A DITTY TO RAISE PITY FOR THIS KITTY

So. Something I've been looking for this year is vindication. Which is to say I needed some justification in my life. I need to know that I'm not just wasting time and money on an arts degree that will never support me or even bring me joy. I need need need to know that there is hope. I need hope. I need something to hold on to when my family tells me I'm crazy and when my friends ask "so what do you do?" and when the cast lists go up and my name isn't on it. I need something to hold on to.

Well. I didn't get anywhere with the acting front; still not on the cast list.

I didn't get anywhere with the production front because I'm not in film so I have no jurisdiction there.

And now I find out I haven't gotten anywhere with my writing either. My studio would rather put up a play about a dancing grapefruit than my play. My play which I spent a year researching and writing. The play I spent far too much time working on. The play which I put all my little tiny hopes of justification onto.

Fucking dancing grapefruit.

So, I was saddened. and feeling very unartistic. so I wrote a bad poem. A bad poem that probably still beats dancing fucking grapefruits. Murr.

Once upon a starlit day

a Kitty Kat came this way

her heart was true

her feelings blue

wet letters drip away

The tiny twinklers turn to shade

artistic dreams begin to fade

dripping paint

I'm not a saint

watch the canvas begin its decay

Look towards the northern star

fighting stepping through the tar

powdered money

and this sad bunny

burnt out in a blazing car.

Suck on that dancing grapefruit.

Murr.

WHISKEY, HANGOVERS, THE PLAGUE AND FINDING LOVE IN THE BIG BAD CITY

So its been a few days since you heard from me, many apologies little ones, but I was off dying of the plague.

First I was dying of a beer-whiskey-champagne-shots hangover. That's what happens when St. Patricks Day comes to town.

And then I was dying of this horrible plague. Now I am a sickly person, I get every tiny teeny itsy bitsy virus, infection or flu that goes through this damn city. Every 1-6 weeks I'm sent back to bed with a temperature and other gross ailments. I'm talking full body pains, a headache that never leads, the loss of muscle function that causes you to smack the floor with your face when you try to get out of bed. BUT despite this grossness I have some good news.

You see, apparently, what also happens when St. Patty comes to town is that my love karma goes through the roof. Everybody has that one friend who makes horrible love decisions. She's the girl who you tease about that time she lost her underwear on the beach with whats-his-name. The girl you affectionately pat on the back while silently sort of judging her bad taste in men. The girl who gets her heart broken so many times by the same sort of guy before she even learns his name.

I am that girl.

In high school I fell hard for a boy and he broke my heart. So then I threw myself hard at many boys and got little parts chipped away. And then I let the first one break my heart again (because as previously stated I'm a bit of an idiot) So I gathered my tiny shards of broken heart and I put it in my pikachu side bag and I took off into the world to have some love fun.
And I did. ohh I did.... for a while at least. But sex leads to emotions and emotions get messy when your heart is in pieces in a pikachu side bag.

Well.

Its been 18 months since my heart got put in that bag and I guess pikachu worked his lightning magic because low and fucking behold in one measly night of vodka whiskey and green I managed to walk away with three boys. Three! Not one, but three new boys. Numbers, emails and bbms. mmmmhmm. One is sort of a douche bag but hes sexy douche bag and he's kind of funny. One seems to be really putting in the effort (not a common occurrence in the city) and the other is definitely hot and, for some unknown reason, wants to take this kitty to dinner to get to know her. Go Me.

It's pretty awesome. All those broken hearted pieces were sort of worth it I guess. I won't be marrying my high school sweetheart (yes I believed that once upon a time) And I probably won't find my perfect man in the back of a bar (a romp in the hay but not a perfect man) but this gives me hope. There is hope for this kitty to find love :) That's good to know. So I'm going to date (and share my horrors, shame and successes with youuuu) and get back into the dating world and hopefully find a man to make my own.

So if you are, or know, a cute, funny, sweet boy who doesn't break hearts and is looking for a quirky trouble maker who loves to cuddle then Kitty Kat wants You.

time for bed now. by bed I of course mean the piles of homework I have to do for tomorrow that I put off all spring break.

much love little ones. sleep tight. more stories for you later :)

THE SUN, IT BURNS! (aka the one about the irish syph)

Alas winter is ending. Most people would rejoice the return of the sun and daisies but I am a creature of hibernation. I make nests. I wear sweatpants. I like to layer. I drink tea.

But alas winter is ending. The birds are chirping. The dogs are barking. The fish are bloopblooping. I have a headache.

The sun is shining. The colors are bright. I lost my sunglasses.

People are in the street smiling and eating ice cream. People are in the park playing frisbee. People are in my way.

Flowers are blooming. Bees are pollinating. God damn allergies.

Murr.

Okay, enough of the curmudgeon-ness. It's actually sort of nice. Once I pop some tylenol, grab a drink and strip off my sweater I'm actually sort of ready to leave hibernation (and my nest) behind and celebrate the day.

