Ponies.
Princes.
Pink Bicycles.
My Size Barbie.
Littlest Pet Shop.
Giant boxes of teddy grahams.
These things are scared and special and near to every little princesses heart. You can only hope and dream that one day these things will find you in life.
You know what's not on that list?
Stalkers.
Stalkers are not something that people want in their lives. In fact I believe it is something that most people would prefer to avoid completely. But this Kat just isn't that lucky.
Meet Dead Man Daniels.
A man so old that it seems that one sneeze you push him right into the afterlife. A overweight, old as shit, dinosaur of a man.
Who is obsessed with me.
He comes to my bar every single day and sits and orders Jack Daniels.
And orders
And orders
And orders.
I believe the record thus far has been me serving him 19 shots in a day.
But he doesn't shoot them... oh noooo... he sips on them.
Shots of Jack Daniels are not sippin' dranks.
No sir.
Anyways. At first I thought he was just an eccentric regular. Spent some time talking to him and learning a bit about him.
Then suddenly he goes from regular to borderline obsessed and then to full throttle stalker.
Phase 1.
He begins coming to the bar in threes. Once at 11am (as soon as we open) Again by 1pm and again around 3pm.
THRICE.
Phase 2.
He starts to relocate himself to align with where I am. Like he'll sit at the end of my bar and if I move he'll move with me. Or if I'm on waitressing duty he'll move to a table... even though he's getting the same lonely shot as he was sitting at the bar.
Phase 3.
He brings me presents.
Yes presents. On my birthday he overheard me telling my manager that it was my birthday and he left only to return with a book almost as old as himself.
Later that week he showed up with a bag of food.
I fuck you not.
A bag, Of. Food.
It was 4:45 and he claimed he'd brought me it for lunch. My curiosity hates me so much for turning it away without seeing what was inside first but I was afraid to accept it.
Phase 4.
He starts telling me intimate details of his life. His father has a stroke, his mother has emotional issues. He has 5 sisters. He used to fly airplanes in the army. He hates snakes. Things I neither asked to know or even brought up anything even remotely related.
Phase 5.
He shows up to work. I try to dissuade our... friendship (?)... by paying him less attention and he asks me if we're in a fight. Literally asks me if we're fighting. So weird. Then two days ago he sits at my table and tells me that his mom says hi. Like his mom would know who I was. Like his mom has heard about me in a way that makes me seem like more than his bartender. Like in a creepy he thinks I'm his girlfriend way.
Phase 6.
After two weeks of the cold shoulder he is now trying to win me over with money. Of the 65$ I made today 25 came from him because he threw down a 25 dollar tip on top of the $1.50 included grat on his 6 dollar jack daniels.
Like... thanks? But I still don't want to be your girlfriend.
Anyways. I'm waiting to see how far this will escalate before I legitimately need to be worried.
Booyah creepers.
But I thought I should introduce him to this lovely ragtag mix of characters since I'm not having sex (so I can't write about that) my social life is dwindling (so I can't write about that) and the only thing I do is work/deal with Dead Man Daniels and sleep.
It's sad.
An 80 something year old crazy is now officially the only one who is interested in me since Will has officially fallen off the face of the earth.
Oops.. did I forget to mention Will? Stories for tomorrow..
xxKK
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