ARE YOU SURE?...

Dear iTunes,
I love your work, I buy way too many songs/movies/tv shows off of you and spend way more money than I should entertaining myself but I have a serious bone to pick with you.
What's with the "are you sure?" sign that pops up everytime I want to buy or rent something.  Like, I get that you put it there so idiotic people who have no right being on a computer let alone have an itunes account don't end up buying 3000 copies of the princess and the frog when they are searching for (the artist formerly known as) Prince. But couldn't you word it a little differently? Perhaps "confirm?" or "download?" something simple and less judgmental than "are you sure you want to buy this?" Because honestly when I see that little pop up my various family members pop into my mind saying "are you sure you want to eat that brownie?" or "are you sure you want to wear a bikini?"
God! Why don't you ask me whether I'm sure I want to be alive!
Okay.. perhaps that was a little dramatic.  But seriously! It already takes me so long to pick a movie that I'm usually finished lunch (my excuse to sit down and watch said movie) before I've even gotten around to downloading it!
My life is so hard...
So please take this into account the next time you redesign your website.
Please and thank you,
yours,
Kitty.

xx

FUNNY STORY....

So I started this tiny blog with promises of daily witicisms and intelligent, funny posts.

I kept lists of blog ideas.
I'd be on the subway and I'd think of something funny and I'd write it down in the margin of my book or take a note in my blackberry.
OR
I'd be walking down the street and I'd see some sort of moral travesty and I'd think, wow, I bet I could write about this in such a captivating way that people will actually put down their iPad, turn off the reality shows and listen.

Here comes the funny part....

I forgot.

Oops, My B.

And I'm not kidding about the notes in my books and blackberry... but then I lost my page and put my blackberry through the washer.

Curses.

Anyways, I'm at the airport heading home for xmas break and since that's sort of the same situation as I was in when I started this blog I figure thats a promising re-start.

Right?

Ugh.

THE ONE THAT'S MEANT TO INSPIRE.

Of late, the only times I've bothered to update this thing is when I had a particularly irritating conundrum to ponder or when I feel bad for only updating negative things, so I post a positive update.  

Not today. 

Although I could easily bitch, bemoan and pity myself to the end of Manhattan and back, I won't.  

Equally I will not be ranting, raving or spewing unicorn shaped particles of fairy dust over my life story. 

No.  Today (slash tonight, since it's almost midnight) I want to write just for the sake of writing. 

That's why I started this thing.  I had thoughts, people seemed interested in my thoughts and this is a forum when I can think out loud to as many people as there are on the internet (or as few as the ones actually interested) 

Well today I'm going to talk a little bit about movies.

Sort of. 

See, I have this thing where whenever I'm too still, too bored, too mad, too upset, too stressed, too stuck or too nothing, I go to the movies.  It started because I was sitting in my producing for film class and I realized I hadn't seen a single movie the kids around me were talking about.  They were throwing out producer names and budget figures and net income and box office ratings and... a lot of crap that I had no idea about.  So I thought, okay, I'll go to more movies.  

Two months later I have now seen 9 movies in theater, rented two movies on DVD, watched 11 movies on Netflix Instant and rented all four seasons of Wildfire (the abcFamily show about horse racing, woohoo!) My Netflix Instant queue has 38 movies ready to be watched and my DVD queue is up to 14.  

But I still know nothing about net incomes or budget approval or whose in the red or in the black (there's such a thing, did you know that?) and frankly I couldn't really care right now.  A movie should make you forget that crap.  

When you see a good movie you should forget that you're in a smelly theatre and you shouldn't notice the text message that the idiot in front of you is typing.  You should forget everything that came with you when you walked through those doors; the stress, the failed midterms, the boy problems, everything.  A movie should let you drop those worries at the concession stand.  

Don't worry, they'll still be there in 186 minutes when you get out.  

Anyways, I'm getting off track.  

The point is, movies should be good.  And I saw one tonight that was... surprisingly great.  I went to Morning Glory because I was tired at 8pm and I couldn't bear the thought of putting myself to bed before pm.  Just because my knees are shot and my back is one slipped disc from a lifelong vicodin prescription, doesn't mean I should be in bed before my 10 year old cousin.  I'm still a youthful kitten, not yet a bitter old sourpuss. 

Anyways, I go to see Morning Glory and it's sort of a RomCom (but less Rom then Com) and it's relatable because it's about a girl trying to make it in a shitty economy (although I've never had to search for a job so that relate-ability not hitting me) and her dream job is producing for daytime TV (which I hope to never have to do) and despite all these things that should turn me off, I am so sucked into the world of Daybreak that by the end of the show I had abandoned my giant diet coke and was perched on the very edge of my velveteen seat waiting to hear the next word. 

Literally perched. 

And the plot is predicable yet the actors are so good that you forget about that and you are with them in the moment and the editing is so good that you are racing to keep up and no line falls flat and you're literally laughing out loud because they didn't just put the best parts in the previews, they saved those nuggets for you, the ticket holder.  And it's just... 

Great.

It's truly great.

And I get out of that theatre and I'm not tired anymore.  I don't want to start producing for Daytime TV or date whats-his-face from the movie.  I just want to be great.  

I want to know who produced this movie and what their budget is and how much net versus gross they got and how the box office is doing and all those details because this was a great movie and I want to be a great producer who makes great movies so I want to know what these people did so I can learn to be as great as they are. 

And that's corny and cheesy and so silly and I still am realistic, I know that there's a 1 in 304,098,070,230,001 chance that I will actually make all of my separate, and very lofty, dreams come true.  But I don't care because I leave that theatre and my brain feels like its turned on for the first time in days and I have all these ideas flooding in and they have nothing to do with what I just watched for 95 minutes but they're there because of what I just watched for 95 minutes. 

So I'm going to jot down a few of these ideas, continue to mull over them (at the gym tomorrow!) and start being great.  Even if I have to take greatness in the form of little itty bitty baby stumble steps.  Because right now being great doesn't mean being on Broadway or producing a blockbuster or writing the next best seller.  Right now, great is knowing what the gross profit of Morning Glory is, and passing y GenEd classes, and graduating on time, and getting an applause at the end of the student play I'm doing right now and writing a blog about being inspired instead of about what a bitch my MugWug has been lately.  So here I am. 

Where are you? 

Now I should put myself to sleep.  Grandma still needs her beauty rest, especially if she's going to wake up in time to get to her GenEd class at 9am and remember to pack her sneakers for the gym after. 

Hello Greatness. 

Goodnight World.

xxKK.

p.s. MugWug actually isn't being a bitch this week.  We're back to loving each other unconditionally. Marie on the other hand... 

love you kittens. Be great. 

KITTY KAT IS A SAD PUPPY

 So I woke up this morning with a cough like the rattle of death. 

After several hacks I texted my friend to let her know I would not be in class and went back to sleep for several hours. 

Woke up, hacked a lung. 

Went back to sleep

Woke up, hacked a lung, drank some tea and tried to sleep again but decided that since it was 5pm I should probably get dressed and get my butt to my 6pm rehearsal. 

Somewhere in the middle I had some wonderful dreams that pretty wonderful. 

And once awake I felt pretty much okay.  Other than the occasional booming chesty cough, I felt fine. 

Sounds like my day was going pretty decently right? 

Wrong. 

