Monday, April 30, 2012

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE LIVING IN NEW YORK

This is a... brief... list of skills/knowledge that I've acquired since moving to New York.

1) walking and eating anything. Literally anything. I'm not just talking about your run of the mill pizza on the go or sandwich on the subway. I'm talking about some seriously complicated cusine. Like soup on the sidewalk, froyo on the FDR and nachos... well I can't think of any alliteration for nachos but seriously do you know how hard it is to juggle walking in manhattan and eating nachos?

2) Texting an walking. Now usually I hate this. But only on other people. See... I have developed what can only be described as a bat-like sonar. I can dodge any crowd of drunken Knicks fans and still not misspell debauchery. (a word I often need to use)

3) Being drunk and walking. Are you sensing a theme? You see... in New York you must be a stellar walker.  And being drunk is often a must. So learning to stumble home in 5 inch heels without help and without falling on your ass. Hell you can get get chlamydia from the streets of new york...

4) Fake flowers are a lazy girls best friend. I like the plastic yellow hydrangeas that are in my bathroom. They brighten up the place and add some privacy from nosy neighbors. And I never need to water them. It's win-win-win.

5) Never underestimate the power of a bouncer. Make good friends with bouncers. I have gotten so many awesome things from my security friendships. Everything from getting douchebags thrown out to free shots to that one time that I sent bobby on a wild goose chase to find my glasses. (they were on the bar)

6) One night stands are never as fun as you think they'll be. One week stands are much better.

7) Starbucks gives $0.54 refills for any size iced black coffee or tea. This knowledge is golden.

8) 100 calorie packs don't really count as a diet snack if you eat 3 of them in a row.

9) It always good to have multiple delis nearby. That way when you need your second hangover sandwich & powerade combo you don't have to face the same people twice. Such judgement can be rough the morning after a night of tequilla shots.

10) Never underestimate good friends.

11) Or friends who can drive (moving anyone?)

12)  I have a thing for guys with blue eyes.. (okay technically this has nothing to do with NY but I realized it while I've been here and it's kind of scary how many blue eyed wonders I've fallen for -> Charlie, PBA, Ninja, Main Squeeze, Will, Ken, Dr. C, 3 one night stands and a cop named Damien.... okay a few of those weren't exactly "fallen for" worthy but still. Thats a looooot of blue eyes.)

13) When I start yawning it's time for bed... oh wait.. that's now.

To be continued...

xxKK

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