Especially since the day is the one I've been counting down to for 365 days... HAPPY ST. PATTYS DAY! (i.e. international day of dress in green, drink a guinness and horde your gold) So go grab a leprechan (or, equally, a human) and give 'em a kiss (for luck) grab some whiskey and take a swig (for happiness) and get into some pure debauchery for some good ol' fashioned fun. Today, any man wearing green is instantly a little more attractive than another. It's sort of an irish GPS. Once you're drunk you don't really notice little things like attractiveness or whether their jokes are actually funny BUT the bright green Tshirt that says "Fuck Me, I'm Irish" does let you know that this man is up for fun... and is therefore a winner.

Don't be a fool though, keep some trojans on hand (green or otherwise) because no matter how hot he (or she) may actually be, a romp in the hay with an irish hottie is never worth a shot of penicillin to kill your new born Syph.

Just saying.

With that mind, go get some cash (its green!) go get a man (its fun!) and Fill Yer Boots Man!

SOY PUDDING IS NOT AS TASTY AS REAL PUDDING

Okay... I'm a horrible vegan. I'm already complaining. I will eventually get back into the groove of my former animal-less diet. Its just annoying. I spent a whole hour hunched over shredding parsnips! And by shredding I mean slowly carving tiny thin strips out of a very solid and hard vegetable.

The parsnips where for my vegan "tuna fish salad" recipe not the pudding..

The tuna salad actually isn't bad... it doesn't taste, look or smell like tuna thus I personally probably wouldn't have marketed it as a meatless substitute for that.

And yeah... the soy pudding isn't as good as real pudding but hey its chocolate! can't realllly go wrong with that. And my chocolate rice milk is like.. the most amazing thing ever. Even if you're not vegan you should try it. If you don't like it you can always blend it with some ice cream and make a healthier milkshake.

meow.

KITTY GOES NOM NOM NOM

Nom Nom Nom.
(International sign of happy munching and crunching and devouring of yumyums)

So today I went grocery shopping... usually this wouldn't be a newsworthy event but its been almost three weeks since I had any money or real food. You see... a little less than three weeks ago I went to a party, that I wasn't invited to, and I was faced with a minor crisis where one of my friends went running off into the abyss of Battery Park alone... so I went after her of course. This was not the issue... the night could have turned itself around real easy after that.

but nooooo.

This dumbass Kitty put her damn purse down on the stairs when she put her coat on and some little swiper came and took it and ran down to the golden arches for a $12 feast of Micky D's. That... was a mistake. Entirely my own fault but annoying. Lost my ID, (and more importantly) my fake ID, my wallet (including all three of my credit cards) my keys, my beautiful 3 week old camera and a wonderful purse.

SO I scrounged in my couch and under the rugs and somehow dug up about $60 dollars in small change which allowed me survival for two weeks. But now I has my money back (which was a whole other problem) so I got groceries!

Now I am a recently re-devoted Vegan (and by recent I mean I finished the frost bitten chocolate ice cream in my freezer before I went to the store) so I walked the extra 6 blocks to the health food store and bought all the ingredients for my new vegan recipes and then I trudged them back (the extra 6 blocks and up the 5 flights) to my home... (did I mention how heavy health food can be?)

I sat on my couch recovering from the trek and then finally decided to put the groceries away. Now I get pretty curious when trying something new... I'm a Kat, what do you expect? So I started to rip open the healthy crap like a kid on Christmas and at first it was fun and then kind of boring and normal...

And then I opened the last can...

Apparently a new staple of my diet is a nutritional flake that looks like something we used to feed to the Chinese fighting fish in my high school math teachers classroom.

Yummy.

Now I'm not giving up... and I'm not disheartened per say... just a little... um... wary? So wish me luck in making something edible out of tiny little fish flakes. I'll let you know how it turns out.

BATTLE OF THE BROLLYS

I made a horrible error in judgment after my last post. I decided to leave the nest and seek out nourishment. I should have settled for the leftovers in my fridge. Going outside was a nightmare!

I look out the window and low and behold there is torrential rain pouring down onto the streets of Manhattan. This Kat does not like getting wet (especially when already sick) but regardless I was hungry so I suited up in my wellies and grabbed a big ass umbrella and headed out into the wilderness.

The rain was nasty and the wind not so nice but, in the range of weather I've encountered, not horrible. What was horrible were the many people who had obviously never learned their umbrella etiquette. I know its raining... I'm standing in it too, you know. I know its windy and I know its fucking cold but that's no reason to throw away common laws of the street!

Eg// Situation: You're walking down the street with a large umbrella. Someone with equal size umbrella comes towards you in the opposite direction. There is not enough room for side to side, what do you do? Solution: The taller of the two walkers ever so slightly raises his/her umbrella whilst the shorter hunches slightly (I being of... condensed height...have never had to pass over except when met with children under the age of eleven.) This causes the umbrellas to pass by without causing any collision. Water Avoidance Perfection!