So. I'm in rehearsal. And the phone rings. But I miss the call... because I'm in rehearsal. And I always silence my phone in rehearsal. It rings again. Missed again. And then I get a text accusing me of sending the calls to voicemail.

Psycho.

Anyways I reassure my friend Belle that I'm not ignoring her I'm just busy (hey look at that, my life doesn't stop when you aren't in it, shocker) and let her know I should be out of rehearsal by 9 or 10.
So I ask her whats up (i.e. why are you calling me after us not talking for ages?) and she says she wanted to get dinner but now it's too late. (to be specific she said "Tooooo lateeeee")

Okay, fine.

So I ask what she's up to later (look at me, being all mature and trying to still hang out despite her accusing me of being a bad and neglecting friend and etc etc) and she tells me she's going to a movie with MugWug.

My MugWug.

The same MugWug who I haven't seen since I had that "heart to heart" 9 days ago.

The same MugWug who doesn't understand why I think that he's been slowly replacing me with Belle despite the fact that he hasn't talked to me about anything but work or school for quite some time but sees her every damn day.

Did I mention that Belle is the same girl who used to go on and on about how she didn't respect my friendship with MugWug and how she didn't think it would last because we met by chance and not based on any common thing.

The same Belle who tried to get with MugWug and then talked shit about him for ages.  The same Belle who made me pick sides between her and him (I took his)

But now he's taking hers.

But apparently he doesn't see why that hurts.

Anyways.  She tells me theyre going out so, after rehearsal due to the fact that I feel like death from my sickness rearing its ugly head, and shitty from my "best friend" not talking to me for a week but seeing her every night and going out and because I HAVE NO OTHER PLANS, I go home.

Sit at home feeling shitty for a while.

Bemoan to my ever understanding and wonderful friends Siobhan and Lizz and then

dundundunn

MugWug calls.

And it goes something like this:
MugWug: "What are you doing?"
Kitty:         "about to go to the grocery store" (for hot chocolate materials)
MW:         "Why'd you leave?!?!?!" (you might think my punctation is crazy but you should have heard him)
K:             "Leave? Leave where?" (genuine confusion)
M:             "Belle told me you had rehearsal"
K              " Yeah?"
M:             "Where?"
K:             "Downtown..."
M:            "Then why'd you leave" (he lives downtown, I live midtown)
K:             "I got out of rehearsal 3 hours ago...."
M:            "Belle said you would get out at 11" (which would still be an hour earlier fyi)
K:             "No I told her 9 or 10... I got out at 9"
Belle:       "She definitely told me 11" (me = rage that once again he's put me on speakerphone without telling me)
K:            "check your damn messages, I said 9 or 10"
M:            "Oh. well okay."

We talked a bit more but nothing of substance. No apology from him for excluding me from him night plans / acting mad that I didn't stay downtown when he never gave me reason to / believing Belle over me / not talking to me for ages / putting me on secret speakerphone / etc.

And now I'm like pissed at Belle because I can't be sure if she did it on purpose but she drove a wedge between us that didn't need to be there. Especially after she'd already pushed such a large wedge between us already. Like did she really think I didn't get out til 11? Probably not... we went to the same acting school for 3 years, she knows we don't have rehearsal any later than 10 any day... ever.

Whatever.  I'm trying not to be paranoid.
I'm trying not to be annoying and over react and turn this into a big deal.

But I can't help feeling like a tiny labrador puppy that's been kicked multiple times by the bitch her owner replaced her with and then put to the curb without a collar.

Kitty is a sad puppy.

I don't know.

I know this is partially the drugs talking and partially the deep psychological damage of many people abandoning me in my life and partially my need to be wanted but knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Going into a nyquil induced coma now - hopefully something funny for you tomorrow.

xxKK

WELL AT LEAST THE SHARPIE CAME OFF...

So today I had a midterm.

No big deal right?

Wrong.

See, I'm smart.  Not to toot my own horn or anything but I'm not stupid.  I love tests because I'm good at studying and learning and all that crap.

However today I was stressed for my test.

Why? (you might ask) Considering my IQ, great memory and my extensive knowledge of how to write all the answers on my pants without anyone noticing, why would I be stressed?

Well it started with n altercation with MugWug, two days before the test.

Okay, altercation is the wrong word.  The altercation came later. See he called and wanted to hang out (which I was like woohoo! All my worries were unfounded! yay!)

So the next day (which was yesterday) I woke up all fresh faced and eager for the world and I made a yummy breakfast fauxlogna sandwich (fake sandwich meat yummmm) and I looked at my textbook, color coded flash cards and pile of fine point sharpie on my desk waiting to be made into an unstoppable study device.  But then I remembered MugWug was coming over and, since he is one of the most judgemental people I know, I decided to tidy instead.

I loaded the dishwasher, took out the trash, swept the livingroom, put away my clothes, wiped down the counter tops and a whole other pleothra of chores.  Quite pleased with my newly tidy home I turned back to the flashcards.

But...
then...

I played xbox instead.

Look.  I'd just finished my chores it was time for a break.  But after the break it was time to eat lunch.  And then it was time for Law&Order: SVU (because I love Benson and Stabler and I get crabby if I go too long without seeing them) And then it was 4pm and... no sign of MugWug... a while later I get a message from him saying sorry, he got busy  (which is fine, I totally understand that) and that he couldn't make it today (which is annoying but understandable still) and that maybe we could have a meeting later.

Meeting?

MEETING?

Here  I was trying to clean up and get into a hang out mood for my "best friend" but the only reason he wants to see me is for work.

LAME FUCKING BALLS.

So I got a litttttle mad.

I didn't respond immediately because if I had I would have said something like "Fuck you and your fucking work you goddamn useless man-being, thanks for making me feel like we were friends again in order to use me to do more work. Next time you want a fucking meeting tell me that instead of tricking me by saying you wanted to hang out you goddamn motherfucking asswipe" instead of the diplomatic "oh no problem... didn't even know we were meeting today."

GRRRRR.

He's sick and tired and busy and I understand it's hard to make time for friends but don't trick me into doing work on our friend time and don't pretend we're friends if you can't ever make time for me.  This isnt that big of a deal and I'll get over it in a few days it just rubs me the wrong way.  Hard.

Think: Indian burn on your hoohah.

Anyways.  I got mad.

So I decided to make myself a giant bowl of froyo, sorbet, pomagranant seeds and chocolate chips and sulked in front of the TV for several hours.

At 7pm I realized I had not done anywork for my midterm and I went into a panic.

I started to make flashcards but between my anger, my sugar coma and the distraction of SVU, NCIS and Hairspray (the movie) I got more sharpie on my body (ALL OVER MY BODY) then on the flashcards.

I finished making the cards at 2:30 am, showered, got into bed at 3:30am, was asleep by 4:00am and at 8:30am I left my house (luckily sharpie free) with sloppy flashcards, a fauxlogna sandwich and still wearing my pajamas.

So. Cute.

Anyways I think I aced the test but now I'm going to go home and sleep so hard and long that it will put bears in winter, coma patients AND dead people to shame.

xxKK

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

So sometimes I make bad judgement calls...

...like that one time I slept with a 30yr old dressed up like Justin Beiber on halloween...

and sometimes I make bad life decisions...

...like skipping the only class I really care about and love in order to hang out with a boy who is, by definition, a douchetard.

