WEEKEND GETAWAY / THE POST-SEX BREAKDOWN THAT WAS

I promise that I will tell you the rest of the Niko story soon but if I try to write this blog in a strictly chronological order then it may never get told. Lets face it. I have the attention span of a goldfish.

Anyways. I came home this weekend. Not for any particular reason, just because my father offered to pay for it and who am I to turn down free airfare? And I'm so used to coming home and raging my face off and seeing a million different people and sleeping with a little less than a million people and just having an awesome me-centered time.

Well, I didn't really tell anyone I was coming home and then I got back and expected to be like "surprise! love me!" but instead it was sort of lame. Like I still raged my face off. But it wasn't what I expected. I spent my first 7 hours at home lying on my bed and singing along to Josh Groban. Finally got to dinner with a friend... one drink turned into 5 and then the night really began. Hit a pre-drink where a rousing game of Never Have I Ever revealed to everyone that there is very little I've never done. 2 bottles of vodka later we roll into town and it's like... dead.

That doesn't stop us from grabbing some drinks and some shots and moving to another bar where it isn't so dead. And I'm wasted and smiley and everything is good when I see one of my guy friends who does know I'm home. I see he's with a little group of our friends so I run over and give him a huge hug and when I step back I see the 4th person in the group.

Ninja.

Who then asks me where his hug is.

So I give it to him but I feel like I've been hit with a sledgehammer. Like... he's never out. Ever. I didn't expect this. So a bit of my drunk slips away.

Can't let that happen.

More shots, more drinks, double fisting. All the way, baby.

So at this point I'm sort of toying with the line between fun drunk and emotional drunk. And Ninja, being the wonderful man he can be asks whats wrong and is being so nice and I find out that the earlier upset we had was pretty much all in my head. That he didn't realize how upset I was. That I'm basically a big baby. So that's good. And we're good. It's all good. And then his wife pops up.

Death.

5 mins later he's grinding up on her and I'm sucking back my drink and someone else's as well.

This inevitably leads to me telling crying in public and telling two people who don't even know me that well that I'm in love with Ninja. Mortifying. One can only hope they were as drunk as me and forget. So I cry. Drink. Cry more. Then start my journey home. Which is where I run into the guy I hugged before (and thus he shall be called Ken) And Ken wants to hang out. SO we are going to go back to his place but our ride is really wasted so we walked to a nearby house instead. As soon as the tenants of the house go to bed I fuck Ken on the living room floor.

By fuck I mean we tried but being as intoxicated as we were it was more of an awkward messy bump'n'grind.

Wake up fully dressed next to a naked Ken a few hours later. I'm fucking freezing, I can't believe I've slept with him and I'm about on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Ken wakes up and is sober enough to go grab his bike to drive us home. The whole way I'm blabbering like an idiot and I can't tell if its the breakdown or if I'm still drunk or if maybe I'm just a fucking crazy person.

He drops me at home and I am literally acting like a fucking nutbag. I'm all "I hope you still respect me, I hope I'm not pregnant, please don't tell anyone, are you ashamed of me??" and Ken's laughter is slowly turning from haha (you're funny) to haha (you might kill me in a minute)

Got home. Cried for an hour. Sent overly dramatic facebook messages to Lizz and Shiv. Finally get to sleep at 8am. Wake up at 10 am, FUCK NO. Wake up at 12 and finally shower off all the vodka and scrub off the smell of condoms.

Honestly.. those fucking things like permeate your skin. I swear I thought my dad was going to be able to smell the sex on me.

I calm down a little bit.

See... I wasn't really upset about having sex with Ken. Let's be honest, I've made worse decisions before. But I just never thought of him that way and I was so upset about Ninja, to then go fuck his friend. Ugh. He's never going to love me if I keep being such a giant whore.

Not that he'd love me regardless.

But still.

I don't think I was emotionally stable for sex with someone that I didn't have that sort of relationship with. On one hand I was like haha I don't need Ninja I can get anyone to have sex with me! And on the other hand it was like.... Omg... I'll have sex with anyone...

Arg oh well.

PBA helped me get over it the next night.

But lets save that tidbit of gossip for another time ;)...

xxKK