WHILE THE KAT IS AWAY THE MICE WILL PLAY...

So about 2 months ago I came home one fateful night and when I walked into my bedroom something small and dark dashed across the wall and under my bed.
Naturally I thought it was a roach because I fucking hate roaches and they always seem to find me.
So I bombed my house, sprayed a shit ton of baygon and nearly asphyxiated myself.

I also slept on my couch for the next three weeks. Partially to avoid complete asphyxiation and partly because I'm a big ass chicken who has a history of sleeping on my couch to avoid bedroom inhabitants and/or messes.

But then one morning I was sleeping on the couch and the motherfucking mouse ran across my floor.

So I went back to sleeping in my bedroom.

The next time I saw the mouse (at 2 am) I engaged in all out warfare for an hour and a half until I had it trapped in a tiny corner by the door. Opened the door and whoosh, swept it outside. I saw it scrabble around on the landing before hauling ass down the stairs.

Cut to two months later: I'm sitting on my couch, feeling pleased as punch, watching a little My So-Called Life and then I hear it.

Scrabble. Scrabble. Scratch. Scratch. Squeek.

I fuck you not.  There was a squeek.

And you'll never guess where it came from.

The motherfucking oven.

Yes. Mouse in the mother fucking oven.

So then I'm like wtf? And then I'm like Imma roast the motherfucker. And then, after a little google research, I realized how bad of an idea that was so I just started making noise to scare it.  On and off it scrabbled and scratched and squeeked.

I mean, I left traps, dropped poison, installed 5 of those little sonic things and still it scrabbled on.

Then... nothing. No noises for a few days. I finally started using my stovetop again.

And now I can't be sure if it's the 4:46 on the clock or an actual sighting but I'm pretty sure I just saw another furry run out in the corner of my eye.

Well I'm heading out of manhattan for some debauchery with Miranda Bellevue (she likes fun) and I'm hoping that while I'm way the mouses will decide this house is not for them and I will come home to a furry free residence.

I'm also hoping that while I'm away Miranda and my two new favorite boys, Sebastiano and Juliano, will keep my mind off the mice with copious amounts of alcohol, installation wrecking, trespassing, glitterati* and fetus cakes for breakfast.

If that sounds wrong just wait till I blog about what actually goes down this weekend :P crazy times. Last time was too R rated for even this humble blog.

Anyways, I'm off to get a power nap in before school.

xxKK

*glitterati - an amateur (i.e. with yo friends) photo shoot consisting of ridiculous faces, costumes and, obviously, glitter. Also a term for the trio of Miranda, Juiliano & Sebastiano.