I mean... serious douchetardiness.  In case you're curious we are indeed talking about the one formerly known as Main Squeeze.  He's here in the city I call home with several of his closest douchtardy friends (including Joe Blow and a few I may have had uhhh interactions with....) and despite the fact that he has a girlfriend (not that that's stopped us in the past) and the fact that our last interaction involved him duping me into coming over and then suggesting we call a cab before we started anything so that I wouldn't be stuck on his doorstep when he was finished.

Claaaaaaassy.

Despite that I am still not in my favorite class and not at home cleaning or at the gym or doing ANYTHING productive.

I am downtown like a little bitch waiting for this bitch to call me.

I didn't want to wait for him to call to head down because then I might be late and clearly I wouldn't want to miss out on anytime with such a stand up bloke.  So I came downtown. Far Downtown.

No call.

Just waiting.

Sitting in a starbucks nursing a chai tea and hoping that I'm not a pathetic loser whose getting stood up but instead just a pathetic needy loser with thing for bad boys.

Oooh.  And he is bad in all the right ways.

No! Stop it Kitty! No bad boys for you!

Must resist the lure of his sexy tattoos and sexy grin and sexy laugh and sexy sexiness.

Not to mention the blow your mind sexy sex.

Must resist!

Although... the more pathetic I am and the more trouble I get in the more material I'll have for this blog... so really I'm thinking of you, my readers, when I consider going down the street, into his hotel, knocking on the door (kicking his roommate out) and taking full advantage of the two hours he has left in my city.

Clearly just thinking of the good of you guys.

Clearly.

Okay... its 1pm. They probably won't call. And I probably already knew that, deep down inside, when I made the journey here.

Sad Kitty.

xxKK

WISHFUL THINKING

So tonight MugWug and I had a little heart to heart.

You see, as little as I've been talking to you guys lately, I've been talking to him even less.

And it's not like a heehee I don't want to talk to you little child thing. I just... sort of shut down.  Because, you might remember my previous post, I was sort of feeling replaced. No one wants to feel like they're second rate.

Well it started with a little feeling of being rejected and then snowballed.  My feeling like an unwanted friend made me back off. Me backing off made him move further from me. etc, etc. It's a vicious circle.

So we had a heart to heart tonight.

Or should I say, I was lured to his apartment under the pretense of work and then ambushed with emotional napalm.

I don't do well with conflict.  I don't do well with surprised either.

But I managed to neither run away or punch anyone.

And the talk, albeit the most uncomfortable in a long time, was good. It clears the air and brings up things that no one really talks about.  If you let the little things pile up then before you know it you have one massive thing that you can't really identify because it's made up of all these tiny insignificant particles.

So the talk was good. (Hear me MugWug? You did good.)

But.
(And of course there is a but)
Now I wonder where we go. It's been 5 weeks of slowly drifting apart, unconscientiously and conscientiously, and one conversation doesn't nullify that. How do we get back to 5 weeks ago? How do we go back to 100% trust and unconditional love?

How do I let go of the issues?

I wish we could just say "here is the problem, I see the problem, there is no more problem, everything is fine now"

but you can't.

I wish I could magically be nicer or better or more accommodating or less abrasive or less jealous/anxious/angry/frustrated and I wish I could snap my fingers and make that all true.

But I'm not going to change overnight.

And it's not all my fault.

But other people can't change overnight either.

And I need to not expect unrealistic changes over night but yet I do want everything to be fine again.

Ugh. I just want to time travel back and fix this before it was an issue.

That's it. No more wishful thinking for the night. Off to bed with Kitty.
xxKK.

NO JUDGEMENT, K?

So I've discovered something pretty horrible about myself.
Apparently I do not like to share.

And I'm not talking about a silly playground fued over a swingset or who gets the first slice of pie. I realllly don't like to share.

Specifically, people.

Like... Friends.

Now just wait a second before you start conjuring images of me hoarding dead bodies in my basement... It's not like that.

I don't even have a basement.

I just really don't like the idea of losing my friends. I want all my friends to get along and shit. Like if I were throw a party I would want every friend I have to be able to come and enjoy themselves and jave fun talking to each other and shit. I'd even support two of my friends to hook up. Hell, I'd even (and have in the past) encourage it!

But that's it. I don't want you to enjoy each other so much that you start hanging out on a regular basis... Without me.

I know I'm being selfish.

Hell I know I'm being a really unfair selfish bitch of a person.

But I'm also being honest.

And, honestly, nobody likes feeling like they're being replaced.

Lately I've been feeling sort of like an interim friend. Like I have all these great friends but once I let them meet suddenly they're the good friends and I'm the kid who occasionally gets invited to the random fundraiser party.

Ugh.

Green eyed kitty is selfish and jealous and full of self loathing.

XxKK

SERIOUS SHAMBLES

I've been having a bit of trouble keeping this thing up to date lately, my apologies.  I know it's such a common excuse but honestly once school starts up there's an avalanche of stress and before I know it I'm freaking out over being 10 minutes late and crying over my quiz next tuesday.  I feel like I don't even have that much work and I'm probably stressing myself out way more than I need to but I just don't have enough hours in the day.

Although if I cut out all the worrying I would probably have more time to do the things I'm worried about.

Ugh. Logic.

This is sort of why I've become addicted to twitter.  It's much easier because I don't have to sit down and type out a whole post I can just do it on the go.  And most of the time it's just the same bite sized nuggets of worry, stress and bitching that I'm already doing.  So if you're missing your daily kitty, get on twitter.

I'm going to make a conscious effort to try to update at least bi weekly (I figure one mid week and one post weekend should cover all the drama) on here and then daily bits of insanity can be found on the twitter.

My life has sort of gone from super perfect to quickly disintegrating quite rapidly over the last few weeks.  When I first got back to the city I had this great apartment and I had time to chill and see my friends and be happy.  Now suddenly I have class and homework and the house is getting messier and messier and I'm sleeping so much and fighting with my friends over ridiculous things and when I get home instead of cleaning or doing homework I just end up sitting on the floor watching reruns of Law & Order: SVU that I've already seen 40 times before just because I'm too tired to work or clean.

Speaking of fighting.  MugWug and I have been getting into it quite a lot recently.  We've always teased each other and played with how far is too far but lately, and I admit it's mostly me, I find us saying things that aren't funny at all.  Like some seriously malicious shit.  And it just feels like as my house gets messier and my homework pile gets bigger we fight more and then I definitely don't want to work or clean because I'm angry and would rather lie in bed all day and night brooding.

I don't know.  I don't know if my life is going to shambles because I'm losing my best friend or if I'm losing my best friend because my life is going to shambles but both of them seem to be happening.

There's a Huskers game this Saturday (go check out KKC II to figure out what the hell I'm talking about)  which I was supposed to go to with MugWug but maybe instead I'll maintain radio silence and spend the weekend trying to figure out what then hell is going on with myself.

Ugh.  Being an adult is so complicated.

I just want someone to take care of me.

I pride myself on being so strong and independent but everyone needs someone at some point.

Well... that's about it.  I'm going to wash my sheets and fold some laundry and try to put my life back together.  Sorry this wasn't the usual witty-fest but sometimes a Kat needs to put her serious thoughts down too.  Some adventures/hilarity to ensue soon, I pinkie promise.

Stay good.

xxKK

I HAVE THOUGHTS..

...And if you honestly have an issue with that then you should probably go fuck yourself.

MugWug has told me that he feels I say "go fuck yourself" too often.

MAN UP!

