MEN ARE FROM TOONTOWN, WOMEN ARE FROM SPARTA

Do you know that feeling when you get into bed and lie down and all your joints fall into place and your muscles stretch out gloriously and its like your entire body is saying ooooh yah thats good. A giant sigh of relief and happiness goes through your bones and pure joy radiates from your muscles as you stretch and release all the tension from your body.

I keep my room at a general temperature of freezing so when I get into bed its not just the cushiness that makes me happy its the jumping under the covers and being cold and cuddly and perfectly cocooned that makes Kitty want to purrrrrr.

purrpurrpurrpurrpurr

So despite my weekend including a drunken breakdown over being replaced by my former Main Squeeze, some killer pre-LadyTime cramps and spending my saturday night watching Save the Last Dance instead of seeing friends or having fun, all my worries melt away when I hop into the wonderful cold cushiony heaven of a bed.

Delicious.

This wonderland of comfort is only increased by the hot water bottle, some Earl Grey tea and my LadyTime happy pills. The reason I bring this up is because, as I eased out of feeling as though a small army of men with bayonets were ripping apart my uterus and into a partially medicated, pillow and comforter induced bliss, I reflected on a conversation I had a few days ago.

This conversation was with a pair of boys and, as all my conversations with boys do, it eventually turned to the topic of boners. And how horrible the "inconvenient boner" is.. especially while in high school. And they went on about the problem and turned fairly small appendage into a monumental issue. Now I am sure that your boners are very embarassing and uncomfortable when in school but lets be honest... you suffer for what, a year, maybe two(?) before you learn how to tuck it up against your belt or to wank before you have french class with that hot teacher?

So if you were to suffer for a year and a half (averaging) from an inconvenient boner at school every 2 days then, since there are only 180 school days in a year, that would be 90 days in which you suffered. And lets say that this problem, or the subsequent embarassment, lasts up to 1.5 hours... thats 135 hours of discomfort.

Now lets look at my cramps. I started when I was 13 and lets just assume I'll hit menopause at 53. From experience my horrible cramps, without the aid of painkillers, can last from 8 hours to 48. So lets round to 20 hours per period, 40 years, 12 a year... 9600 hours in my life of pain.

135... 9600.

One Hundred and Thirty Five vs Nine Thousand and Six Hundred...

My pain is 71.111% higher for me being a girl than you for being a boy so I really don't want to hear your bitching anymore.

and I didn't even take into account childbirth.

just saying

xx KK