Okay, I am a massive nerd.. like pretty colossal. I go through books like candy and rough them up like my men. I have had to buy several copies of my favorite books because my constant reading leads to the covers falling off and pages being ripped out.
I read everything, fiction, non-fiction, romance, sci-fi, murder mysteries (probably my favorite genre) biographies and... I am not ashamed to admit... Twilight.
I'm not talking bad acting/big budget Twilight, I'm talking the books. As in the thing with pages and words written across it...
I actually think the books are well written and entertaining. And I really don't care if its supposed to be a feminist text or Mormon propaganda... its a book about freaking vampires and werewolves... that shit is cool.
Despite being a total Twilight book fan I would not label myself a "twilighter" because I think that as well written as the books are, the movies are equally horribly written. It's like Meyer took her beautiful language and dumbed it down for 13 year old middle America idiots who wouldn't know a book if it smacked them in their over sexualized, under educated faces.
Example:
In the book Jacob, Bella and Mike Newton go on an awkward threeway date to an adrenaline packed action movie called Cross Hairs.
In the movie the title of the movie was changed to "Face Punch"
Would you like to know why?
Because it was decided that the idiots that the twilight movies are designed for wouldn't understand that cross hairs are a targeting feature on a gun and not something to do with split ends... Face punch was a good simpleton way of saying 'a movie where people get punched in the face'.
Ridiculous
Example 2:
When shmexy book Edward tells Bella he's leaving her it's an emotional moment wrought with despair and confusion... in the movie the dialogue goes:
E: I'm going
B: I want to cum
E: I don't want you to cum.
oops.. did I say cum instead of come? Oh no... that is totally how they wanted you to hear it... don't believe me? Go watch the movie... even when they're supposed to be going through something tragic the whole setting is over sexualized so that the 11-14 year old girls will swoon and buy posters and little T Shirts saying "Team Edward" and generally continue to live without ever exercising that tiny little thing they call a brain.
Why am I talking about this? Well... you see.. today at work one of my older co-workers came up to me and offered me a ticket to the premier of Eclipse tonight... well... I said no... I generally only submit to Twilight movies when there are copious amounts of alcohol involved... and then she said that it wasn't just the new one... it was ALL THREE IN A ROW... plus special features and cast interviews... starts at 9pm... finished after 1am.
Hell
Fucking
No.
I didn't say that of course I merely declined but then she ran off yelling that she'd check if Marjorie from accounting wanted to go but if not then the tickets were all mine.
Dude.. I don't want them!
So turns out Marjorie has plans so this lady shows back up in my office with the tickets and says I can have them for 9 dollars....
Dude... DUDE... DO NOT WANT!
Def not going to PAY for it.
So since she didn't take the hints that I didn't want to go (what can I say...she's a self titled Twilighter, what did I expect?) I told her I had made other plans... which I did... I have plans with all my favorite men..
Jim
Jack
Johnny Red
Johnny Black
and Jose
no... i didnt come up with that joke myself...
Au Revior.
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you should probably know we DID go see it, and there WERE copious amounts of alcohol involved, and i still hated it.
ReplyDeletePS you should read the sookie stackhouse books - they're the books true blood was based on, and while of little to no literary merit, there are vampires and werewolves and other mythical creatures, plus sex. lots of sex.
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