Just kidding.  He might be right, I became a litttttle obsessed with that phrase lately, much like I have recently become obsessed with the song Shark in the Water.  (seriously, its an addictive song, I listen to it on repeat nonstop for like...hours. And I'm not exaggerating at all)

Anyways, more on my obsessing later.

Back to the I have thoughts thing.

So I'm finally starting to write again (not just blogs but also scripts) and it's been a long dry spell of no inspiration, creativity or drive.  So I'm sitting in front of my celtx (writing program) and somebody asks me what I'm writing.  So, since we're fairly good friends I start to tell them about my idea and how I'm still flushing it out and i'm not really sure where it's going but at least I'm putting some of it on paper at last.

Okay, technically on computer screen, but you get the idea.

Well I guess they didn't like my idea because they got out a condencending "ha!"

That's it.  "Ha"

I was like... okay and?

And they just shook their heads and changed the topic.

Beware my little frenemy... I know how to make your death look like an accident.

Just kidding but not really.

Ha.

Anyways so I had a lovely day at school (like you care) and now I'm home.  I'm home, where I told myself I would spend an hour cleaning, an hour reading plays,  30 mins of painting (or other relaxing artistic pursuits) and then a little more cleaning and then and ONLY THEN could I sit down and watch TV and chillax.

Well fuck.

I got home an hour and a half ago and I made the mistake of sitting down to go through my backpack.  And then I turned on the TV to check the forcast for tomorrow.  Then I wanted to see what was on later... but SVU was on so I ended up watching that.  Because it was an episode I'd never seen.  And then I made delicious dinner.  And now I'm still eating and watching television.

Crap.

I need to clean.
I really need to clean.

ughhh I'd rather be lazy.

Shambles.

That's all for now.  I need to go convince myself to get off my ass and clean up.

AW CRAP

I found one of the missing blog posts over at KittyKatComics.blogspot.com

I guess my blackberry thought I should be updating over there instead... I bet I'll find the other posts in the drafts section of KKC II.

My B.

Also, once my scanner is working again I'll start updating over at KKC II again but please feel freak to visit it to check out my lost blog posts and old comics.

RETURN TO THE COMPUTER

So I definitely wrote y'all a good 3 blog posts on my Blackberry but I didn't realize that they weren't uploading... my B.  sorry for that my loves.
So I have internet in my house now, which means I now can upload on my computer from the comfort of the mattress on my living room floor.

oh yes, mattress pon floor.

That would be where I am currently sleeping.

Why? Oh... well... probably because two days ago I put the mattress on the floor for a super cute sleepover I had with MugWug and my girls MelBels and the lovely Queen Liz.  (one of my disappearing blackberry posts was about this very cute event)

Well the morning after than sleepover I went in my room and something ran across my floor.

Excuse me, what?

Not fucking cool.

I really don't care if this thing was only the size of a thumbtack, I don't care if by now it's probably scared shitless and crammed in some hole and I really don't care if I'm bigger than it is.  It fucking ran across my bedroom floor.  It had legs and probably wings.  Not cool.

So until I get over this fear slash have people over and have to clean up the evidence of my living room living.  Oh and don't remind me that sleeping on the floor actually puts me closer to the bug.  I know.  I just cant get over the image of that little bugger running for cover.

Speaking of the sleepover slash MugWug, that boy is so funny.  He and I are total opposites and apparently that applies to our biologies as well.  I love the cold, I thrive in it, I cannot sleep if I don't have a good chill going on.  Apparently MugWug is not the same... it wasn't even cold.. it was just below room temperature and this boy had, and I kid you not, a flannel sheet, a pink blanket, my summer duvet AND my winter thick comforter and he was still cold. I even tucked in the edges so he was all wrapped up like a little dumpling.

Ridiculous. Well I haven't turned the AC off since that night so now I, master of the below freezing comfort level, have two blankets on.  MugWug wouldn't have even been able to be seen under his blankets if he were here.

Anyways, enough about sleeping on the floor/sleeping with blankets/pointless observations.

I'm getting pretty sleepy so I might go take a cat nap (and by cat nap I mean a proper nights sleep, by which I mean a couple of hours of sleep) but first lets talk about naps.

I don't really believe in naps.  They've never worked in my favor, If I'm tired and I try to sleep for 20 mins - 2 hours I suddenly wake up 12 hours later and I've missed my classes, lunch with MugWug and a date with a semi-attractive asshole (which is about as good as it gets these days) and that's just depressing.  So I don't take naps. But if I did I would define a nap as 20 minutes to 2 hours of designated sleep time.  Just a quick recharge right?

Nope.  Apparently certain men in my life *cough* MugWug *cough* think that a "nap" is a 4 hour block of undisturbed rest.  And then he wonders why he can't sleep at night.  *le sigh* sometimes I feel more like a mother to him and less like a best friend.  Men... tsktsk.

Also, I fulfilled a weeklong dream of mine and ordered a milkshake before bed. It was delicious.  So much chocolate deliciousness.

 And then I brushed my teeth like a good little Kitty and here we are at bedtime.

Night loves.

P.s. remind me to post the draft I started about why college life is so awesome. It too mentions the sleeping on the floor and other wonderful things.

okedokey.

xxKK

LIFE WITHOUT INTERNETZ

So... I haven't been around in a long time.  Like... a LONG TIME.
Partly this is the fault of my pure laziness and lack of inspiration while at home and faced with the blogging alternative of getting drunk and falling down.

Speaking of getting drunk and falling down... last summer in an epic twist of skills and fate I managed to fracture my wrist playing beer pong.  This year while playing the same game (in a different bar) I managed to fuck my knee up.  At first I thought I'd totally blown it but its just strained. I've got some seeeexy gear for when I'm walking now.  Super Sexy.

So after the partying (and smashing and crashing) [b.o.b anyone?] I got on an airplane, which was a whole other blog post of a mess, and came back to the city.  Where I have no TV or internet.  Hence why despite having a small notebook filled with blog ideas (like the revenge on an age old enemy, my dream man, the use of the word cunt and getting searched 6 times at an airport) I have not actually written anything.

And you might be thinking "GO GET YOUR INTERNET SET UP" to which I would loudly (because caps = loudly) think back "DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT?" But I have an issue.  I used to get my cable and internet from Time Warner, and they were always good to me.  Has an easy pay system and didn't mind if I was a month or three late paying.  But the video in the cab on my way back from the airport told me that starting this fall Time Warner may no longer have access to ABC or Fox... that means no Glee, no Greys, no crappy ABC Family made for TV movies or other mindless entertainment. This is an issue.  And since I don't have internet I can't actually look up if this is a "may not" or a "will not" situation.  Ugh such stress.

So instead of actually figuring this out I've been distracting myself with xbox.

(btw... If you ever played Fable and hated it [like I did] you should really try Fable 2. It's awesome so far.  2 men have proposed to me and half the town fears me and half of it loves me.  Amazing)

But if not tomorrow then Monday I vow to do SOMETHING about the situation because being parted from my facebook, twitter and this blog are really starting to irk me.  Slash I really need to finish signing up for electives for my senior year.

You might be wondering how I'm updating without internet.. the beauty of starbucks.  Pay $2.50 for a small tea and you get access to the free interweb for as long as they think you still have liquid in your cup.

Well I'm going to go since I've been sitting here for almost an hour and I only ordered a very small tea. As soon as I get my home internet up and running I'll post a real blog post.

