He never showed up.
I knew he wouldn't so I shouldn't be surprised.
But despite knowing that he wasn't going to I still stayed up till 3 am last night doing laundry and dishes and cleaning my house and waxing/shaving/beautifying every inch of my frigging body. I still picked out what I was going to wear and bought condoms.
I guess somewhere in the back of my head I thought that maybe there was still a chance that he'd follow through this time. I guess it's because when I asked him, not 48 hours ago, if he was coming he told me yes. Will told me not to take any extra shifts at work or make plans.
So I sat on my bed all day long waiting.
How pathetic is that?
I haven't eaten, haven't left the house. Haven't done anything. My head hurts and my stomach is grumbling so I think it's best if I just go back to sleep now. The idea of picking out something to eat or seeing people is just so exhausting so I'll just sleep until Monday comes and I'm back at work, too busy to feel so stupid.
Because it's not just that I feel unwanted, unbeautiful and truly stupendeously idiotic. It's that one of my best friends made me feel that way and frankly if that's how my best guy friend makes me feel then really what's the hope of me ever finding anyone ever again....
Pretty slim.
xxKK
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