nauseated.

Look it up. It's nauseated not nauseous.

I feel sicker and sicker and finally tell my boss and leave.

May or may not have vomited on the streets of manhattan.

Spend the rest of the day in bed and not feeling awesome. Definitely not awesome.

Tuesday: Wake up at 5 am in a fevered nightmare involving several of my exes and a bear. I also think there may have been a maze as well. Fall asleep again. Wake up again and vomit and make some eggs and vomit and try to get dressed and then all of a sudden realize that it's 1:30 in the afternoon and I have 3 missed texts from my boss. Pretty much they think I'm dead. Let them know I'm alive and then go back to bed. Several more vomits and a feast with lizz later I head to bed.

Wednesday: Wake up late again with boss's blessing to take day off. Don't vomit and manage to pack up a bunch of stuff for moving. Decided to end my night with pinkberry and Gossip Girl. Oh and vodka. Oops drunk now. Clearly I'm feeling better but I have to admit I still don't feel awesome but I promise myself that this is the last day home. Tomorrow I vow to buck up and hold back my dry heaving and go to work. Despite how much work I have to do at home I need to get back into work before I actually have a stress induced breakdown.

Because weirdly spending time at work keeps me from being stressed about everything I have going on at home.

So that there is that.

This wasn't funny or inspirational or witty but I just wanted to tell you that I haven't been awesome hence why I haven't been around to be awesome via interwebs. And that life has been stressful. Hence the vodka and gossip girl that I needed tonight.

Now time for bed before I miss my alarm again and spend another day on the couch.

xxKK