Much love Kittens.

(btw, I have twitter on my phone so if you're craving your KKC follow me to get daily doses of insanity and debauchery by me.  [@KKatConundrums])

xxKK

DARTH KITTY

I fear I have officially gone to the dark side.

Yes.

I have twitter.

Now, if you feel like getting bite sized portions of total crap/ horrible advice/ life stories/ snarky world commentary you can just read my alotted 160 characters of Twit. This is also particularly useful if you have an urge to stalk me but don't actually want to deal with the laywer fees from when I haul your ass to court. 

I never envisioned myself as a "Tweeter" but once I found out that the ever gloriously sarcastic Randy Millholland of Something Positive* had an account I just had to get on the band wagon.  And lo and behold (!) like 90% of my favorite comic artists are on there. So now when I need a little taste of genius but can't wait for the daily/weekly/whenever they get to it comic I can just digitally stalk them. 

Greatness.

I'm still trying to figure out this whole hashtag thing... to be honest it sounds like something you'd stick on a bong. 

So... you should follow me.  (twitter.com/KKatConundrums) I even added a little button under "followers" to make it easy for you.  I've found that easier is always better when dealing with the human race.

In other news, I'm not sure if I'm getting seriously spammed or if people are actually reading this barely updated hunk of junk blog.  I keep getting emails saying how interesting it is, or how they like the design, or asking questions about me but then they follow it with "check out my blog/website/religious fundamentalist group" sooooo... if you are reading and not just a cyborg, sorry for thinking you were a cyborg.  If you are a cyborg... DIE CYBORG, DIE.

Anyways.  That's all for now.  I won't promise to update soon because whenever I do I seem to forget.  So I'll just... blog ya later. 

p.s. yay! 60 posts today! woohoo!

xxKK

*check out Something Positive if you need a laugh and your humor falls on the "at the expense of others" or "possibly morally questionable" category: http://somethingpositive.net/ (I suggest, as always, you begin at the first comic)

MUGWUG READS MY BLOG!

So I'm sitting at work the other day (slowly getting my soul sucked out of my eyes and into a computer screen) and MugWug emails me a picture.  Don't worry it wasn't of a wang.  It was one of the last KKC II posts... the post where I complained about his complaining.

Whoopsie daisies.

By the way... for those of you that don't read roman numerals II = 2.  As in KKC 2... like the second in the series of KKC.  (1= conundrums, 2=comics)

Just thought I'd lay that out because sometimes people don't understand.  Because a lot of people are idiots.

Speaking of people who are idiots... I love MTV shows.  I am particularly addicted to Teen Mom. I this 3/4th of the girls on there are dumbnuts however there is one chick (Maci) who is 1) totally cool 2) has a brain and 3) is actually a good mom to her kid.  Her boyfriend is an asshole and a half but she still manages to go to college, work, drag her deadbeat baby daddy to court for child support and still find for hanging out with her child.  The other ones are sort of super stupid.  Like... one almost got knocked up again because *whoops* they "forgot" to use a condom again.  Like... that's not a "my bad" moment.  It's a "oh now I remember how we got this small person thing the first time around maybe I should do the world a favor and sew up my vagina for life" moment.  And one of them can't speak with any semblance of grammar or vocabulary and is so busy complaining about how horrible her family is that she doesn't realize how much they do for her until she has to (by law) move out of her house.  The last couple is actually really sweet and while I do sympathize the loss they feel from giving up their daughter for adoption watching two seventeen year olds complain about what good parents they could have been every single episode gets tiring.

Waitwaitwait... how did I end up talking about Teen Mom... I was going to talk about whiney MugWug.

Oh poo he's boring.  (Just kidding MugWug, you know I love you*)

*probably more than you deserve. 


So on the medical front... after giving a pint of my blood to my doctor to figure out what the hell is wrong with me it's now been two weeks and I haven't heard anything back.  Hopefully thats a "hey you're perfectly fine" silence and not a "oops you're dying" silence.

I've got too much other shit to get in order before I head back to the city so bothering the doctor for test results that might possibly be negative can wait.

Well I'm going to go brush my hair because it's slowly turning into a rat nest.  And this Kitty doesn't really like rats... small sterile mice and hamsters perhaps but not rats. So I'm off little ones.  And if you haven't checked it out go look at KKC II

xxKK

CRACKED OUT KITTY

Okay... so I've been gone waaaaaay too long.  Like, way too long. My sister Marie told me I need to post a new blog so she can stop reading about how I banged that Marine.  *heeheehee*

Memories.

Anyways, I do have a valid excuse for my absense... I got really sick (again, I know) so that resulted in a few days of bedrest and delirium...

Okay.. if you were delierious would you know that you were delierious? Like if you're crazy you can't say that you're crazy because the whole thing about being crazy is that you can't see that what you're doing IS crazy... is delirium the same?

Now I'm feeling dizzy again..

Anyways, as soon as I was better there was a 4 day national holiday here.  It's called Cupmatch and its supposed to be about cricket but its really about DRINKING.

Pretty much the whole nation shuts down and we drink eat and drink and swim and drink and drink and drink for four days straight.

So I was pretty busy...

And then I got back to work post-holiday and my brain was still pretty fucked from its 4 day marination in black rum sooooo... I'm just now getting back to blogging.  I have a bunch of backdated posts to put up but alllll in good time my little muffin heads, all in good time.

Speaking of work, I just got back from lunch where the lovely Marie bought me a piece of baklava.  Which turned out to be a pile of burnt pecans doused in burnt sugar, wrapped in filo pastry and covered with powdered sugar.  Well... clearly I wasnt very impressed with said baklava but I did manage to cover my nose in sugar while attempting to eat it which then stayed on my nose for an hour while I was working and when I finally saw it I couldn't believe noone had mentioned that it looked like I'd snorted a beach length of Cocaine.  I guess they knew that I'm too unproductive to be on coke.

xxKK

LETS TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY, LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU AND ME.

So I realize that I was JUST complaining about being a lonely old hag with a cobweb inducing hoohah so what I'm about to tell you will probably seem a little hypocritical but I feel like telling you anyways...

KITTY GOT LAID

And by laid I mean mind blowingly fucked until I couldn't even think straight.

This guy was not the most fit marine I've ever met (oops did I forget to say he was in the Navy?) and I definitely wouldn't describe his boxer-briefs as packing heat but.. damn that boy knew how to use what God gifted him with.

You're probably rolling your eyes at all the griping I've done lately on my lack of sexytime but don't get ahead of yourself.  I'm still going to gripe.  You see as much as I enjoyed my three hour romp in the hay (Yes, I said THREE HOURS of the third best sex I've ever had in my life) when we were all sweaty and worn out I tried to get dressed he threw me back on the bed and yelled "Nope! Cuddle Time!" Which was pretty unexpected.  So we had 30 minutes of just cuddling and him rubbing my back.

Delicious.

Wait wait wait I'm getting side tracked I was supposed to be telling you why this was bad.  So the cuddling was nice but when I did finally put my clothes back on and kissed my marine man goodbye forever I realized how much nicer that would have been if it wasn't goodbye forever.

Not with this marine, he was sort of an idiot, but with someone.  Someone who I could love and come home to and have mindblowing sex with cuddle time after.  I don't want to fuck around.  I don't want one night stands.  I want love.  I'd settle for a boyfriend first though.