Is this what happened tonight?

No.

Tonight, every person in the three block radius that I walked thought that it would be more appropriate to angle their huge umbrellas down and barrel straight through the crowd. Very unpleasant and it generally gets everybody else wet.

Rude.

Forgivable, but rude. And annoying. And I don't like getting wet. Hence when one very large man used his big blue umbrella to propel me out of his way, instead of allowing him to, I pushed back (at risk of snapping my cute little purple brolly I might add) causing HIM to falter and very nearly fall off balance. His response? "Watch where you're walking!" (imagine it with a gruff Brooklyn accent)

Excuse me, what?

Mr. Big and Blue needs to learn that when you push a 5'1" sick girl with a craving for crackers and an aversion to water that sometime she pushes back.

Moral of the story: This Kitty's claws are always sharpened for battle.

oh.... and be courteous and kind to others. obviously.

KITTY MAKES A NEST

So today began my Spring Break. Therefore, it true spring break fashion, I spent all day in bed. Literally. I got up for "breakfast" at 4pm. It was glorious. Usually I would consider spring break a time for tequilla and inappropriate relationships (heehee) but this break I actually have to work and be productive.

Which I'm pretty okay with if it means I dont have to leave my bed.

Also, tequilla and other such delicacies are not so good for me right now since I have come down with a horrible rotten flu. Now this is not my normal flu with 20 boxes of tissues and an abundance of mucus (cute I know) because that would never keep me from a night of debauchery.

This is a head flu. Which is not the worst illness ever but it sort of feels like those cartoons where someone smack you in the head with an anvil and you can't walk straight or make sense. I never thought that it would be such an effort to stand up... I avoid getting out of bed at all costs... I've created a nice little nest in my bed. I have my movies, my computer, books, some dried fruit snacks and about 6 bottles of water. When I first got sick I made a giant batch of noodles and tofu so when I do get hungry I can crawl to the kitchen, microwave some yummies, sit on the couch (or floor) eat and then return to my nest.

I used to do this same thing when I was a kid. Not the tequilla part, the nest part. I used to make a little a little messy circle of bedding and pillows, curl up inside it and pull a comforter over the top. Very weird, I know. And then along the side of my bed I would have a pile of books and games to play and VHS tapes.

Ahh the days of VHS.

Ahh! Stay on track. Wait, what track was I on... there was originally a point to this post... ah crap, I forget what it was. Oh well, I blame it on the fever.

Well I'm about to refill my water, maybe grab some yummy tofu and noodles and find another movie to watch. So I bid thee farewell for now. Much love.

p.s. I'm taking suggestions for movies to rent/watch or particularly good books. Anything to keep entertained during my, albeit few, waking hours.

DRIP DROP DRAP GOES THE BIG BAD TAP

So, I wake this morning and realize that I am late for school. Now some days I would shrug, roll over and catch some more zzz's. On other days, such as this one, I get in full blown panic mode when I realize that I've already missed two classes in a row and really can't afford to flunk another class. After 12 minutes of looking for a pair of socks I realize that no, I will not be making it to school. Annoying to say the least.

As I sat on my couch eating left over brown rice for breakfast and watching the morning news I started to wonder how I could have over slept. I set three alarms. Three. Say it with me people... THREE ALARMS. Not so good for Kitty.

Then it dawns on me.

Every night for about two hours I lay in my bed, tossing and fidgeting and turning the pillow over and I hear Drip. Drip. Drip.

My shower faucet leaks. Not an inordament amount. Nothing that my super is willing to actually fix... after all its barely a quarter cup of water a day. But those tiny teeny dripdripdrips are driving me crazy. AND when I do finally want the water on its never hot! GAH! The frustration is enough to drive this Kat up the wall!

Just a little healthy venting. I'm sure I'll have more later but for now I'm going to enjoy some Red Velvet Fro-Yo, which by the way is the most amazing thing you can get for 35¢ an oz and is far cheaper than therapy. (get the awesomeness at: Yogurt Station, St. Marks St)

Au Revoir my kittens.

BLOGGING... THE NEW FRONTIER

Oh blogging... you strange creation. Part narcissistic self examination, part therapy and part mindless ramblings. Throw in a splash (or four) of vodka, a few mishaps and a pinch of mischief and you have the KITTY KAT CONUNDRUMS.

I had a blog briefly in high school but it sort of kind of crashed and burned when I a) ran out of things to talk about b) realized nobody was actually reading it and c) when my mom realized I was spending more time on my blog then on my geography homework. Well I ditched the small town for a big city so my life is a little more interesting... or at least I seem to get into more adventures *cough* trouble *cough* now.

I ditched the geography homework too.

Now this Kitty Kat is just trying to forge her way in a city that chews up and spits people out. Wish me luck.

Welcome to the wonderfully weird mind of Me.