Enough sap, back to the sex.

So you might of noticed that I said it was the third best sex of my life... which doesn't sound like much of a compliment when put into writing but it actually is.  You see I've had some pretty amazing sex in my lifetime thus far so third best is way up there.

Second best would have to be when my Main Squeeze and I made plans and he actually cancelled them (as he often used to do) and I was pissed off and then he called me over and I rode my motorbike over at 2am and halfway there it started to pour.  I showed up completely soaked and he had to peel my jeans off me and definitely spent the rest of the morning making up for being such a douchebag.  I'm pretty sure I finished more times than he did and that, as you ladies out there probably know, is saying something.

Number one of all time was when me and my boyfriend of the time had a little sleepover and in the morning his Dad left for work. We woke up, and had breakfast and went back to bed for a whole day.  The whole day was a series of kisses, cuddles, slow sex, cray sex, back rubs and nuzzling. I haven't experienced anything that intimate and wonderful before or since.

Well that was a very... sexified post.

Heres to hoping you all get mindblowingly fucked sometime soon. Hopefully not by a marine who is only in town for one night.

xx KK

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: DECREPIT

So I spend a lot of time on Facebook.  Mostly because I have no life nothing better to do ever at work. And I do love my Facebook.  What's not to love? It's totally narcissistic.  I look at photos of myself, check out what hilarious things I've posted before, try to come up with ever increasingly witty statuses and totally stalk my ex's see what people are up to.

Don't even try to act like your surprised/judging/don't do the same thing.  Anyone with a blog already likes themselves a bit too much and I already warned you from the start what kind of person I am.

Anyways.  So I love Facebook.  Well... that is, I like Facebook when Facebook likes me.

Which is to say I like when it tells me I have 5 new friend requests.
And when it says 14 people have commented on my latest photo album.
And when my friends are posting about the kick ass party they plan on throwing this week..
And when somebody "likes" my status.
And when it suggests I like 'UFC' and 'puppies' because it knows that I am a tough bitch with a sensitive lovable side.

But sometimes Facebook is not my friend....

Like when it tells me that only random old fat dudes want to be my friend...
and that 14 people have commented on how hot everyone but me in that album is
and that I wasn't actually invited to the big weekend party...
and that the status people like is when someone hacked my computer and posted "is going to die"
and when it tells me that I should like 'alcohol' and 'Match.com' because I'm a lonely hag of a drunk.

Such Depression.

Another time Facebook is not my friend is all the time.

Because no matter how good of a day I'm having Facebook can always remind me that I am stuck in singledom.

Kitty Kat
Gender: Female
Interested in: Men
Relationship Status: Decrepit

Fucking thanks Facebook.

ZOMG FERRARI WORLD

Okay so I like cars.

A lot.

I can't actually drive one yet (because I moved to NYC before I got my car license and there's really no point in having on there but whenever I'm home I intend to get one but end up just chilling with my motorcycle instead)

But I love them.

The first car I was totally hard for was the 2000 Ferrari 360 Spider. It is just the most beautiful sleek piece of automobile ever. Convertible sports car with a 0-100 acceleration of 4.6 seconds. Top speed hits over 290 km/h. And its a fucking Ferrari.

*squeeeeeeeel*

Obsessed.
Now, since then I have become attached to several other car models and practically go into cardiac arrest when I actually encounter one but this car will always be special.
So today at work someone forwarded me a little junk mail about some amusement park and since my job is a joke and I do nothing I actually read the junk mail.

THANK GOODNESS!

There is going to be a Ferrari Theme Park openning in three months. Yes, it is in Abu Dhabi, yes, I realize will probably never ever get to go see it but oh my god it exists.

Of course as I was sitting at my desk like a good little girl I just said "oh, thats nice."

However, my inner dude did such a fist pump that he nearly dislocated his shoulder.

Maybe one day, when I'm famous, I'll be on MTV cribs and they'll roll up to see my "whips" and I'll have a classic Ferrari red 2000 360 Spider sitting in my driveway and the money I make from doing that segment will pay for my trip to Abu Dhabi to see this amazingness.

A kat can only dream....

*squeeeeeeeeel*

THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT...

I mean... that's neat....

OOOOH SHINY BUTTONS!

So I get to work today, read my favorite webcomics, shotgunned some coffee and mulled over my nightime adventures. And then I signed on to blogger (okay I actually checked my facebook, the local paper, the NY times & my work email, ate a yogurt, checked facebook again, went trolling for new comics, stared at my ceiling for 6 minutes straight before my co-worker asked if I was alright and then logged on to blogger) and found that there is a new toy for blogs!

Buttons!!!

(And by new I mean they've been around for ages but I just realized how to add them slash blogger took pity on me and sent me a how-to link)

Now you can let me know if you agree with a post (Fuck Yah!), thought it was funny (I just peed) or generally love it and/or me for a multitude of reasons (obsessed.)

You could tick all three if you really wanted to.
Or you could tick none... but lets not talk about scary things today.
Super sweet.
(the "buttons"/tick boxes are at the bottom where you would comment)

So I believe in promoting things you believe in sooooo...
I read comics like whoa. It's sort of a problem. Anyways I figured since I love these artists so much maybe I should give them a little bit of free advertising. So all four of you should read these guys.

First off is Devils Panties (It's not satanic porn) This is the first webcomic I ever read and I fell hard for it. It's a semi true life strip about the artist (Jennie Breeden) and her family/jobs/boyfriends/shenanegins. I personally like to start every comic from the beginning so the link I'm giving you goes to her first one. She also pens several other comics that are awesome. The first couple of strips are just her getting into the groove but then it kicks off into total awesomeness. Give it a try.

My newest fav is Girls With Slingshots which is a great strip by Danielle Corsetto about bars, boys and sex toys. Obviously I am totally obsessed with it. There are other topics too... like dating, cats and a talking Scott-Irish cactus. It's pretty freaking sweet. Once again, read from start.

Anywho, just thought I'd share some of my favorite things with you. Hopefully these will bring you as much joy and relief from boredom at work as they do me.

p.s. the photos are buttons! ctrl-click to go to the first page of the strips.

much love
KK

DRUNK POSTINGS #1

I call this #1 because I am sure it is one of many

P.s I'm drunk. Thank Jesus for spell check. (no really, thank him... have you ever read Samuel, chapter one? It's in there... thou shall no spell incohesive nonsense.

why, pray tell, am I drunk on a tuesday? Well let me tell you.

1) I had dinner with my fajah, his girlfriend and her children... so

there came wine glasses one two and three...

(actually for the record I pretty much adore his girlfriends family

because they're awesome. So really it was the dinner with fajah that

brought on glasses one two and three.)

2) Said fajah is not living at home right now. Which is an

overdramatic way of saying that he's staying at a hotel while

his bedroom gets painted.

When else am I going to get the chance to party all night on

a tuesday without anyone to explain it too? (So really it was

a smashdon of oppertunity)

3) I planned on only having one more drink when I get to the bar

but then someone offered to drop me home since they live two

seconds from me and... well it was all downhill from there.

4) While drinking I ran into the best friend of my ex-Main Squeeze

and he informed me that he was the team leader of the sound group

who have been in my house all week... and he loves my room.

Yes, my room. My bright purple walled, electric blue carpeted,

rainbow curtained room. The same room with butterfly stenciling

and a rug shaped like a flower. The same room that WAS A MESS

because I was in LA!!!

So now I look like a fucking five year old in front of someone

who I sort of want to think I'm cool so he'll tell his best friend that

I'm cool. But no.

No coolness for me.

Why couldn't they have come next week when my room will be

painted grey with black accents? Grey black and blue is way

classier than purple blue and butterflies.

Like why couldn't they be here to see my sexy new king size bed

that replaced my matching (butterfly adorned) twin beds? Or to

see that I don't actually live like a slob...

well I do, but we're trying to look cool here remember?

You might be wondering... dude, its a tuesday night... can you really get into that

much ruckus on a tuesday night?

Yes, my friend. Yes.

Sweet Lord, Baby Jesus my head is going to hurt tomorrow...

THE DUDE-CHICK HYBRID

So… I’m a chick. In case you weren’t aware.

But I wouldn’t exactly call myself the typical girl…

My idea of a fun night out does not include group trips to the bathroom or drinks with umbrellas. When hosting movie night I’d rather watch Saw 1 2 & 3 than The Notebook and when picking my ideal pet I would choose a large dog who could probably eat both your cat and your rhinestone adorned Chihuahua in one sitting.
I like comics and video games and UFC and shots of jäger and talking smack with my guy friends and I would be so happy to wake up at 2pm on a Saturday, open a beer and chill in front of my flat screen for a couple of hours.

So I guess I’m sort of a dude…

But then again I love cooking, and I am a total mama bear and I like snuggles and I obsess over my hair way too much.

So now I’m back to being a chick.

But I use words like “chick” so I’m back to being a dude.

Oh the conundrums.

Well recently I figured out that being a dude-chick hybrid might just work in my advantage. I mean think about it… I am like the perfect package!
I’ll lure men to my sweet pad with the promise of xbox and UFC and then make them want to stay for dinner when they smell the deliciousness wafting from my kitchen.
And over dinner and wine they’ll see how classy and wonderful I am.
But they won’t be worried about me being too stiff or stuck up because they’ll appreciate how my inner G comes out when I’m smackin’ bitches and pouring 40s on my homies while playing Saints Row.
They will respect that I live alone in a pretty large house because it means we can have some bitchin' parties but don’t have to worry about that awkward roommate when we want some alone time.
He’ll love taking me out with his friends because I’m so funny and friendly, but, also because I can tell you the stats of 25 different MMA fighters off the top of my head.
He’ll take me home to meet his family because he knows his Mom and I will bond over dinner prep but I’m still cool enough to joke with his rowdy brothers.
He’ll make fun of my nerdy obsession with ComicCon but will take solace in knowing that I’ll never judge him for his model airplane collection.
He’ll love that I can have a good time wherever we are, whether it’s a grimy sports bar, an upscale night club or his Great Aunt Greta’s 15th wedding reception.

*sigh* We’ll be so happy forever…

...

who am I kidding… I’m going to be single forever…


murr - KK

THE OTHER KAT

So if any of you read the archives of KKC *cough* Siobhan *cough* you might notice that the posts are suddenly signed by "The Other Kat"

Do not fear, there is no intruder. You see, when I first set this blog up I signed up with an account that I had already used for other projects, which didn't seem to be a problem at first but then I realized that the name on my old projects was being used for some of KKC's stuff and das no gud fo me.

Plus I realized that my old email account wasn't one I was willing to subject to anymore spam (I already get like 400 a day) so I made kittykatconundrums@gmail.com special for any readers to contact me at. But the blogger wouldn't let me change my account email to that and blah blah blah blah stress.

Well after thinking about it far too long I just decided to add the new email as a new author on the blog and delete the old one. So when you see "The Other Kat" it just means that that is a post that I wrote before I set up the new email.

Anywho. Just thought I'd bring you up to date with that.

Hopefully I'll be back on later to write a proper non-boring post but if not I'll see you pon the morrow.

xxx
KK

KITTY IS BACK!

Hellllllooo little ones!

It's been a long time, I know, but no worries... Mama Kat is back!

I've actually been back for a few days but blogging is sort of like taking your vitamins... if you stop for a week its painfully difficult to get back into routine. However, if I miss my daily blog I'm not more likely to contract acute viral rhinopharyngitis... which is a good thing for my health but not so good for KKC.

So I wanna talk about boys (I mean.. honestly.. when DONT I want to talk about boys??) but since that could take me all day I just want to focus on a phrase that men, in my opinion, use too often that I actually found myself using today.

"We never said we were exclusive"

Now let it be known that I wasn't actually saying this in reference to my own life... being that to have to state that you are exclusive idicates that you are dating someone but have other options. I am not dating anyone and... I have.. no.. options...

(insert violin joke here)

But still when that popped out of my mouth in defense of one of my friends I could practically taste odiousness. How many times have I heard that and wanted to punch him in the face? Too many. How many people have I heard use that as an excuse and thought "What a whore"? So many.

And now I'm one of them.

So from here on out I'm proposing an idea. If you ask me out on a date and after that date decide you still want to date me... lets just ASSUME we are exclusive. If you want to date (and presumably have sex with) me then stop having sex with other people. I really don't want whatever STD Susie Q has and I really don't want to have to ask you if you're sleeping with other people when we're in the throws of it.

Now look, I understand the appeal of casual dating and I'm fine with it so lets just say that after three dates you either make it clear to your date that she/he/it is just for funsies and is nothing serious and that, yes, you are seeing other people OR you drop your other ladies/men/objects of desire and commit to just one. I say three because after three it's like you've gotten to know each other, you clearly enjoy hanging out and, if you're over the age of 16, you're probably thinking about having sex. So you should probably lay out the rules before that happens.

If you do have a bit on the side... or a whole garage of spare parts... just be prepared to have your balls cut off when your girlfriend finds out. We generally don't like being cheated on and we don't like being lied to. Yes... lying by omission is still lying. And having sex with other people without my knowledge is cheating.

If you are the girl/guy/thing that someone is being "unexclusive" with (i.e. the mistress/boytoy/play thing) then please put a stop to it. You know that you're in the relationship for a reason (like, he made you think that you were really the one he wanted...honestly) but just consider that if they can lie and treat their main squeeze that badly... how will they treat you in the end.

I have to go now but I might be back for more words or wisdom/pointless babble later.

love.

I REALLY LOVE AIRPORTS

I made a comment in the last post about how much I enjoy being at airports and I feel I should explain this properly.

You see, to me, the airport is the perfect place. It's always air-conditioned so you'll never be too hot and if you get too cold you can buy a small, but effective, fleece blanket at your nearest EuroNews. Equally, they sell them at Hudson News too. Such options, such variety, such happiness.

They have every kind of food imaginable... you want some sushi? done. You want some pizza? done. You want pretzels stuffed, covered with and dunked in all assortments of deliciousness?

DONE!

It's an incredible place.

And the people are so interesting that you could never get bored. Like seriously I could write a whole series of books entitled "the weird people I observe/judge/talk to at airports"

Okay... I would probably need a better name than that but still. People watching is like one of my all time favorite past times. I like to give them names and little back stories and create drama and turmoil and strife in their possibly peaceful existences.

I get some of my best ideas in airports.

Also, it's just so damn convenient. You want a new shirt? Boom. You are wearing a new I heart New York shirt... they even sell normal non-touristy shirts. Like no joke... they have a Lacoste at the airport. Get your prep on before the flight. And if you aren't feeling glamorous enough you can buy some serious bling. I'm talking Serious Bling. I watched a woman drop about three grand on a diamond snake bracelet AT THE AIRPORT. Like thats awesome.

Seriously.

And if the people get boring you can set up in the corner and watch some sweet movies and play some sweet games that you bought at the nearest entertainment shack.

There really is no end to the possibilities.

So I could definitely live at the airport. Shower in the lounges, eat three balanced meals a day plus snacks, jog the entire circuit a couple times, write about the weirdos in my free time and spend the night with my fleece blanket staring out at the night sky through the massive expanse of window.

Amazing.

...but that would be weird so I will refrain... I really don't want small children to start calling me the weird airport cat lady...

I'm jet lagged and tired as hell so I'm gonna sign off. Much love to you all.

xx KK

KITTY IS GOING ON VACATION...

...to what might possibly be the seventh circle of hell...

yes, that is right, I am going to L.A.

city of angels my ass....

I was genuinely excited to go to LA because I get to see MugWug for the first time in over a month and spend some much needed girl time with Liz (plus theres the shopping and the airport time... I love airports...) but now that I'm sitting at the gate and seeing the sort of people that I'll be encountering....

Kitty is scared.

I travel in comfortable clothes... all black, leggings, slouchy top and easy slip on vans. It makes getting through security easy and sitting on planes for several hours almost pleasant.

Apparently comfort is not a priority to the locals though... There are people wearing head to toe white... and glitter... and bedazzled shoes...

And there is a man in a pink shirt and a white blazer... its like I fell into a miami vice-gold digger hybrid. And I don't like it.

A rat just popped out of a backpack... by rat I mean an albino little fucker of the chuiaua species. I swear to god if I hear one yip or yap or rapataptap out of that dog I will smack its unholy abomination of a head so hard that it will jump out the window and take its chances with an unparachuted jump from 40,000 feet up.

Rat.

The flight begins and a small child pops up with a bedazzled iPhone and she insists on calling her nanny to say she's on the plane. I might actually vomit.

Now they're playing the Last Song.

Kill me now.. lemme break this down for you... a girl from New York, who sounds like a man from texas, moves to Georgia for a summer with her father. She's grumpy and hates everything. She gave up everything she ever loved because shes sooo dark nd twisty and damaged. Then a boy steals her heart and suddenly she wants to "sing" and be fun again. Oh emm gee boys make like everything like totally better! *gag* This movie isnt over yet but I predict a stupid twist of "you lied to me I hate everything about you and now I hate life again" and then a "oh I forgive you and now everything is better" ending.

Sweet Lord Baby Jesus, save me.

In an interesting LA flight twist though, I have now met MugWugs doppleganger... like not even kidding, he's got his jawline, height, body, fshion sense and even his hair! (now if you ever met MugWug you would understand that the hair is a big deal... he spends so much time on it.. and it's this very particular color and shaped very specifically... god forbid his hair isn't right at any point in time) Anyways... the only thing thats different about this guy is he has totally different eyes and his smile is much more goofy than MugWug... which is hard to do...

Oh wow... the "you lied to me" twist of Last Song just happened and it wasn't even a whole minute between that and the "my brother died so I get to be an asshole and sensitive at the same time...ooh im such a dark and twisty boy" twist.

Okay I'm off to continue judging my flightmates. Because this opertunity may never come around again.. (one can only hope).. and there are only so many straw fedoras and fake glasses that I can take before busting out the serious judgement.

The one promising thing about this flight? The guy in front of me is reading a movie script. Like a real live movie script... I'm writing a script currently and it's nice to be reminded that one day someone might be reading mine.. and then hopefully all y'all will be watching them on a big screen.

Lots of love,

Mama Kat.

JUST ASSUME I'M FAT!!!

Okay... you don't hear that often. But sometimes you would just rather people assume your fat than the alternative. I mean people don't generally comment on your fatness in social situations or in casual polite conversation.

But they will mention when they think your pregnant.

Like when this woman at the pharmacy was eating some strawberry froyo and engaged in a conversation with me and I mentioned that the froyo looked delicious. And she asked me if I was expecting.

At first I didn't understand like.. expecting what? for you to give me your froyo? No, I'm not expecting that, but it would be nice... but no. She patted her belly and asked again. "Are you expecting?"

Yo, Lady, just assume I'm a fatty who likes fro yo... don't jump to baby in my belly. And I'm not that fat! Like yah I'm chubby but it is alllll over it's not like I have the Mama-to-be body of average sized limbs and a giant beach ball belly.

Self conscious. So self conscious.

So before things get awkward in your next situation just assume someone is fat and don't talk about it. Unless I'm wearing a "Baby on board" sign on my uterus or a sign that says "I'm pregnant... oops" then just assume I'm fat. If I am carrying a weeks worth of newborn diapers and stocking up on prenatal vitamins just assume I'm a fat person running errands for a pregnant person who obviously can't do their own errands because they are pregnant!

Anyways... just thought I'd let that rant out.

I'm off to find either a plastic surgeon looking to do some pro-bono lipo on my baby belly orrrr an orange juice.

xx KK

SURVIVOR

...sometimes Life is like Survivor...

...where the people who are weakest fall behind and get their tiki torches snuffed out. If you are expendable you will be eliminated. The only way to beat that system is to not be expendable. Dedicate yourself to being a better person, in all aspects of your life, every day. Because it's not enough to be a great hunter or challenge winner... if you're an asshole you will be kicked off the island and everyone will forget who you are.

so be a better person... that way life can be a little bit more like Survivor and a little less like The Jersey Shore
(or as I affectionately call it... pit of immorality and silicone despair)
...where no matter how much of a useless asshole someone is, they will never be kicked off (until they die of over consumption of tanning oil) and they will start to actually make money off of being a trashy asshole...

...

I didn't really expect more of people until recently. Like, I did... when I was young I expected a lot from people. And then you get let down because your expectations are too high. So I compensated by expecting less from people.

If people were self consumed assholes with nothing in their brain but sex and drugs then that was fine with me. If my girls were more concerned with getting boys and free drinks than our friendship that was fine with me. Because who was losing? We were getting drunk and high and sexed and thats all that mattered right?

No, I'm moving out of the Jersey Shore. I expect my men to treat me well, take me out, and love me even when we're not making love. I expect my friends to stand by my side through hard times and prioritize the people they claim to love over random play. I expect people to appreciate our relationship and not take me for granted.

I don't expect everyone to be able to keep up with this new Kitty Kat but the ones that do will be the ones worth keeping. I'm not saying that there is no sex or alcohol or stupid dumb shit. I'm just saying its not my everything. Life more than drama and bar fights and crying over boys that break your heart.

So yeah... wipe off your fake tanner and pull out those extensions and leave the bozos behind and join me in a world where you are rewarded for your actions... not your cup size... loved for your heart... not how many bros you've decked and where, for maybe the first time in a long time, you can feel like a real person again.


If anyone tries to sneak Snooki in in their pocket I will personally snuff your freaking tiki torch out.

xx KK

In case "the Situation" is reading this... I'm not actually moving from the Jersey Shore.. I dont even live there... I was using it as a metaphor.. like when Paulie D mimicked having sex with your pillow.. that pillow was a metaphor for all the women he would never get. You still don't get it? Thats okay... You just stay in depravity and enjoy your lack of intelligence.